It's as easy as breathing in
Hold it
That's good
Now exhale and wait
You can almost forget that memory
In a matter of seconds
And if not forget
You can manage to not care
At least for a little while
Let the smoke fill your head
And let it to be louder than your fear
I'll even endure a coughing fit
To expel the words I don't want to say
They ask if the escape is worth the problems you always return to
Every ******* time, yes
Of course they'll be there
Where would they go?
Even when I improve
My problems only grow
And if I *** in a cup
For whatever reason
And displease your delicate opinion
I'll indulge in your honor
God knows you might need this more than I do
Now zone out a little
Stare into nothing
The good kind of nothing
Not the other kind that you find in people's eyes
Like in times they want something from you and they know they're gunna get it
Or moments you ask them for something and they never reply
Or when they apologize over something they were never apart of
Because the tragedy isn't about you.....
It's about how they can fit themselves inside of it
Take another hit
Float on this one a while
Let the tense of your muscles ease
As if I spend the day trying to stay inside my skin
Like it's become too small and uncomfortable
Now I can expand and I breath without my ribs caging me in
Red eyed suicide
Artificial tears will make them clear
Better than vice versa
When the real kind of tears make it look more suicidal
An oxymoron in this case
Giggle at a pun
If you have a buddy then do a shot gun
Don't remember to forget
And keep on forgetting
It's as easy as breathing in

A moment of silence

Can be the difference between a war and a calm.

It could be the gap between words

And all the meaning within them.

Just one moment of silence

Can provoke heartache or acceptance.

But after that moment

No others can replace it.

There are only moments of clutter

And mindless choices due uncatagorized actions.

A moment of silence

Comes before the the pull of a trigger

Or after the death of a friend.

It delays the inevitable of letting something go

Just a moment of silence.

Just one second with the absence of sound.

One last look at an alternate ending.

One final inhale of freezing resolve.

One last kiss imprinted in memory.

And a moment of silence keeps it there...

Untouched and unaltered

Free to hang in the air and fill our lungs

And spark nostalgic reminders at our expense.

And in all the moments that will follow

This will be the one that silence will conquer.

As a child I would play
On my mood swing everyday.
It still new
And hardly frayed
It would take me up and back away.
If someone pushed me up
I'd say
"This is such a beautiful day!"
And if some stole my swing from me
I'd sit and pout
In childish melancholy.
A few years passed
And my mood swing stayed.
I stared at it but hardly played.
I'd sometimes think
"Maybe today
Will be the day my mood swing breaks."
My mother's tears
And my father's rage
Would make my mood swing
Lose it's sway.
My brothers and sisters would look away
While by myself
On my mood swing I would pray.
"Please just push me up again
Make me smile
Be my friend."
In my teens I never glanced
At the swing
It being rusted but not collapsed.
I used it for another wish
Like hanging with friends
Or sharing my first kiss.
The slightest breeze could push it now.
I never had to be in the seat.
In memory I'd see it go up and down
And the ground would never meet my feet.
I gripped the chain
And laughed and screamed
My feelings were transfered
Into that swing.
Then I changed into my adult like skin.
So grown up
I thought I knew everything.
My mood swing was for childish work
And I'm too big
Too much of a naive ****.
I swung myself
As high or low as I'd command
Thinking I had the control all in my hands.
I figured all who we're passing me
Would assume me swinging high
Swinging free.
Unknowing that my mood swing
Was swinging me.
Until those times I'm swung too low
My feet would catch
My adrenaline grow.
I fell so many times,
Looking back on my method then,
It's wasn't as easy as it was at 10.
Of course someone was helping me.
Now my swing is jerking me
It feels too small when I sit in the seat.
I don't go as high now like I used to be
I can only move if I kick my feet.
My mood swing made it so long without defeat
But I have awhile to go
And I'm not confident as it squeaks.
What if my children want to play on it someday
And I give them my swing in disarray?
I've long forgotten how to play
On my mood swing
In the way.

Drown it down
Spell it out
Use my brain
For what you're thinking about
Crush the ash
Take a bash
Take a harder hit
To make it all last
Clench your fist
Grind your teeth
Feel the sweat
Pour out of me
Make the martyr
**** the king
Play whatever you want
Just let me ******* sing
Mark my words
Lay it in my skin
An angel outside of my eyes
But a demon within
Shoot the ****
Pull the trigger
Itch the spot
Till the wound grows bigger
Fester now
No use for a cure
I've suffered this disease
Long before dying on the floor
Whisper my name
Scream it in hate
Son of the father
The ***** was born to desecrate
Nail the tracks
Hammering falls
Spear through my side
But I can still crawl
Force my hand
Knuckles break
No more fingers of mine
I can use to take
****** drips
Drip past my eyes
It made the power
To see past all lies
Smile wide
Laugh if you can
It can only mean
You know not what I am
Trust me blindly
Leave me your mind
There's always something in there
That I will find
Just don't sentence me to life

Who am I now to be?
I can't form a coherent thought.
From this life, from what I can see,
I never done that a lot
I pick and choose
Who and what I believe I can't lose
And let them infect me..
As a vessel for their use
I bide my time
Commit some crimes
Confess it all within a rhyme
And act as if I've been more than fine.
I hear them all, my guiding reasons
To why I'm still alive
My friendship, loyal to a fault
My honor, well intact
My humor, it always wins them all
My love, is a bit more complicated than that
I hurt them
Well, I make an impression, it seems
It's the kind that makes you question love
And the dark corners in between
Those feel they can't live without me
When I've seen others do just that
My self worth is waning
And I see
No amount of humor can bring it back
I guess I must face what I obviously lack
I'll live your dreams
But only on my reality's track
Where's the focus?
Where's that push?
Where's the certainty?
Where's the truth?
The drunken line won't get me much
I feel your pains before I feel your touch
And all those lost, far and wide
Always fall clumsily within my stride
And making me question why I'm alive
If not for them then nothing
Or so I'm told
Their love is much stronger
Their love is much more bold
I've heard it all
And now I've become a bit more older
Is your heart beating faster?
Am I the breath you take?
Am I the one to solve it all?
Did you come to me to break?
Give me and answer
For devil's sakes.
I must know who I become
Each day I wake
And god forbid if I forsake
Anyone's pleas
And their burdens I'll take
No thought to my own
Those thoughts are kept
To desecrate
So spare me the time
Mine is all but spent
I stand at attention
But I can never keep track
To where my mind went
Say I don't care
Say my loyalties lie elsewhere
Say that those who I love and cherish
Will leave my chest cavity bare
And I love you as much as I can
I swear
Still, know that I love
With a seething glare
I'm all but aware
That my shattered self
Isn't always there
My heart's in the right place
However
My recollection is bare
Make me feel what you want me to
In times of war
I know how to get through
Wether it's my time or love or body or more
I'd lose myself
Just to find all of you

In my life
I horde one thing
I keep them tucked and hidden
They aren't much to see
But they mean the world to me
A certain collection
I've stolen from yourself and I
Just little trinkets
To get myself by
I have a collection of flaws
Of every shape and size
From bad manners to mental tremors
From unseen stumbles
And prideful banters
From rude personalities
Thinking they won't be caught
I've caught them all
And I keep them locked
Not for blackmail
Or notes of who not to encounter
I use them for insulin
To inject into my matter
Imperfections and chips
Creator mistakes
And discarded finds
Makes them all different
Within my eyes
Adopting a cluster
Of **** ups
No matter the deed
I'll filter your qualities
And keep the bad ones for me
The beauty of them
Wings pinned behind glass
I see what you miss
You can see them too
You need only ask
Brazen sculptures of bronze
Of rust and grit
Are the same imperfections
Within me that fit
Unaccounted pieces
Not part of the same mold
I piece together
And make it a whole
Handicapped
Thin or fat
Rumors and lies
I hold them compact
With my fingertips
Filling the cracks
Give me your loose ends
I'll make up for that
My gallerey of trash
A mountain I stash
I admire it often
When others throw it back
The insecurities
That no one loves about you
I adore them all
Someone has to
They take up my life
They get in the way
Not once will I discard them
They're with me to stay
Most have come to see my display
The sight of my obsession
Frightened them away
And I collected their fear
Their uneducated weird
And kept it with me
So a part of them still lingers here
It's not a quiet hobby
As one would like to have
It's my oxygen of stability
And a harsh one at that
Breathe it in
Choke back and relax
It gets easier each time
To breathe in your effects
Pollute me with sin
I won't struggle
But give in
The worst part of you
Is the best part of me
If you aren't convinced by now
Come to my collection
And see

You said the blue eyes were for liars
And green of those with no soul
I happened to be a brown eyed girl
With little to no self control

You said words were the pathway
To the strings that tie your heart
Giving me the slack willingly
And I tug them slowly to break it apart

You said we would be trouble
Of that, I already knew
Yet seeing as how I stand here now
It seems the trouble wasn't you

You said your forevers
You planned without goodbyes
You cling upon my person
And now I retreat my eyes

You said we'd die together
Well, we all die, I suppose
I felt the time in me slipping
And felt the illness grow

You said it all so lovely
You said it all so true
And here I'm left with clarity
Of the things I'll never say to you

So never make a promise
And I won't make one in return
Because promises will be broken
And bring a lesson never learned

I'll say that I love you
And quietly walk away
But love doesn't mean forever
And words, once spoken, won't make a habit to stay

Present past and future
You'll never see it pass
And mark my words, though I have none
It's always over too fast

Alice in chains
Rattling themselves in my brain
Nutshell's melody makes a play
One lyric is ingrained
"And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead"
Truer words were never said.
There's no one else I could try to be
Better than the woman that is me.
I may have all these lofty dreams
Wishing to break outside of me
But also I'm bound by Alice's chains
That remind me that I'm not meant to change.
Into you or by someone else's guidelines
They worked their own time
Just to find
The person who fits that rhyme.
I simply must comply
That I'm no better or worse than my crimes.
They made me who I am today
Alone or surrounded by others sway.
Inspired to act out in infamy
Or be an angel blessed with her wings.
Talking love or shouting hate
Staying pure or *******
Throw the punch or keep fists still
It's all depending on my will.
The devil made me do it
I think the quote is full of ****.
If he makes my pulse erupt
And then my voice drink that bitter cup
I might as well not choose at all
Since he's responsible for my personal flaws.
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead.
Truer words were never said.

