i did my time
and now i am free
i can fly far away
with my un-clipped wings
i am no longer caged
i am free to roam
less time will be spent
lingering at home

chasing the sun

i broke out in a run

i'm in a full out sprint

i'm in pursuit of the wind

the sun went away

the sky has turned gray

rain pours out of clouds

all there is is now

i have to be brave

break out of my chains

now is where it begins

now is where it ends

i love to read
because I can wrap myself
in the security of
someone else's story
i can envelop myself in the warmth
of the characters who become
friends
and when the book ends
i feel
saudade
a nostalgic longing to be near again
to something
or someone
that is distant,
or
that has been loved and then
lost;
"The love that remains"
and that is the best fit definition
i could find
because that feeling feels so
indescribable
but characters become so real
they become friends
and family
and you can't help but feel
after the story is over
*and then the process repeats.

apathy
sometimes
i can't bring myself to care
how you feel
because i don't
sometimes i just like watching
extreme emotions
does that make me a sadist?
i go through periods of extreme emotion
and periods of no feeling at all
often times it just depends on
the time of the month
but mostly i feel nothing
and sometimes that's terrible
it's never effective when it's convenient for me
it comes and goes
at it's will
apathy
sometimes i beg
just to feel something at all
void
and then the littlest of emotions
seems extreme
sometimes
i argue with you
even though i don't care
because i know anybody else would be angry
maybe i'm ******* up
misophonia
the sound of chewing
or breathing loud
brings out
spurts of emotion
cringe
glare
angry
but usually
there's nothing
so when i do feel
it's overwhelming
crying is a big deal
sometimes i can make myself
cry
sometimes i pretend to feel
apathy
but only when i'm actually thinking
mindlessly reading
or watching a movie
emotions on the page
or on the screen
i can suddenly feel again

you have big dreams
i'm just living
compared to you
i'm insignificant
what good can i bring the world
except a smile
and a poem
but what good is that at the end of the day
what lives can my words save?
i can't help
but feel helpless
where do i have to go in life
i just feel lost
need a compass
maybe you can give me a map
or a gps
where do i go from here
the Cheshire cat would say it doesn't matter
as long as i get somewhere
i would beg to differ
give me a tour guide
to take me through my life
because i'm feeling lost
and it's making me cross
but we're all mad here
and maybe madness is driving this fear
i don't want to get stuck
so wish me luck
when you leave me for your big dreams
i'll be bursting at the seams
or maybe that's just how it seems
why does art feel like it's so unimportant
it's all i can do, i'll draw you a portrait
i guess you could say that it helps life's endeavor
but there are people in my position who can do it much better
so i sit here
sorry for myself
my  BIG dreams are for my book
to be on a shelf
the book i haven't finished
because it's all that i have
and i feel my dreams diminished
i don't know who i am.

I have spent a lot of time
gazing at you quietly
and enough time has passed
to where I have seen everything.

You sigh a little sometimes,
a little huff of soft air from the
corners of your mouth
when you think I'm not looking.

When you're nervous, you fidget
fingers curled up in blonde hair
canines nibbling on your cheek
when you think I won't notice.

You smile at the littlest things
you laugh enough to make me sigh
it's a little giggle of a laugh, and it's sweet
when you think I'm not paying attention.

But, I am, and have been since I saw you
my eyes have never since wandered
if it's those silences that make you doubt
leave them all behind.

For it is in those silences that I truly see
all of those tiny gestures and sounds
little sighs, giggles, widened eyes
that make me remember.

They make me remember that I,
the lonely soul, the aloof fool
fell in love with you easily
like those smiles, effortless and warm.

So, when you notice me watching
you needn't be shy anymore
because I have been watching you
since that day we met.

And my eyes will never stray. *I promise.

still taboo
but not really
needle inching in
my skin
permanent
marking
my body is just another journal
waiting to be filled
with thoughts
ideas
pictures
and who are you to tell me
what to put in my journal
i'll fill it where
society says
so i can hide it
for a job
but I will fill it with the things
that make me tick
i wear my heart on my sleeve
so why not put my journal
on display
too.

i can only
think about you
in sad, short gasps.

I leave the lights off whenever I get home now.
My eyes don’t care much for looking around these days.
My heart was never big enough to get lost in anyways.
They say we haven’t seen most of the ocean floor,
but I could tell you all about it right now.
And that’s okay.
I’m not okay,
but I’m okay.
Even the sea must let go sometimes
and trust that its tides know where
they must be.
Even the waves know it takes time
before they can be free.
I don’t need light to see that darkness
knows how to wait patiently.
And I’m not scared of the dark anymore,
since I’ve realized that it’s just a part of me.

I took my time today.
I walked the way I used to walk with you,
not worrying about where the next step took me.
I missed two buses.
I got home half an hour late.
Or early.
It doesn’t matter anymore,
everything is relative.
Next week will be this week.
Yesterday is already tomorrow.
I’ve always heard that time is cruel;
too quick when you want it,
too slow when you don’t.
I’m not really sure what to think anymore,
because it’s been three months,
but I still think about you every day.