how deep is deep enough?
how far will I sink?
will i touch the bottom before my lungs
have no oxygen left to drink?
will i just dissipate into the water?
they say 70% of the earth is made up of the ocean
and I too have 70%
I think I'll blend in nicely

once upon a fallen dream
i had forgotten how to scream
life is cold and infinitely mean
are things really as they seem?


trapped inside this empty cell
there is no way that i could tell
which way to go to escape this hell
what would happen if i fell?

tumbling out of control
my breath is taken from me, stole
where do i go to seize my soul
i need something to fill the hole

if I ever reach the light
will you even reveal my knight?
will my eyes ever regain their sight?
can i even win this fight?


such a cruel spiteful jailer
my stripes were sent to the tailor
wish this was just a movie trailer
face to face with my impaler

into the mirror i stare

my reflection i cannot bear

there’s someone with so much despair

and no one bothers to care

i lost the battle of life

bled out cause a kitchen knife

my mind was riddled with inner strife

my stiff body fell with lithe

cold and dead I lie

no one dares to cry

my soul is free to fly

and there’s not need to try

with such grace i was set free

it took dying for me to see

no longer trapped like a bumblebee

i have found the once lost key

the silence brings me comfort

i no longer have to suffer

your days on this foul earth are numbered

the truth will be uncovered

beauty once vain now is pure

happiness comes , this i ensure

for the plague of life, death is the cure

but to life you’ve become inure

you don’t have to sit through hell
NOBODY hears you when you yell
is there a reason for you to dwell
there is none that i can tell

peace will come if you give in
they say suicide is a sin
then you should proudly sin with a grin
go on, take those pills with gin

one after one i coach them
my pleasure is when they’re condemned
i tell them that death is their friend
but death isn’t even the end


such a clever one aren’t i?
wonder where you go when you die?
silly beings think that they shall fly
i enjoy watching them try

but he saves us from your reign

all of your efforts are in vain

because you have already been slain

Jesus Christ will always reign

Savior cradles me in his arms

i was once caged behind bars

but through him  i was set free

not bound by rules

i am safe with him for eternity

i was trapped with rules of verse

but my savior broke that curse

didn’t know what  i was worth

there was purpose for my birth

my sin through him was forgiven

now what is in store for me is unveiled

your instructions to get here are detailed

it’s simple just accept the gift

heal the hole, your God sized rift

ask him for his forgiveness

and he will rid you of your sickness

trust me, i’m an eyewitness.

weird
is looking at someone you've know your whole life
and realizing that they are a stranger
hurt
is realizing that maybe they didn't want you to know them
confused
is wondering how easily the person you knew was replaced
curious
is wanting to know who this new person is

it would seem
that i am at war with myself
half of me wants to leave you behind
the other half knows that isn't quite right
because I don't want to be someone
who walks away too easily
i am a fighter
but half of me is defeated
say something i'm giving up on you
but i won't give up on us
who would i be if i left when
times got rough?
it just feels like i have a lot of love
and i'm not sure it's worth it
not that you're not worth it
but maybe i'm not
not worth
a second
of your time.

i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he has not met his
thousands of miles away and yet
by his words alone
i am sure
and my soul mate is not the man i claim to love
he is a stranger
walking down foreign streets
with scars on his heart that look similar to mine
but he only faintly knows my name
and i doubt he could pronounce it
that's the trouble with poets
they can capture your heart from miles away
behind a computer screen
i fear that i have met my soul mate
and he
has not met
his.

normally i'd expect
a
"hello"
or a
"how are you doing?"
but from you
i have learned even that
is too much
some people you just have to learn
not to expect
anything from
because your expectations
will only lead to                  disappointment
there's no need to be disappointed
if you expect
nothing
so i have given up on you
don't feel the need to apologize,
i don't expect much
especially
from
**someone like you

don't get too attached to me
i'll distance
myself


from




you

                        up
my guard is          

my strongest soldiers are just watching
waiting to tear
y  o   u
                                              a  p  a  r  t

so­ don't get to attached to me
because i won't ever feel the same
there is a barrier intact now
that barrier that only seems to crumble
when |he| is around
he will always be a mystery to me
and maybe
that's what gets me
he's the book i want to read
but he's unattainable
i've read merely a few chapters and i'm hooked
but the library wanted him back
i could no longer read him
late
my book overdue
and i knew that date would come
they never marked it in ink
but it was etched in my bones
i could only renew
for so long
and then eventually his pages were no longer mine
my borrowed time with him was over
a late fee lingers over my heart
but every now and then
i borrow him again
i steal glances
but lately, i can't seem to read but page at a time
i've left plenty of books half-read
and had no problem with it
but he is encrypted in my binding
his name written on the pages of my heart
and i can't seem to put him down
i too, am a book
and i realize that we are separated by genre
he's in science fiction
and i'm  historical fiction
once, i read a book that combined the two,
it was beautiful
and maybe i was hoping
we too(two)
could be
beautiful.

and even though we speak in the same language
we are worlds apart
and how i wish that i
could be the one
to warm your tired heart
i wish my words could chill your bones
but maybe our paths
aren't meant to intertwine
but your words tear me limb from limb
they are the ocean that i'm sinking in
and i THOUGHT that i knew how to swim
but your ocean is violent: grim.

Three am sadness,
This is new
I'm not usually up past two
My eyes are swollen
Tears betray me
Tossing and turning
My eyes are burning
And while I might not seem broken
I leave plenty of things unspoken
All my ghosts have come out to play
Haunting, teasing, taunting me today.

i am
nothing
but
a mess
in all senses of the word
clumsy and awkward
not beautiful
or graceful
not the kind of girl
that people write about
i'm the girl who never has anything fully
together
procrastinator
with a slight lisp
clothes slightly wrinkled
never get enough sleep
sharp enough to make you laugh
but not enough to capture your soul
i am the laundry you dropped behind the washer
loved but forgotten and worn
i can't take your breath away
or make your heart skip a beat
i'm not the kind of girl who is etched into your bones
not the kind of girl who you might call home
and if i manage to capture your heart
i'll never capture it fully
because i'm the kind of girl who never has
anything fully
together.