Take a look
What do you see?
Maybe cross your eyes
Then look more closely
Do you see what I've been portraying?
Has your view
Been askew
So now you see more clearly?
Has my visage and form
Come together now?
I've been this all along
Although, I don't know how
Perhaps try again later
When your mind has had a rest
It not something worth seeing
When my confidence chooses to digress.
It's easier to ignore
When I make a fool of myself
You see the tattered humor
But not much else
A smile
A joke
A laugh
A hoax
A false account
Of what you describe
Because I'm someone less funny
Behind my own eyes.
I ****
I choke
I scream
And provoke
I use
I abuse
I tend to seem gentle
But I fake that too
The illusion is
I act just like you
Between the folds
Of good intention
And generosity
Is something else lurking
Less able to act empathetically
My friends can be counted
On fewer fingers than foes
But I have but two hands
And that's the way it goes
A pillar of control
But addicted to addiction
I love to touch bodies
But secretly hate the friction
And now you stare like I've nothing to show
My optical illusion
Like I would want you to know
The thrill inside if me grows
Of taking and ******
Your opinion that clearly shows
And it all thanks to you
I suppose
When you said fake it till I make it
I embody clear responsibility
But look closer
I'm full of ****

There was a time I thought you to be dangerous
6 years ago
Too nice
Too shy
Too right
And I
Couldn't be more far from you..
My hands across those ivory keys
And then you found me musically
Appealing.
I didn't know you were watching me.
Your best friend,
Dating my sister then,
Turns out you confided in him
Trying to find a way to me
And I still didn't know your name.
We met, of course
You wouldn't speak to me
And I would not give in easily
If your words couldn't come out and say
Then I had no problem walking away.
You got the courage on your birthday
To ask of I could possibly go on a date.
I said no and to stay away
I have enough friends
And your not molded out of the same clay
As they.
That's alright
He stopped by at my craft store and he smiled
I'll just be a little while
If you're not working for eternity
Maybe you could find some time for me.
And I was offended obviously
That he wanted a piece of my company.
Nice guys finished last
And he was unaware that he wasn't in the running.
Was there possibly a way that I
Could keep myself out of his light?
I'm made for dank and darker places
Angry boys with scowling faces.
I could eat his good intentions up
I could make his tears full cups.
I would be as blunt as hell
To get him off my smell.
And I might as well
Turn his hello into a fare thee well.
But then I let his mouth make sounds
He spoke to me
He stuck around
And it wasn't that I deliberately
Enjoyed his company.
He saw a glimmer inside of me
And that made me want to set it aflame completely.
His kindness killing me.
Well, I have hatred up my sleeve
And it's always worked effectively.
But then it backfired on me
****, I found out that he was funny.
In the sense he wasn't trying to be.
Best described as innocent and dorky.
Don't laugh at his jokes
Don't smile at him
Don't let him know
That you're human.
Guys like him are drawn to that.
Rough around the edges but in fact
There's a heart of gold in there.
He's an archeologist
And I an ancient lair.
Pulling and digging and finding and thinking
That it's a grand discovery
You're not so bad
But that's not me.
What you think are diamonds
Is just the dust reflecting
Off of something it's simply mimicking.
Step one of how I'm now confessing
How I met the man I happened to marry.

Sabotaging double dates
My sister and boyfriend had to sedate
My annoyed attempts to avoid
Him in that theatre as he employed
To the position of pining boy.
Hold my hand?
Not a chance
I had others around for my romance
Others I could pick and choose
In this game of catch and lose.
I had no need of his bleeding heart
Don't  look at me in the dark.
The cinema isn't my idea to spark
Such feelings of affection to impart.
Drive back home, crowded car
You sat too close and I wished for the door to ajar
Tuck and roll
Anything to leave this troll.
Dropped them off to their abode
He wanted a hug and I said no.
High five my hand or nothing at all
I could see his expectations fall
I didn't even care at all.
After that it always seemed
He showed up everywhere that was close to me.
Church, my work and other things
Couldn't make this boy detach from me.
Followed me around like a lost puppy.
I thought I was the chick and I was supposed to be needy.
On the side I would thrive
Inside my own destructive life
Always a knife on my person
Taking cash, smoke up and blur my vision.
Giving no one my permission
They're all just *****
Following my intuition
3 missed calls from his good mission
To slay those dragons
To save me from my prison.
I didn't want to be saved
I was that dragon he searched to slay.
Stop calling me everyday
I have drugs to sell
And habits to pay.
Wake up and read his texts with rage
You don't exist for me today.
You don't understand I'm trying to spare you
Of all the things my hands could do to you.
Nice guy like you
Shouldn't be with me alone
I could **** you.
In more ways than one
I might not win battles
But wars, I've won some.
Play of wills
You won't hit back
Think you can change me?
Well take a crack.
Warning you that I cheat and steal
I'll make you love me for the thrill.
You can't make me feel against my will.
Check your wallet
I stole your till.
Part two of what you see
Is how my husband
Coveted me.

In regards to this boy I'm introducing
Part 3 to the 6 year rant that I'm logging.
After awhile I began warming
To his quiet affectionate persisting.
I took his hand on rare occasion
Kissed him with some hesitation
Poured my soul for him to see
Until he asked me to meet his family.
I mean, he had met mine
And that was fine
But I had no clue how to find.
That good impression I had long left behind
It's buried deep in my careless mind.
His mother and father kept up with their time
His sister, like him, was very shy.
I tried to dress like I had my life
Under control and tried to pass off the lie.
It seemed strange to me
That this boy I claimed to be loathing
Was slowly creeping inside and splitting
My delicate chaos so orderly.
He comforted me in what I thought was my prime
When I saw my gang wise counterpart die.
He knew my siblings with a smile and said
Wouldn't it be great if our families converged?
I took it with a grain of salt
Because I thought his convictions would slow with a grinding halt.
Taking every secret I parted with
Inside himself and pulled strength from it.
Thinking I was meant for him
If I changed my ways...and for him I did.
I found it within myself
To leave that life I vowed never to live without.
To kick the habits and the foul mouth
And try to commit to god and be devout.
Went to church
Said my grace
Greeted my trials with a smiling face.
Took my chances just to see
Who god intended me to be.
I had faith and started to dream
I had hope
Silly me
As soon as I latched onto to praying scene
That's when his resolve started slipping.
And all if it was thanks to me.
I was rubbing off on him while he was rubbing off on me.
Boys will be boys
With the girls that they chase
While my thoughts turned pure
His turned less chaste.
I could see it in his face
Every time we were alone at his place.
We were only human
And I knew all too well
That little by little
Our integrity fell.
What we were waiting for after our wedding vows
Turned into how many times could we get away with it now.
The honest woman I had hoped to be
Remained as a girl living secretly.
And the guilt inside was eating me
That the values he had, by my hand, slipped into nothing.
I tried many time to break it off
Because his values weren't worth swapping for my touch.
I started reverting back to what I had felt
Nothing
Which, for me, was the easiest ways for things to be dealt.
I grabbed that hope much too quick
To think it would last without working for it.
At least I'm self aware enough to admit
That I turned my husband to the dark side where it was nothing but ****.

I remember clearly
The night he ended up proposing
It was late and he was sleeping over
Till his new apartment was getting ready to sign over.
We cuddled and talked
And I decided to walk
Back to my room where my sleeping would start.
My phone buzzed and I looked to see
It was his text asking
"Come back to me"
Down the hallway
Was too far of a journey
And at the end he was down on one knee.
Sleepy resolve in my brain thought he was searching
For something in the dark and he was working
To find it.
Turns how he was looking
For my hand and found my eyes
Then asked if I would spend my life
With him.
How to answer a 3 am inquiry?
Was he really asking me?
If I say no then it could break
The progress I worked so hard to make.
Still in darkness I agreed
Knowing that I couldn't find anyone better for me.
Who else would look at me so lovingly
Promising me to never leave?
That's the problem with suddenly feeling
When you do, you do it negatively.
Pondering extensively about your worth
And the other options in life could be worse
Then being wedded to a man
Who vowed to love and always stand
By my side until the end.
Who I could consider my friend
And not just the nicest guy I've made love with.
My past was sketchy and here was my chance
To erase the roughness of that sketch.
I prayed to make the best of it
But god forgot to listen, I guess.
The things I confess
Isn't out of innocence
It wasn't god that ruined my faith
In a sense
It was me
And I take full responsibility
Of where my fearful actions took me.
So we add libbed an engagement ring
From a local food lion vending machine
I had no use for diamonds or sparkly things
From someone to prove their love to me.
Being loved should be proof enough
All the rest was material stuff.
Once word broke out that I was engaged
I lost some friends that I had from back In the day
The guys who I collected hearts from
Crawled out of the wood work and then begun
To whisper memories of them and I
They sprinkled the magical "what if" dust behind my eyes.
Some I was devistated to leave behind
They were a huge part of my life.
Lose the ring or say goodbye
To everything we brought to light.
The friendship, the comfort, the lengthy nights
Filled with the conversations that got me by.
I found myself alone during that time
My fiancé had me all to himself and he said it was his right.
No one else should catch my eyes
Regardless of those he spoke to
Ex loves of his life.
It seemed fair and I couldn't disagree
That the ones I had love had many times misled me.
Preaching love eternally
Then turning their backs when my heart would bleed.
No one else could possibly love me
Except for this boy who was taking me.
Part 4 is when I gradually declined
From a petchulant child warrior
To a ***** peeing herself behind the firing line.

It's funny how the numer five
Is almost spelled like the word fight.
You can only guess, that's right
This quiet boy learned all about spite.
As soon as the ring was slipped on
So were the gloves
If you're not fighting
It's not love.
Give me some grief to work us through
I never expected some of the words that came out of you.
Remember the things I told you that you accepted so completely?
Turns out he used them as ammo when I started disagreeing.
I'm always wrong with the words I was speaking.
It's ok
I'll take the blame
After all you're to be my husband someday.
Let's get it all out in the open
You're the bread winner
And I'm just a rebellious woman.
Kiss my cheek and smell it enough
I've been smoking again and again I broke your trust.
Paying for the wedding out of my own pocket
While I pick and choose
You said, "whatever I wanted"
I wanted a civil union
Quick and easy...no family reunion.
Use the rest of my savings for the honeymooning.
Honeymoon phase was all but gone
When I agreed to put that plastic ring on.
You wanted a wedding with the church and the priest
And to witness your mom weep
At seeing her son be passed on to a child as young me.
Barely out of my teens
20 years old isn't a wife to keep.
She told you I was too young to stay
You heard her words and proposed anyways.
Making it known that my habits were causing our soon to be tied knot to fray.
Even though I made it known about who I was on the very first day.
And as a martyr you'd reply
You still saw your future wife
Inside my eyes
Well, ****!
Pull her out and let me see
That girl your speaking of is someone I'd like to meet.
Trying to keep my demon at bay
I gritted my teeth and smiled away.
I figured it'll all be okay
Once I stood at the alter and I do'd my devil away.
In the midst of the wedding planning
I went out some nights to see friends
And driving
Down memory lane.
It felt all but natural to me
The be around the ones who grew up with me.
My musician love, my blast from the past
Kissed me when we visited the past
I let him touch my lips but never kissed back.
The songs we wrote are no longer mine
And to him I sobbed a tearful goodbye.
There was a new love in my life
And when I told you
The truth didn't set me free
It was another bullet I handed to you
So you could get a good shot in at me.
Blind folded and against the wall
Take your shot
I can take it all
I'm a babe, what do I know
I'm just a ******* 20 year old.
Day before our marital bliss
Another came to give me good wishes.
One last joint was his version of giving me away
But then tried to convince me to run away
With him
Still cloudy I rejected
My will was now infected
With pleasing you and your good intentions.
And now at the alter and very high
I told my old self to say goodbye.
No one wanted that part of me anyways
I banished her to hell
And in hell she must stay.
A kiss
A smile
My wedding haze.
Too bad my soberness was miles away.
It snowed that day
Like an omen after part 5
We practically fought everyday.

The real life
The long days
He worked so hard
And never played.
And I would be the whining wife
Accusing him that he stole my life
Appeared in some insolvable fits
He'd walk in and try to fix it
My spirit seemed to never lift.
Held me tight
I pulled away
He tried to bring me back to the present day
Why I wallowed away
In the past.
Forever it would last
I paced the floor to kick it back
While he was trying his damnedest to make me laugh.
Listen to this song
Make some art
What's wrong sweety?
Please don't fall apart.
The comfort that he tried to impart
Was useless as I broke his heart.
He thought that we should leave the country
Pull me out of my past and flee
Little did he see
My past life came with me.
Japanese ground
Different tongue
I tried to keep from acting young.
Held my sound in for too long
Until I was deaf and much too forlorn.
I would watch myself get intense
Like an outer body experience
He prodded himself, at my expense,
To love me without consequence.
If he didn't, it meant he lied
And I could see it again in his eyes
I prepared him for a rocky life
But he was shocked when my prophecy came by.
I tried so hard to apologize
Going up and down and side to side
Inside the confines of my brittle mind.
Open the windows
Let the sun in
Let's go for a walk
Get out of bed.
Maybe a job would to the trick
And it did...for a little bit.
Making light of moody fits
I allowed him to stray a bit.
Naked ladies on the screen
I didn't look like the girl of his dreams
I snooped a bit, I wish I never did
The words said to someone else that I had to quickly forgive.
No worse than that things I've ever done
I'm not one to sit and judge
Let the silence in me run
Far away
Cook a meal
He'd never come
By a skirt
He never saw
Get together
With some of his other sailors
And let them make some fun
Of me.
The crazy one he came to keep
In his home and in his sheets.
It was how it was to be
I felt comfort in negativity
Letting all the creepy crawlies
Make my thoughts forgo the follies
I can hardly victimize
Myself and my despise
I created a life with my own hands
I became a *****
And he a stronger man
For putting up with it.
Never thought that I would miss
The quiet kid in part one
Long before number six.

Now I assume
That you'd presume
That I'm ungrateful
And it's true.
You never want what you already have
And he always had a girl that was sad.
Piece by piece
And step by step
We started to drift and forget
That we were in wedded breath.
Sharing, giving, taking, pleading
Constantly forgiving
We never considered leaving
But no one said anything about
Ignoring.
She's down again
Tell me something new
I'll wait it out
Until she's through.
Crying in a separate room
Inconsolable to say the least
I'd went on a hunt for some release.
He couldn't do it all alone
And I was convinced I was on my own.
Discovering I had a friend who was from my home.
I stayed and talked with him
And found in him what I couldn't find at home.
I admit
I confess
Throws your stones
I'll do the rest
Rip the feelings right out of my chest
Oldest trick in the book when your depressed.
I kept it safe for a couple of years
It helped resolve some unsolvable tears.
If I had someone who knew me all
It would be harder to withdraw.
I kept my friendship to the letter of the law.
Things improved for the most part
Started waking up on time
Rediscovered my art
Going to work
Got healthy again
Went on adventures
Made some more friends.
Getting in the swing of living again.
And then I would come home to see
My special room mate with a game controller in his hand.
Just after the next level
Wait for the boss
Let me try again
I lost
Hours faded and night slowly crept
And I stayed awake as he slept.
Thinking it was just a rut.
I was improving and no longer distraught.
It's not a life but it's a start
He didn't need to change a thing
Because the only one who was stopping us was me.
For better or worse
In sickness and health
Wether we were poor and homeless
Or drowning in wealth.
Go to church again
In search for our moral compass
Left feeling next to nothing
Keep going until we had something.
Part seven
Far from heaven
Let's try this religious thing again.

"Penny for your thoughts?"
You haven't the change.
Too many to count
And it's not worth the asking amount.
Faded shadows of whispering accounts
Surely your cash could be spent on something more wise
Something more tender
Something more kind.
Bills would stack with each word that came out
I'd put you in debt and without an allowance at all
If you keep asking that question, love.
How about a wishing well?
It takes the jingle of jangling coins
Without asking any questions.
Wishes are worth paying for.
Toss it in
Close your eyes
Tell no one
Or else the wish won't come to life.
Make it a surprise.
Unless you have a *** nickel
Fake currency is illegal
Pay me in jest just to tune out the rest.
You only asked to fill the silence.
And when you're gone and I suddenly see
My payment of my words to you
Was just a big rip off to me.
Take my secrets to the grave?
That's easy to do when you weren't listening anyways.
I know how that game is played
Giving to charity with the smallest amount paid.
Resolving it to be a decent trade.
You could have just looked behind the drawer
Between the couch cushions
In the cracks of the floor.
Your not so ******* poor
To pay the price of paying attention for a minute or more.
And those who have good till to pay
Emptying bank accounts just to hear what I have to say
I tell them all to put their checkbook away.
I'm fine
There's nothing on my mind today.
Here
Have some of my spare change
Let me put it in the jukebox in your brain.
Say whatever you need to say.
You'd tell me for free but you know I'll pay anyways.
Just a little something to get by
Here's a penny for your thoughts
You need it more than I.

There's a sense of claustrophobia
But not within a box.
When left to myself for too long
I become afraid inside my skin.
And it's almost poetic
Because there won't be an expansion of space
My skull confines what thoughts stir within.
Inhale...EXHALE!
Take too many breaths and I choke.
I choke on the aprehension of never escaping.
And yet, I'm afraid of leaving.
Agoraphobiatic enough to stay exactly behind the threshold.
My eyes are the doors to these fears.
You could never tell it in my face, however...
Because I'm scared of you more than I am of myself.
I'll mimic and agree.
I'll put on a show in a way that you would never suspect
Yet behind my act of egomania
I withdraw myself and present to you another.
Who is braver than I could ever be.
I am my phobia.

Once again
Word binge
Trying to think of some verbal fringe.
Hope I can bring about some wit
Maybe some confessions I'll actually admit.
Perhaps I'll write 4 poems in a row
Have a temper tantrum to throw.
Try to portray someone that I wish to be
Take pride in the fact that I'm being insane but responsibly.
Try to compete with someone who knows more words than I
Anything to move along this sleepless night.
Sit awhile and stare upwards
Talking to myself until it gets awkward.
Give self advice to which I'll never listen
Try to figure out if I really am a Christian.
Pine and whine and rhyme and cry
Comfort myself by writing lies
Delete it all or reconsider?
Does it help or does it matter?
Feel the butterfly under my pillow
My Smith and Wesson blade it's bed fellow.
Alone in what I thought was shared
My wedding bed feeling bare.
Attempting to practice myself as less impared.
Thinking of ways to improve my snare.
Cradle me through
With words and truth.
You don't need to touch me
Just give me proof.
That I'm not alone
In four walls, boxed
While occasionally getting up
To recheck the locks.
Lots of crime down the block
And it's stirring up the gentile folks.
To think all but 6 years shy
I was the one who they tried to lock out at night.
Being the one who went bump with delight.
Begging for the next big fight.
Domestication
My silent destruction
Made my calloused hands soft and lotioned
My scars now turned to thin lines of redemption
That the body survived
But the soul is still in incarceration.
Maybe if I turned my brain
Away from the gravitational strain
Of fighting to stay alive each day.
Most think that ease is easy
That kicking back makes life worth living.
I tried the kitchen and the big screen tv.
I gave a chance to indoor voices
I gave someone else my harder choices.
I let a paycheck define my courtship.
And now I'm soft and feel like horse ****.
Not all were meant for quiet lives.
Some can't just turn off the flame in their eyes.
Some can't forget the memories that deprives
Them of simplistic everyday joys of being alright.
And the price is to lay awake a night
Bickering with myself instead of carousing for a fight.
Knowing that I chose it all
Welcomed it with my arms all sprawled.
It's devistating to find out your *******.
Derping around and never intended
To listen to myself being regarded
With pity as they talk slowly
As if I'm cross eyed and hearing poorly.
By the grace of God I can wipe my own ***
I can feed myself and drink out of my own glass.
Never thought I'd live to see the day
To look so young and feel so middle aged.
******* rants
Letting my fingers dance
On letters with smug little prances.
Title it for me
I won't sue
I'm sure I've probably titled you too.

I know it seems that my surface
Is looking a little worn.
You read my words freely here
And assume I'm a bit torn.
I'd censor it but you would know
From the words I speak
From the truth you know.
It's just an imbalance of chemicals, love
Now don't be worried about me anymore.
It's release of things I've shared
Talking alone won't leave me square.
The even corners of my shape
Twist and shift each time I contemplate
With the joys I've lived to the marks I make.
You know me well
You've felt me shake.
I don't really think your intentions are fake.
Nor am I in disbelief that you can't relate.
The thoughts I have
The choices I make
Are the reasons why I'm in this state.
You've witness my smile becoming rage
For no reason at all and that's why I wait.
I know that you want to take care of me
But let me take a crack at it first and see
If the **** in my past can stay behind me.
Let me be there for you
If loving me is your job then let me in on it too.
I know you lift, bro
But it doesn't mean you have to lift me too.
Let me love you the way I know.
You're stronger than me
And I'm adjusting to that.
Being loved by you is intimidating as crap.
It's getting to the point where I can't take it back.
If I lose you too, I won't have jack.
If you worry then I crack.
Baby, please, put your mind at ease.
You're the reason why I'm still ticking.
Knowing you on the other side of things
All you need is a day in advance just in time to catch me.
You're not fading or diminishing in my memory.
Because when I'm thinking of you
It's certain you're thinking of me.
We've both had words hidden secretly
Found angrily by our families.
You're free to read mine as you please.
No secrets from you.
No secrets from me.
It's exactly the reason why I'm functioning.
So love, put your mind at ease.
They're only words pouring out of me.

He said that we have loved before...
Their faces and laughter is like a life dead and buried.
Each time we open the cellar door to our hearts,
We create a life with them.
Each first kiss, a birth.
Each tearful goodbye, a death.
We rejoice and mourn these lives we nurture.
And though I am no stranger to these random pulses of affectionate existences,
I pray this one will be immortal.
He knows and accepts that our hearts stop beating
And one day our hearts will awaken in time lock with another.
The tragedy of feeling in it's own sweetness
Has willed me to prolong this particular life into immortality.
And if forever ends abruptly,
No amount of courage or unconditional acceptance stay,
I'm content with dying and never waking,
Just to die with his love still in my veins.
When I awoke to his love, I awoke to my own.
The crunching of thoughts and second guessing still lingering from my previous life.
And the fear of love being lost by love
Is what seals the death I know is awaiting.
My heart still beats and it should be enough,
That I've tasted this vision with my own tongue.
Still, the greed of my emotions is never ceasing.
More time and moments to add on would still never be enough.
To be born again to loving you, is unlike any dream I've conjured.
It's not just being loved by the way you do, but knowing I'm capable of loving you too.

Quick as sand through a hole
Collecting down further
To the whole
They fall to preach
Of a time now spent
Still a bit left
Not enough to repent
Pray my sand leaks out
Through a crack
Or shattered glass
I need not know
How long I'll last
A moment here or there
Of hidden joy
Go out with a bang, dear
Don't obsess of time wasted
Can't go back
The sand has risen
And all you are to do
Is to let yourself be pulled down
The constant state of motion
Not the wait from beginning to end
You're just wasting more sand
And now I'll try
To spare some of mine
My time is filled
With other's sands all of the time
So why not share what could be refined?
My hourglass shape
Shows my time
On my arms and in my mind
I've spilt some sand that wasn't mine
Living longer is simply my crime
So let me fall
And I'll fall right past
I need not know
How long I'll last

Last game played
Pull out the board
Keep those hands moving
Triple letter score.
Spell it out for me
Squares on the floor
What the hell can I spell with a Q?
Got any vowels? I need some more.
Have any words you want to say?
I promise I'm not keeping score.
How about a profane adjective
About my character?
No? Alright...
I guess we'll keep the game short.
Do you think placing letters down
Suffice as a conversation?
At least, in your case,
This one will have a winner.
Remember when we didn't have this game?
We didn't need it either.
No spelling or arranging or tiptoeing around the letters.
There were hardly any punctuations
No exclamation or a comma.
No etceteras or periods.
Just the blatant expression of yourself and I
And now it's come to this.
I guess you won again.
This game gets shorter each time.
Maybe we could play again?
Maybe I'll get the words right.
No...
Alright, that's fine.
Maybe some other time.

Look at me
I can dress so well
I can walk like ******
I can not notice it at all.
Listen to me
I made you laugh
Aren't I so funny?
Just my personality, I suppose.
Touch my skin
Ain't it grand?
I work out 3 hours a day
And still think I'm plain.
Give your opinion
Of how you feel about my existence.
Oh gosh, you're too kind.
Of course I'm not THAT shy.
Lean in to kiss
Watch me pretend not to notice.
Don't you love that you want me?
Can I borrow a buck?
Of course I'll pay it back!
With a face like this
I hardly have any spare change.
Only the newest trends will do for me
I want the brands to never age
Like me.
Say I look 20 not 33.
I have the options to make men into brothers, lovers or friends
But for some reason I'm still constantly searching.
Why are those girls looking at me so jealously?
Their lack of confidence ain't bothering me.
Bitter little girls writing about me in their sad bits of poetry.
I don't ask for attention
It just follows me.
It's not like anything bad
Is catching up to me.
I have him by my side
But he catches my eyes wandering.
3 minutes in the joint and 6 has already been caught checking me.
Oh my god! This song reminds me of
ME!
Let me dance to it while I pretend to be offended by someone grinding up on me.
Don't hate me cause I'm doing me.
Wait.
Why aren't you looking?

I pride myself in the aesthetics
Of my face to my shape
I mask it with humility
So I can grab a bit of your grace.
Vengeful to a fault
I've had my share of someone else's blood on my hands
I smirked as I extract it wrathfully
And destroyed them where they stand.
Immovable without motivation
You can't make me care
Sloths are my favorite breed
To mimic and imitate in their creed.
Say the right kind of words
And my resolve turns into a caress
Make me drip and remove my clothes
Feel your ****** and ignite my lust
Make me care less.
Press the pastry to my lips
One is never enough
Cram that baked good down my throat
What does it matter it it goes to my hips.
Gluttony has it's benefits.
I cast the green eyed glance
Of who has what I lack
**** your money and your rack
My envy is well intact.
Unless you leave it unattended
No witnesses to reprimand me
Let my fingers flee the scene
As your personal belongings now belong to me
It's easy to default to greed
Whenever I'm stealing.
Who wants to be a saint anyways
I have mirrors to crack
With my prideful rage
I have things to put off that I've planned for days
I have **** to eat when you offer to pay.
Even if you looked at me
You'd think my sins are my redeeming quality
Getting away with self involving
My hands around your cheap jewelry.
It wasn't me to which these crimes are pinned.
It was those blasted seven deadly sins.
I'm innocent and at no fault
I'm only guilty when I get caught.

It's not a matter of right or wrong
Sideways glances push me off my straight and narrow path
Keep them happy
Let them see
The person they wish you to be
Someone less like me
Some may say I'm not a saint
Then again, I never claimed to be
Leave you to your conclusions
Your opinion is fine by me
Give too much
Take too little
Ask for nothing
And over supply the beggars hands
With everything I have
It should be reason enough
For them to let me alone
With the choices I'm free to make.
I don't count my blessings
In time they'll be taken away.
I let the **** of my endeavors ooze out of my mental cracks
Keep my eyes forward
Never look back
Perhaps the road I'm leaving behind
Will help me define
The steps I've taken from time to time
Just because I've let it slide
Doesn't mean I've forgotten every ride
Of every individual thought that wasn't mine.
I'll give you your chance to shine
Even if it's my life that's on the line.
My skin is tougher than you'd like to think
Why do you think I've been able to sink?
Making each step closer with you to the brink
Talking sense to senseless people
Make notions and attempts
I fail myself and them
Shameless in the life I command
I get to play the villain and the friend.
I surround myself with weaker types
For that'll make me stronger by default.
Next to one stronger than I
Means I cannot compare my faults
To their faultless standard.
And who needs that kind of pressure?

Look at her
Such a pretty face
Looks like a keeper
But her thoughts vanish without a trace
What is she thinking of?
Who is on her mind?
The emotional fortress that keeps her
In the walls, behind
Could it be a heartbreak?
Or some ****** up action that she constantly finds?
Maybe it's her smile
The way she handles it all
The way she catches herself
Everytime she falls.
It's something that makes you wonder
Something that keeps you there
She let's you walk away
But somehow she keeps you there.
It's a moment between joy
And and the rage she has to face.
She can laugh in the moment of tragedy
And be cold in soft embrace.
You know the one I'm speaking of.
The girl who knows it all.
You catch her thinking off in absence
And deep within withdrawal.
You count among her tears
The marks her face implies
She's seen a lot of happiness
But knows a lot of lies.
She's a trap
And pit of endless draw
She tells you to depart from her
And yet you can't *******.
Or addiction to emotion
When she can't feel any at all.
And yet you sit and wonder
Why you chose to stay.
Did you choose to be with her?
Was she born this way?
Questions you can't answer.
And yet you stubbornly try.
You force to be the comfort
To clear the tears in her eyes.
No.
She's just a cluster
Of many others and you.
Cause she's apart of everyone else
As she is apart of you.
So ******* run for the hills.
Escape to the reaches of peace
She cannot see the peice of you
Cause she never learned to feel.
She mimics and acts
Like she knows what you know
I can speak for the reckless girl.
Cause I am her right now.

I'm always drawn to the silent kid
Pushed far back in the class.
Grungy hair, never cut back
Flipping his pencil in the air.
I thinks it redeemable that no one knows
Where he came from or where he goes.
It simply goes to show
That he keeps to himself and my curiosity grows.
I don't pine or crush or stalk him though,
I don't know him aside from the hoody logo.
The one he wears days in a row.
And when the teacher called him to speak
His voice was low but hardly meek.
Like a tone that no one hardly shows.
He rarely uses his voice to vocalize prose.
But when he spoke of religious concept
I could hear his sarcastic intellect.
"I don't believe but I accept. It's just a thought of perceptual inept."
That's when I knew I had to neglect
My learning endeavors and speak to this gent.
Inching closer to his desk
I start off slow and ask his opinion of certain text.
He broke his stare and turned it to me
Almost disbelieving I could see past his cloak of invisibility.
Very wary and abruptly short
He told be to turn around.
My brain screamed "abort!"
I lost this one but he was unaware
That we still had a few hours left in there.
And in his silent stubbornness
I simply sat and told him this.
"If William Blake was all devout then in The Tiger why was he calling God out?"
The boy rolled his eyes at me
"Did he who made the lamb make thee?"
Of course he did!
I already knew
That just for a second I was getting through.
"He wants to have the unfailing faith without getting whiny with trials and disbelief."
This took me aback and challengingly seethed,
"If you're defending him then why do you disbelieve?"
He raised his eyebrow in confusion, almost enjoying me
"Hey you're the one who first asked me? Don't ask me a question then mentally ***** at me."
I held back a smile and could instantly see
This shy kid and I would get along perfectly.
The he retorted first asking me,
"You're not some kind of Jesus freak?"
Laughing uncontrollably, I breathed,
"Of course not. Never touched the stuff. Grew up religiously but that was enough. God has my infancy but my adulthood belongs to me."
Then he stopped and looked at me...
I earned a smile
What a blessed sight to see.
And then we sat there together
Silently.
We waited days to exchange names
Though he was my shy kid
And I his crazy dame.
Conversing over theories
And explained
How ours were better.
"No, yours is lame."
We chuckled in the back of class
Quite content for the time to slowly pass
Borrowing pencils
Ripped pages from binded rings
With silent words scribbled
That we were quietly passing.
Never speaking of our other lives
Outside this class of mutual lies.
Just two hours of acceptance thrives.
I use him and he used me
To create a silent under towing
Of our ideas so different and refreshing
It was our home we invented without moving.
This shy kid and I
I can't explain
If you had one to yourself you wouldn't complain.
How honest and blunt you'd never expect them to be.
Go talk to one
You'd be surprised to see.

Call me Eve
It seems fitting
The vessel of which original sin
Was sitting
Take a bite
Feel the idea of your choices
Chained to your brain
Unfeeling
I've marked you with me
The big guys is upset
I've made perfection
Seem like a fiery pit
As long as you don't choke on it
As your throat swells around
And I'm nowhere to be found
I'm on another mission
Feeding the fruit to others around
I guess it's what I'm made to be
Knowing the consequences
But keeping the sin for me
I'm sure you needn't care
You took the biggest bite
Then claimed you were unaware
Just as long as I'm there
Taking the blame
Absorbing the shame
Breaking the frame
Of my cynical brain
I'm the stereotype of why the atonement was made
I take it gladly
When all others are afraid
Come in close
And whisper my name
Forget your own
That's the fruit in play
The game of wills
Its my kind of game
No one lasts as long as I
I'll explain the rules
But never the prize
And see the strategy in my eyes
I'll make it known
My purpose comes with a warning label
You read and accept
Feeling strong and able
Sweep the conditions under the table
The taste is sweet
But the effects are fable
I warned you, Adam
And now it's my fault
The sin was ours
But I saw it first
And now I must sin
To quench my thirst

Open eyes
Check
Stand up straight
Check
Sit back down
****...
Pull the covers back on
****.
Check the web
Fine
Hear some tunes
Alright
Open eyes
Check
Stand up straight
Check
Empty bowels
Check
Sit in the shower
Oh no
Fall asleep
****
Freezing and wet
Awake
Force myself to shake
Awake
Get dressed and contemplate
Check
Invent a list for the day
Check
Sit on couch
****
Netflix has a new show season
Just a couple to start the day
****
Pull the covers back on
****
Eat something
Check
Walk a dog or look in the mailbox
Move
******* move
Too bored to think
Too lazy to speak
Too drained to creep
A zombie trapped in this house for weeks

Strive for the best
Live through the worst
Fight off the itch
I'll never come first
Selfishness
Comes with a price
If you're not alone
You have to pay it twice
Reach for a glass of courage
Slap
Light the up the fumes
Slap
Grasp for the knife
Slap
**** out the light
Fine
Awake and confined
No zephyr propelled cloud
To guide my dreams tonight
Look into the dark
Fear myself more than it
Feel what you don't
Hate myself for it
Crave snaps into my brain
****** thoughts in violent refrain
Not just a bad day
I can handle all that
I can only say
I've had nightmares before that
Craze
Frenzy
Thirst
Angry
Wheezing
Groping
Never hoping
Memories pierce
Hatred provoking
I can literally feel myself choking
But you'll be satisfied
If I do it silently
Sobriety makes me wish myself
Into nothing
Live in my head
Not a happy tenant
Force words out into the void
In hopes to be repentant
But I sin more than I breathe
And it difficult when I have no air
Just laying awake and screaming in silence
So not to wake one sleeping near
Guess I'll accommodate
They say they'll accept me
But not my self hate
It's unattractive
And looks poorly on me
Though it's my beings natural majority
I fear it's just a matter of time
When my good intentions
**** up my life

She feels too little
He feels too much.
They meet in the middle
Only one mimics touch.
He says he loves
She says that too.
He asks, "do you mean it?"
She replies, "of course I do"
He compares her soul to the beauty of life.
She makes him a sandwich
Convinced it will suffice.
He grabs her hand and places a ring
She smirks and shrugs and says, "sure thing"
He wants an argument and a play of words
She looks out the window as nothing is heard.
He brings home gifts and recited affection
She portrays acceptance and calls him perfection.
She is the poetry that pours out of his mind
He is the man she chose to pass the time.
Hand in hand they both look fine.
Others envy the farce, they shine.
One believes it true
The other knows it's a lie.
The sociopath and the poet
A oddity at best
He loves her more with each second passed
And she can only love him less.

First sighted love
Fills my chest
Warms the core.
Quiet conversation
Hearing words
Learning more.
Brushing hands
Touching lips
Hands gripped firmly around my hips.
Laying down
Fighting the urge
Pushing the envelope just a little more.
Feel the chill
As we exhale.
Craving touch
Inside ourselves.
Time goes by
Replay
Words to fill the time away.
Trying to think of things to say.
Help me keep the heat aflame.
What to watch?
What to do?
Of course I'm not getting bored with you?
Should we fool around some more
Or are you tired?
Cuddle on the floor?
Have you heard this joke before?
Do you feel like eating out once more?
Loving still
Without the thrill
Give it back
We're not yet filled.
We've come so far
To walk away.
Maybe we just need a day
Or two or a week.
Let me miss you
Craving to hear your voice to speak.
He's just a friend.
Who is she?
They seem so very different
From me.
I didn't mean the things I said.
You won't allow yourself
To be comforted.
Parted ways
And still it burns.
Keeping tabs
But pictures turned
Into ashes.
Where is he?
Did she leave?
Our friends just won't stop asking.
******* stop reminding me.
Finding others to fill the need.
Days, weeks and months wander astray
Since seeing your face turn and fade away.
It sparks a bit
But only just.
I pray it's doused and it must.
Random message
Just checking in
Hope you're happy
How have you been?
Feeling it being lit again.
First sighted love
Fills my chest
Warms the core.
Quiet conversation.
Stay aflame
Let's do this again.

I've always liked the concept of pictures.
Moments captured and frozen like holding your breath during a kiss
Or during a scary part in the movies.
Forever young and forever motionless in a memory.
Proof that I was here once.
That I lived a life that was only my own.
Some pictures we rip up or burn away,
As if to destroy any evidence that certain memories happened.
Some pictures we only keep in our minds simply because we didn't think to bring a camera at that moment.
Pictures we hide and conceal
Only to bring out while no one is looking.
The silence of conversations being played back in my mind...
The closeness of friends or the heartbreak of loneliness.
Reminding ourselves of the times our hearts skipped beats or our eyes were filled with the heat of tears.
The pictures we keep to remind us of choices that were made that can never be undone.
We live to create memories...
We live to exist...
We live to leave ourselves behind.
Wether there's a heaven, a hell, or nothing...
Our pictures we keep in our own company or as heirlooms to those we love,
Those are the identities we wish to fade away with.
I buzz in anticipation of the pictures I'd take each day.
The selfies or accidental camera flashes that last only a day or forever.
Embracing the idea that a stranger will see my face and wonder who the person is behind it.
As I do with many others.
My still frame life is documented in silence but can be looked through at anytime of my choosing.
I'm only as mortal as my memories.
My images will fracture and spread when I am long gone.
And I'm fine with that.

Waking thoughts
Lyrics to a song
Shuffle through the playlist
Find the perfect one.
Too many can describe
My mental alibi
So I just take a little time
For the lyrics to fill my mind.
Growing up there was no blue sky rhyme
Metallica, pink Floyd and the cure
Were the ones to describe my youthful shrine.
Older plays
Took some blues away
How is it that I wasn't born
In the Woodstock age?
The doors, temptations, Jim Croce
Carol king
God! It's so godly when they sing.
Then I had to hit that puberty
Like a brick to the face
Picking out my own musical taste.
Adema, korn, Dresden dolls, tool.
Stone sour, shinedown, nine inch nails
Stone temple pilots and more as well.
Give me lyrics that could scream
All the screaming out of me.
Little did I know that in my scene
I thought my music was defining me.
I'm not music. Just flesh and bone
Maybe I should expand my treble tone.
Throw some chicks in there, you know?
No one should have a song on repeat
And have that be the song you hear when we meet.
So I searched for some musical relief
I enjoy a good scream sometimes
But that's not all I breathe.
Some motion city, say anything,
Yeah I like akon, lady sovereign,
A perfect circle and deftones
Classical Mozart and Beethoven makes me feel right at home.
Silver mt Zion, some Phillip glass,
Michael nyman, now I've achieved some class.
Pink when I feel like pop or brass
Punch guys in the **** cause I'm a chick
Hell yes!
No not really. The **** part, I mean.
But I actually really do like pink.
Jon Bon jovi or Otis redding
When I want to think of this guy that I'm loving.
I might have lost track of the lyrics I was originally thinking
But with my selection I'm derailing
With musical tasting.

The mirror's reflection looked away from me today.
She knew my secret and my shame...
Even now I thought I could hide it from her.
There are certain dualities to monogamous promises
Because emotions are never made just for one.
If I knew I would have loved him then I would have hated him first.
If I knew I would hurt him...then I would have killed him before I could.
I've traced all my steps back into a wall.
The path that was there before has been blocked by my own hand.
I built it with every lie and every truth about myself,
And yet I stand dumbfounded at the choice I am to make.
I'm panting and wild eyed for an escape
And my captors are threatening for an answer.
Both breathing fantasies and lives that I want to see
And all they get from me is a choke.
A stammer.
A stutter of a choice made but not thought through.
I give them both each hand to have but the joke is on me...
Basic anatomy only gave me one heart.
And them as well.
They both gave theirs to me and now I'm overly supplied
And worrying over them spoiling if I leave them out too long.
Then I think to myself of a prose well said,
"Get thee to a nunnery."
And like a coward, I flee.

I'm isolated, suffocated

I can't see straight cause I'm asphyxiated.

Gasping with nothing but space and air

Who thought a surplus of something would leave you dying here.

I stand. I collapse.

I'm begging for any kind of relapse.

I need a pulse a grain of life

Because monotone affection won't suffice.

I clench and grit to voices I've heard.

They're telling me a sercret to a cure.

Not that I'm sick, I suffer from health,

Not that I'm poor, I'm drowning in wealth.

I'm loved but subistitued with nothing that lives.

I'm adored but replaced with nothing that gives.

So what gives?

It took three hits to pull you off.

It took even more to fall from the top.

I'm craving a hit, I'm itching for haze.

I've been fantisizing a joint in my hand for days.

I don't want to be hostile, I'm trying to be chill

But with the large amount of air I've finally had my fill.

I want to cough and hack and fill the burn

And maybe after I'm gone I won't feel the need to return.

I see your face and I've thought on our time

And right now I'd rather be harsh than to always be kind.

You'll throw it down but I'll pick it up

You'll throw the punch but I'll take the touch.

You're the kind of boy who needs to do what he's told

You're not a man when you're acting 5 years old.

She said you can't talk and she said you can't speak

I don't think you're respecting her but I think you're just weak.

And when you're done with her you'll just find another.

You don't want an equal partner you just want a mother.

And you're grabbing your sack as if you have something to show

Well, I've been there and done that and you still have to go.

Your name is a joke

You're made to choke.

The man card that you have in your pocket has been revoked.

And you're standing all tall like you have something to say

I dare you to tell me something I haven't heard anyways.

Trying to treat me like I'm the one who got away

Telling me that what's-her-name doesn't have what I take.

And boy I took it from you

You gave me the "what to do",

I've seen you cry and moan and bleed like they were mistreating you.

And I'll admit and take blame that I kept taking you back,

Cause back then it was me who didin't have the ***** that you lacked.

Finding excuses

And allowing misuses.

Trying to repair the leak from your loose lips.

Cause you have it bad like I had it good.

Living in style but acting like you're from the hood.

Trying so hard to just live it down.

Well you got what you wanted cause that girl rode you to the ground.

And now I'm up river and a couple of oceans from your mess

And I'm still watching you call out like a spoiled kid in distress.

Acting all tough like you've seen the other side of life

Throwing out curses like you're suffered so much strife.

Thinking that it's everyone else you have to fight,

But the joke's on you cause you're the only one who proved everyone right.

And I'm tired of this talk, as if you found the light,

Well that's my tail lights you see leaving you, out of sight.

And I'm probably sour cause I made a choice

But now it's left me nothing as much as a voice.

And I'll probably sit all resentful with greed,

But it always makes me laugh that you're doing just the same as me.

Just kidding.

I'm sorry my music is much too loud.
It drowns out the voices that pulls me apart.
I'm sorry my clothes are too baggy, tight or displeasing to the eye.
It's all I'm allowed to get out of the crowd.
I'm sorry my language is abrasive and blunt
And perhaps not too kind and respectful as it should be.
I had to defend myself since birth and raised my voice to be heard.
I'm sorry my motivation is shot to hell
And it appears that I don't even try.
The opportunities I searched for have all been shot down.
I'm sorry the person I am doesn't fall into your generation scheme.
I have problems falling into place with my own.
I'm sorry my views of god, politics and people are askew.
I assumed then didn't notice me when their hand was absent in my life.
I'm sorry that I failed your expectations of how I would turn out.
I'm sure the expectations you persevered
Required a lot of hard work that was followed by success and acceptance by all.
I'm sorry that you're so tired to see
The kind of person I could be.
I'm sorry that you push me aside in youth
Because you didn't want to take the time to teach me.
I'm sorry if your plans of your future
Are just as dissapointing as mine.
Is wasn't my intent to deprave you this show.
I'm sorry...but I expected more from the generation that raised me.
I'm sorry you created misguided youth and then punished them for following suit.
And once I am done apologizing
And wasting my years on reckless escapes
I'm sure I'll come down to your point of view
And neglect and forget who I'm meant love and protect.
I don't expect to be catered to when I'm older and exhausted
By those I shoot a disdaining eye.
I might have encouraged them to offend me so
But, knowing that, at least I won't be surprised.

He stands above me
Much to far for me to compare.
I am beneath him in all ways
And he will not let me forget it.
On my back for him to conquer
And expose my weakness for him to devour.
I won't fight him out of love
But I **** my voice to compromise with his touch.
He will not know my mind tonight
Though the matter of this does not bring importance to his purpose.
He marks me and shifts me into someone else
Someone more in his image because he hates all others.
And I lay beneath him breathing
And my stomach twists with corrupt acceptance of my bitter love.
He soars above me in brilliance and perfected chaos that I cannot look away.
I am destructed in his wake
Let me be rubble...
Let me be his chaos.
And as he leaves me on the ground
Never to return to my sight,
I feel myself suspended in air
And above you, I fly.

The things I choose not to convey
Unless the tune is right and the ear buds are positioned.
The sound bounces off the walls of my skull
And I take it with super sonic delight.
I rage and I swoon and I mourn to the beat
To last out a thought I never wish to be complete.
It stifles the screams I lock behind my wide spread grin
And make the grip of my hands release.
If I can create the music on my own
I could share or hide with subconscious intentions.
So if I press the notes of a melody to your face
And insist that it portrays certain passages that I've yet to explain,
Please don't look at me with intolerant obligation
Simply because it doesn't suit your taste.
Take it with stride.
Take it with an open mind.
My insight is clearer with the words of others
Who are brave enough to conjour their lips to move.
To let their tongue loosen and flip the bird
At those who are scornful enough to correct their prose.
In my head is music
And my mouth in constant motion to it's sway.
It breaks my my heart in silence
When that music refuses to play.

This is the moment where I try to will myself to sleep.
The moment where we all know that will and basic reality create the opposite effect.
My thoughts are suspended into space...
Into an underwater impulse.
The whole world muted and crawling.
I find myself erasing and creating the person I've fashioned into,
Up until this point anyways.
I'm a closet full of personas...a wardrobe of ****** expressions
And nuances that are mine and mine alone.
Some I hate and some I can't afford to throw by the wayside.
No one becomes the person that they are simply by self affirmation.
I've stolen many of my horrors and my joys from others
And I'm sure a few of my personal affects are missing as well.
Moments of time and emotion so small that I wouldn't have noticed them missing anyways.
They're free to take regardless.
I give love and hatred just as freely as you might.
I clash into others and mimic the lives that could be theirs....
But I doubt they are.
Those who are sleeping, I applaud you.
Those who are hardly self aware and let the minutes slip them by
As if they have plenty to spare.
I however will remain awake.
Thinking of you, though I've never met you or seen your face.
Chances are I could be you, and you me.
We could be distorted reflections of each other
And the thrill of it that keeps me awake at nights
Is never knowing you but knowing that you're there.
So sweet dreams when they finally find you.

A forenight ago, I dreamnt of you.
I knew it was a dream because
You told me you loved me.
I smiled and paced my heart to calm
And I knew it was a dream because
I felt you hold me.
Every second of illusion I held onto so tightly.
I knew it was a dream because
I felt you want me.
I told you I love you and I kissed you so fiercely.
I knew it was a dream because
I thought you'd never leave me.
In sleeping haze and innocent wanting
We walked and laughed and talked and cried.
We named our children and counted the tears falling from our eyes.
We made peace with our faults and forgave each other each sin.
And in that peace we were willing to begin...
But...I knew it was a dream.
Reluctant and wretched and longing and cold
My eyes fall open to an empty pillow.
All other dreams were so fleeting and easy to forget,
Yet this dream was the one you made.
You crafted it with all my desires of you
And caressesd each fold of it into my sleep.
To seal it there you pressed it with a kiss
And left it there within a cerebral prison.
Teasing and prodding long after you left.
Yes, I know it's a dream because
You left.

I knew you once in my sleep
A figment of dreams And stray thought.
You've mocked my loneliness many times
Even though I've welcomed your voice to my mind.
And as I wake, you seem to linger in the day.
You hardly speak yet I assume you wish to keep the cover of daylight.
So I amuse you to believe that I don't detect you inside of me.
Until you betray yourself to speak
And I feel the skipping of my existence that brings me back to those dreams you so rudely intrude.
Now am I to wonder of your ability to be tangible?
Am I now suppose to obsessively search for your traces and clues like a fiend for a fix?
I've taken hit from you once or twice
And although your effect is euphoric,
Your consistency is short lasting.
So don't flatter yourself with your effect on me.
You've been inside my thoughts long enough to know me.
And I do not claim to be perfect but I hurt myself with the intention to be saved.
An obligation you failed complete though I never asked you to.
I do give you the credit of never mentioning it either.
And that made the itch for you dull through time.
Some people were made to be dreams
And to guard the minds of those who wither when they are all alone.
It's bittersweet that I leave you alone now...
But it's what you wanted in the end.
Isn't it?

Pull up
Parking lot
30 minutes early
Feels like a lot.
A/C doesn't work
Smoke up for nerves
Not the wacky tobaccy
That's just absurd.
Job interview
Clan of the waitressing brood
Make me one of you.
I know how to take orders
And bring out your food.
Take the phone out of my hands
Give my some daily plans
Make my unemployment take a stand.
Save my bank account from blanking
It's not much that I'm asking.
Use the waiting game to plan a conversation
Give me a purpose in this great nation
I have plenty of patience
Unruly folks and their aggrivation.
Waiting on fries and I can shake it.
I spend too much time being white bred.
Clearer head with smokey resolve
Grip my hand and don't do it gently now
Let's them know you mean business
Don't show desperation just to be a waitress.
Give a smile
A joke or two
Don't make me wait
To be one of you.

Ps- if you were curious enough to know
I got the job
And soon I'll have money to show

Sacred vows
Now cheap obligation
Promises and ringed forgiveness
Say it back with some conviction
Speak up, girl
Use your diction
The priest is waiting for your decision
Staring at the man parallel
To spend a life with through insanity and hell
Now you see his intentions are well
Fight the urge for flight
But finding courage from the hits taken last night
Foggy trails of wedded delight
Masking the fumes of foreboding night
Snowstorm omens await your matrimony
Making it known that it's not just for now it will be stormy
Crack the glass
Tip the bottle
Dance our dance
Two steps back
We had the strength to move further from that
We dance right through our holy pact
Now that all our time has lapsed
The last grain of truth fell through the hourglass
Cleaning up and looking back
Memoirs of our wedding trash
Throw it out
It was a memory passed
One day that we forgave the past
Kissed so true
Hands tightly clasped
Man and wife
Became monster and *****
Too proud to say we would ever take it back
Too hateful to assure it was worth the blast
Too kind to pull the trigger too fast
Shotgun wedding without the ***** filled sack
Praying for it to never come to that
Make an honest woman of me at last
At least we don't have to disappoint
Everyone assumed where this was going
Trace our steps back to the alter
Take back our words
Reverse the legality on paper
Pull off rings and our fake tremors
Replace it with who we really were to begin with
Shape and create a ending with splendor
Finish the way we started
I'm game for either
Get a reaction
No such luck
I went crazy on your behalf before
This final indenture
I don't owe you a pound of flesh
You had my mind
When I thought I had lost it
Keeping it locked and hidden in a box marked lovers
And now you show it back all tattered
The wrinkles once healthy
Now sag with bitter remebrance
And grey with genuine attempts and constant failures
You saw potential
You declared a ways back
A molding I tried to pour myself in
But instead it cracked
All you see now is what I lack
No purpose
No sense
No redeeming countenance
Just a used up waste of penitence
Apologies and sincere regret
What the **** would you do with that?
Each promise broken
Moved up two steps back
Go figure we moved behind
Instead of progressing forward on this track
It's not a race
And in our disgrace
We both lost ourselves
Before we stepped on the starting place

You ever have those moments
When you have nothing else to write
But you crave to scream
Into the void
Of words and thoughts
Just to hear others screams echo back?
A blank canvas of rage
And unsaid words
Cluster into your mind
Not meant to be said
Out loud but read
Like a secret laced with poison
The more who know
The more that are at risk
Of never being completely cured
And only when it's dark
Do I begin to wait
To seeth and grit
And contemplate
How much of this life
I truly hate
But Of which I am apart
I'm a working part of it all
And to feel the line of my life
Is to simply tolerate
While others sneer
And show their hate
And to accept that I must live and die
Within the walls they desecrate
Distract, medicate, pay and ****
Saluting my allegiance to a dollar bill
Reality tv is now considered a thrill
And pop and rap overflowing past fill
The idea that rules keep us safe
Just because I told you so
Unless you're a different race
Then the laws are meant for those who can't pay
Cause criminals with money
Somehow always manage to get away
I wish I were stupid
Or brain dead at least
And be completely unaware
Than to witness times as these
It's nothing to write about
Cause you already know
The worlds going to ****
And we're letting it go
As long as we do nothing
Then they'll assume we like it
So **** change
**** hope
**** ever evolving
I'll be dead and rotting
Before they get to solving
And now my rage is echoed in black
If you're in the darkness too
Just echo back

Ten years shy of our interlude
You watching me punching you.
First impressions were insude.
Who would have thought they would have lasted as long as you?
Hardened shells
Never crack
Passing notes
Hear you laugh.
Searching hallways
Looking back
See your face
Give me that.
A casualty of a hacky sack.
Keeping face and holding back.
Hug me tight
Apology
You won't see a single tear from me.
Turned your back away from me
Never wanting comforting
Especially from the likes of me.
Hugging back
Selflessly
Making you see this isn't me.
Highschool drama
**** those llamas
Keeping rage to a tolerable somber.
Pretending not to see you leave
So far away from my company.
Feeling others pulling me
Away from your integrity
Intentions made so violently
Trying to hate you
Have you forgetting me.
Angry notes are pushing
You farther and farther away from me.
Making us complicating
Something as simple as you and me.
**** this ****
I want this
Complicate me with our trust.
Let me be the one you dance with
When there are others you dismiss.
Passing up what could have been our first kiss.
Day of love
The day I hate
Who needs a valentine?
It could **** my taint.
Down the hall behind your back
A little flower
Now I'm trapped.
Handing it to me
Watching a smile grow widely.
Making my words into hypocrisy
Now they know I'm a girl and see
How you're cracking every bit of me?
Kissing cheeks
Make us blush
Never stopping our blood from the rush.
Holding hands
Intertwined
Finishing sentences
Reading minds.
It almost felt like you were mine
Before life parted us with time.
Far away
Computer screens
Catching up
Living things
Watching you love and letting you be
At least we had the memories.
Fell into some habits
So did you.
What is our lives coming to?
Feeling the shells harden again
Please don't break it
Let me pretend
You don't see me on this end.
You won't be proud of the things I did.
Fall off planets
Wedding bands
Stand at attention
No longer in each other's plans.
Seeing the world is the latest trend.
Asian continent
Back on earth we land
What are the odds
Of you planting your legs where I stand?
Aisle walks
Who's at the end?
Selecting food with a friend.
Stand like a statue
As I ascend
Hardly believing we're breathing the same oxygen.
Did you shake?
When I wrapped my hands
Around your back
Am I an illusion?
Miles from home
And I found my friend.
Bring my songs back to life
Thinking we've change
Together that's a lie.
There's much to do about nothing
To pick up where we left off back then.
The mold I'm squeezing myself in
You trying to keep yourself busy
Any excuse to have a run in meeting.
Find religion
No, but you'll spend time with me.
Watch me do some mormoning.
Maybe come over for some holidays
See the part where I'm cooking things.
Confiding in you that I hate Christmas
And you full heartedly agree.
It's not that bad though on the couch reminiscing.
Pull out year books and point out people
Together hating
What have you been up to since leaving me?
I love long stories
They won't bother me.
Once again fingers entangling.
Almost forgetting to whom I'm belonging.
Don't remind me of what I'm craving.
Here...look at these girls
They're all that you need.
The attention you give me only makes me think.
FHE hide and seek
Sit in my car
Listen to me sink
Oh, you met someone
Isn't that neat?
She makes you laugh
She helps you feel less lonely.
It wasn't until you had us meet
That my inner envy began to creep.
That night before deploying...
Even in front of her
You saying that you loved me.
And I believing it being more than friendly.
6 months out
Desert sands
Losing someone you thought you had
On both of our ends.
Ask advice
The hell if I know
The same thing is happening to me.
I wish it wasn't how it came to be.
A matter of time before you return to me.
Work day
In my registers place
I'm the first you choose to chase
And in response I jump to your embrace.
Relieved you came back in safety.
You came back home
And my home came back to me.
Darken sidewalks
Hand in hand
Tell me how you spent your time in the sand
Your place now
And I confess
There's things I feel
Parts of you I missed.
Expecting you to call me out
It's not fidelity if I say it out loud.
And yet you don't
You mimic me
Telling that you had been missing
Me.
At least we know
We said our peace
No further even though our doors are opening.
Don't swing wide
Don't let me feel your breeze.
Just one toe in
That's all I need.
Game of thrones
Barrack rooms
Wondering what I said to you
Just lay down
Don't go too far
Non make out session
Our hearts pound hard.
I'm on top
My face too close
Touching lips
The story goes
It's you and me
Staring
Can't believing it to be happening.
Just this once and then no more
Kissing as if we never had before.
Trying hard as hell to not want more.
All convictions to the floor
Loving each other like there's a settle to score.
But it doesn't count if you don't say
That you love me in anyway.
Let's keep it casual, I say.
Let's try to stop this all today.
Going out
Drinking scene
I'm trying to look pretty.
And you always look good
In whatever you throw on
Inebriated I try to make you sing a song.
Go out for some air
Let the drinks speak for me
Telling you I love you right then and there
Regardless of whoever could hear.
Moving too fast but I didn't care
If I lost you again at least of have it out there.
Drink me up into your cares
I'd rather be here than where I came
While you tell me you love me all the same.
It's probably wrong for both of us to say
But we've know it too long to be too ashamed.
Let someone else take the blame
Of constantly getting in the way.
Evenings spent in each other's sway
Till he calls or we get too carried away.
Not letting me go home just yet
Don't leave me alone
Don't make me forget
The places I've kissed on your neck.
Crevices discovered
New places of wonder
In and outside of those covers
No control
Let's leave the room
In the zone
Inhale those smoking fumes
Stupid smiles
To one another
They all knew about us and each other
The lust branded us both lovers
Except for that certain act
We broke ourselves not to rein act.
Kissing can be forgiven
But that sure as hell can't
Only when we belong to each other
Would we ever do that.
When and not if
After all of this
We felt too much with every kiss.
Placing each other in each future scenario
Naming kids and watching them grow
In our heads.
Plucking out names as we star gazed
Debating on waiting or straight away
Having our perfect family.
Talking of sharing our lives alone
But we weren't alone.
Knocks on the door
Back home there was met
Someone who found out our little secret.
Confronted
Turns out that I was actually wanted
Could have fool me by his quiet neglect
And we were both being treated like back stabbing suspects.
And that's when the guilt in me crept.
Stronger than I, you stood your ground.
Feeling bad for the conflict but not for being around.
Wanting to protect me from every sound
Of rage and breaking hearted rebound.
And after that it was like a divorcing trial
He'd have me all week and then you on the weekend but only for a little while.
Trying to keep myself going wild
Trying have both of you smile.
Stupid me
Now I see
I'm not the kind of person meant for sharing.
Back and forth and still I'd be
Exposed to 360 degrees of jealousy.
And on top of that you were leaving me.
Not deliberately
Not intentionally
Not wanting
To see me fade away into nothing.
Do our time
Make it count
Get the claw and pull nemo out.
******* there's a gloomy bear?
10 more tokens then we're there.
Photo booth
Print it clear
That we happened. We were here.
Walk a trail and find a tower
Watch the sunset from the water.
Skip those rocks until I get it right
We were always worth the fight
For any of those memories to see the light.
Knowing though right now can't be
Someday you ask to marry me
I've been asked that before
And you see where that got me
You don't blame me for the disbelief
And your ever hopeful eyes still plead
Never thinking back in spite
The things we felt on your last night.
Folding socks
Packing tight
Kissing time away that night.
Interrupted
And I left
Feeling so in completed.
Watch the clock before you take off
I need to make it now or not
Walk right through the terminal doors
And all of your resolve plummeted to the floor.
One last time and then no more.
It's hard enough to say goodbye
I can't do it when you have tears in your eyes
Trying hard to hold back mine
All we wanted was a little more time.
We always joked of how
Hours went by like seconds now
God allowed time to slow
When you're feeling miserable.
In the line
Watch you fly
Now it's only me, myself and I.
Hoping one of us can keep our memories
As my tangible one fade away from me.
Try again to recommitting
To the one I left hanging.
Trying to still be in your mind
But letting go to prove him right.
Then he left me high and dry
Should have saw that coming as soon as you took flight.
Hoping you put me from your sight
Burn my letters and live your life right.
While I deny myself the right and mine
Thinking I deserve it for my crime.
Breaking 3 hearts including mine.
Pass the time
I need to be better
I need to follow his life to the letter
Thinking I don't deserve much better
The one who you had wants out but I won't let her.
Feels like I waited forever.
Reconnected the line to the wrong receiver.
Thought I had done what I thought was best
Hearing your voice say those words and I couldn't contest
With your distance and your suppressed
Empathy for my distress.
It's the undeniable consequences.
Let myself fall of the surface
Breaking ties
Become the enemy
Become the very kind of person
I spent my life loathing.
Prey upon those who'd believe
All the pretty words I'd seethed.
Who knew it could be this easy
To make someone else fall in love with me?
Faceless guys who tripped to see
Any kind of attention from me.
Getting drunk every evening
Just to **** the part of me with feeling.
Touch me want me kiss me taunt me
Think you've made me the one who's wanting?
And then the prodigal boy who bounced me
Came back when he saw what I was flaunting.
You would have rolled your eyes at me
With everything that I was portraying.
Going back to the way I was playing.
In my defense I wasn't thinking.
About him.
About you.
About myself or what I had to do.
Deny the basic human right
To feel some happiness
To feel alive.
Take the bottle and the pills
Waking up the next morning
Disappointment with a side of chills.
At least it was a wake up call
Trying to control it all
If I was going to let myself fall
I didn't want to inconvenience anyone at all.
Play the part
Say the words
Live the lie
Make it work
Made my plans
Aligned with his
Come back home and he leaves again.
Knowing in the back of my head
You were somewhere else
And you lived.
Maybe someone was warming your bed.
Last we spoke, someone did.
Trying to keep my space again
I'd done enough as it is
For you to want to see my face again.
So I had thought
And I did.
You were waiting for my message.
Even if it was just as friends.
Facebook stalking
We both admit
We'd do it weekly until one of us
Started talking.
Passing thoughts
Wait for an update
Profile pictures
Changing
I kept taking more and more
Note on your tagged photos
Wondering who took those.
Did you still have the ones I took?
When you were alone and thinking
Did you have a look?
Did you ever think of me?
Why the hell aren't you messaging?
Then I, with silence breaking
"Hey there stranger...."
Message seen
Then you said you were willing me
To say those words through the screen.
Find out how you were close to me.
How did I feel about visiting?
Driving three hours to my county
And now to you I'm nervously driving.
Pulling up next to you
*******!
When did he get so huge.
Wait a moment for my breathing to ensue.
Unbuckle, get out and walk to you.
Pulled me in
Was the first thing you do
And the the feeling came rushing through.
Like some ****** on a binge
God, it felt so good to be held again.
Trying to avoid holding hands
Check me out
And I'll check you back
Tease each other
Make me crack
Almost kiss
Pull away
**** this ****
Do it anyways.
Walking in public places
Didn't help the pulsing phases
The time apart didn't diminish the traces
Of the physical draw, we just misplaced it
Maybe we should go back to my place
Watching some film while we look away
Baby, let's not get carried away
Close call
You almost made me fall
Crazy how that felt like no time at all
Till we're back on the same spiral.
Catch a glimpse of my swinging face
Smile now frown now back to our places
It's hard to feel so far away
When I stare at your face through this screen everyday
When I fall asleep to your voice at night
When we speak of drawing first blood
How hott it would be to fight.
Making business meetings
Into merging companies
Telling secrets
Making scenes
Silly faces
Fairly lands
Does it bother you?
It never did.
Trying to make my life less complicated
Convincing me
That the ground your standing
Is the one you claimed
Like planting a flag down in the name of your country.
Come to my door
Pull the beasts away from the floor
Then I'm against the wall
Pick me up
Never letting me fall
First impressions are the best
You say hello in a way if can't contest
Trying to keep the shake from your hands
As you fiddle and press all my buttons
Road trip riots
Scream out windows
Call me maybe?
That poor couple.
Amusement parks are just a perk
We're already amused together with the way we work.
Baby, I love you, turn around!
******* A!
The sloth you found!
My jaw almost hit the ground
I went full ****** just now.
Lemonade ice
Wishing wells
Tattooed dad's
Hands are held
Fight the straw
In your mouth
Remind me of my stature
Elbow on my head
Apologize
Kiss my face instead.
See a family struggling
With capturing their own memory
Tell me to ask and see
If their picture could be taken by me
So shy by your own generosity
I lovingly agree
Sleepy now
Wearing out
First time sleeping all personal.
Promise to stay
Regardless of what's happening?
We don't have to go all the way.
Naked now
If you kiss you lose
Did you kiss me
Or did I kiss you?
Alarm clock ******* up the sleep cycle
Waking up to see you smile
Morning breath
Just give me a little while
Get up from bed
Pull me back down
Put on your shirt
Take it back off now.
Taking care of canine kids
Taking a shower while you sit
Ready to go back on the road
Walgreens, gardens, now my favorite abode.
Secret spot that I show
**** rubbing that tree made me giggle.
On the strip
Arts and crafts store
No, I've never been in there before.
We both enjoy what we see so far.
*******.
They're playing Fast Car.
Stares are swapped
Grins are spread
Sharing that secret
Like we did.
Waiting till that song did end
To head to our next destination.
Walk up hill
Serious talk
Sit on grass
Picture swap
Ninja pose
You're built like a rock.
Find some food
But it's too crowded to walk.
Jason's deli has what we want
Only conflict is the drinks that we bought.
You like mine better?
I like yours too
Problems solved
Let the trade ensue.
Ticking clock
Almost time to leave
Rewinding parts of mr nobody
Trying not to let me see
How much you don't want to leave.
Kiss me like you don't want me to,
******* this kid is making me lose it too.
Get in car
Drive away
Call me soon
Drive home safely
FaceTime ******* us off incessantly
If we were in person
We wouldn't need this ******* thing.
Hardly an hour past, and then
You ask when you can see me again.
Make some plans
Rinse repeat
Tabb throw back
Dairy Queen food endeavor
Food lion **** break
Tim minchins radio doppelgänger
Read my brain
You thought it too
Art museum
I'm gunna get you
Riled up
And frustrated with me
It's hard to walk when in my ear
You're whispering
Do you hear a piano playing?
Let's trek back and see
The master of that melody
Hunting down the elderly
That old guy is you
And the old lady is me
Speaking of our future constantly.
Back to the ride
The glove box won't comply
Get some wire to compromise
Take me to get some shakes and fries
Wandering in the mall's walk lights
Going back across the bridge
My paranoia of the road permits
Squeezing your hand every five minutes.
Relax
Scream and step on the gas
You sure know how to make my brain go lax
Check on the kids
And then pursue
The slumber party
Take two
Messing up the room info
King sized bed
Downgraded to two q

Out of space
Once again
Finding love in friends
Complicate
Desecrate
What could be right
I know I'll lose
But hell
I'm up for a fight.
Open up
Light it twice
Don't you dare ask for advice
I've been so quiet
For so long
I don't want to hear the voice
That I've become
Tears now shed
A vacant stare
I hide far from
Feeling my share
Apart of you
Is a part of me
Forever bound
And forever free

Drunken rhyme
Regardless of the time
Things on my mind
Tag a swig
Make them dissapear
Another shot
Another joke
Take a moment
To Swallow the bitter choke
If it's meant to relax
Why do I grit?
Heart flutters
Thinning blood
Warm sweats
Take another one
Everclear
Left me blind
Had to quit
And resolve to lighter substances
Previous scars
Of un remembered drunken endeavors
Leave me lifted
In my own inebriation
I'll catch up
I'll have pace
Just keep me safe
In my little space
Takes a minute
To make me ok
Let me see
Another side
Of where I don't care
Being sober takes it's toll
And so does the drink
I wish I didn't care
What you really think
Just give me another one
Maybe join in the fun
I may be strong
And the liquor doesn't last long
But as long as I'm here
I'll have another shot
Or even a beer
As long as I'm not alone

Impossible to think
But it's all that I can do
A life in me
Came from the love of you
Tell you first
Of what could be
Expecting fear
A hesitant scene
Thinking too much of good
Can eventually lead to too much of a bad thing
The sick feeling
The smile on your face
The google search of symptoms and a trace
Of hope
Win win
Lose lose
It's hardly a dream I'd wait to choose
Talking of moments
If it all came out true
Timing is bad
But when is it not?
When it comes to us
We tend to move through those spots
Faster than we have time to think
Letting our words settle
And allowing our love to sink
Into me
Growing
Holding
What could be an image of our family.
The one we crave so desperately
Taking part what was once you and me
And creating a third
Both of us fitting into one small person
So perfectly
Asking if I'm scared or excited
Knowing you'll be there
Regardless of what's decided
This little thought left my brain ignited
Into fractures of images that can't be forgotten.
I see the way your eyes light up when you hear her name
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
That song has right to have fame
Taken from stars
And giving a name
This non existent child
Who has your humor
And my small frame.
My eyes
Your smile
Some pigtails
And dimples
A personality of innocent wonder
And perhaps a little brother.
Made by us and no others.
What if this is who we're meant to be?
Not just lovers to each other
But guardians of these children with me.
What if our hopes don't just exist in our dreams?
If we can touch them
If they are as perfect as we see
Tangability
Right at our finger tips
We could always do what we feel is right
Or instead we can do this.
Cause being upstanding isn't as great as it seems
We've both tried it and we drove ourselves crazy
Unless it's the insanity that we create.
So let's make some more
They'll be better at it without debate
Cracking us up
And holding us down
Driving us nuts
When they make that suspicious silent sound.
Hearing their staggered steps around
When they learn to walk on the ground.
What if this is who we're meant to be, sweetheart?
For each other
But more for them to be apart
Of their lives that we constantly talk about.