My former life is halting
My predators continue stalking
Be the prey
Or be the killer prompting?
I'd let you in but I'm too busy striking.
Relate
Empathizing
Listen
Criticizing
Scar for scar
Show me your shards and try to piece them with mine.
I'll pay the toll
Yours is cheaper
And worth my worthless time.
I'm made for the aimless drive.
My purpose of living is to live a lie.
Padded locks and dead bolt strains
Are the only protection of my rampant brain.
Take the pulse
Heartbeat false
I could be an enemy so keep me close.
Be wary what you say
I'll let you think you what you wish
Remaining a stranger
With an unexplainable imprint.
Try to disappoint me
Try to pick apart my flaws
Try to find the weak spot
I know mine better than all.
I've been on lockdown for years
The trick is to expose
Get used to the hated traits
And then let them all go.
I'm not a sage
I cannot fix your brain
I cannot feel the pressure
Of resurrecting your frame.
I'm selfish at most
Keep people around to hide within their cloaks.
I'm the breath when others choke
I'm accustomed to the toxic fumes
Like The Hills have Eyes,
I'm addicted to the abuse.
Mark my words
Or let them air.
I'll give you comfort
While you're entangled in your snare.
Be my savior?
Take on my past?
I've taken my bruises
And like people,
They never last.
So use your master key
The latches will open easily
My secrets are crosses
That I don't carry with ecstasy.
My attachment to them
Are much like your attachment to me.
Acknowledge the weight
But pretend to lift them effortlessly.
It's not a warning
Or a method to scare away
Just take it as a note
That what's locked is so for a reason.

Look at her
Such a pretty face
Looks like a keeper
But her thoughts vanish without a trace
What is she thinking of?
Who is on her mind?
The emotional fortress that keeps her
In the walls, behind
Could it be a heartbreak?
Or some ****** up action that she constantly finds?
Maybe it's her smile
The way she handles it all
The way she catches herself
Everytime she falls.
It's something that makes you wonder
Something that keeps you there
She let's you walk away
But somehow she keeps you there.
It's a moment between joy
And and the rage she has to face.
She can laugh in the moment of tragedy
And be cold in soft embrace.
You know the one I'm speaking of.
The girl who knows it all.
You catch her thinking off in absence
And deep within withdrawal.
You count among her tears
The marks her face implies
She's seen a lot of happiness
But knows a lot of lies.
She's a trap
And pit of endless draw
She tells you to depart from her
And yet you can't *******.
Or addiction to emotion
When she can't feel any at all.
And yet you sit and wonder
Why you chose to stay.
Did you choose to be with her?
Was she born this way?
Questions you can't answer.
And yet you stubbornly try.
You force to be the comfort
To clear the tears in her eyes.
No.
She's just a cluster
Of many others and you.
Cause she's apart of everyone else
As she is apart of you.
So ******* run for the hills.
Escape to the reaches of peace
She cannot see the peice of you
Cause she never learned to feel.
She mimics and acts
Like she knows what you know
I can speak for the reckless girl.
Cause I am her right now.

Take a look
What do you see?
Maybe cross your eyes
Then look more closely
Do you see what I've been portraying?
Has your view
Been askew
So now you see more clearly?
Has my visage and form
Come together now?
I've been this all along
Although, I don't know how
Perhaps try again later
When your mind has had a rest
It not something worth seeing
When my confidence chooses to digress.
It's easier to ignore
When I make a fool of myself
You see the tattered humor
But not much else
A smile
A joke
A laugh
A hoax
A false account
Of what you describe
Because I'm someone less funny
Behind my own eyes.
I ****
I choke
I scream
And provoke
I use
I abuse
I tend to seem gentle
But I fake that too
The illusion is
I act just like you
Between the folds
Of good intention
And generosity
Is something else lurking
Less able to act empathetically
My friends can be counted
On fewer fingers than foes
But I have but two hands
And that's the way it goes
A pillar of control
But addicted to addiction
I love to touch bodies
But secretly hate the friction
And now you stare like I've nothing to show
My optical illusion
Like I would want you to know
The thrill inside if me grows
Of taking and ******
Your opinion that clearly shows
And it all thanks to you
I suppose
When you said fake it till I make it
I embody clear responsibility
But look closer
I'm full of ****

In my life
I horde one thing
I keep them tucked and hidden
They aren't much to see
But they mean the world to me
A certain collection
I've stolen from yourself and I
Just little trinkets
To get myself by
I have a collection of flaws
Of every shape and size
From bad manners to mental tremors
From unseen stumbles
And prideful banters
From rude personalities
Thinking they won't be caught
I've caught them all
And I keep them locked
Not for blackmail
Or notes of who not to encounter
I use them for insulin
To inject into my matter
Imperfections and chips
Creator mistakes
And discarded finds
Makes them all different
Within my eyes
Adopting a cluster
Of **** ups
No matter the deed
I'll filter your qualities
And keep the bad ones for me
The beauty of them
Wings pinned behind glass
I see what you miss
You can see them too
You need only ask
Brazen sculptures of bronze
Of rust and grit
Are the same imperfections
Within me that fit
Unaccounted pieces
Not part of the same mold
I piece together
And make it a whole
Handicapped
Thin or fat
Rumors and lies
I hold them compact
With my fingertips
Filling the cracks
Give me your loose ends
I'll make up for that
My gallerey of trash
A mountain I stash
I admire it often
When others throw it back
The insecurities
That no one loves about you
I adore them all
Someone has to
They take up my life
They get in the way
Not once will I discard them
They're with me to stay
Most have come to see my display
The sight of my obsession
Frightened them away
And I collected their fear
Their uneducated weird
And kept it with me
So a part of them still lingers here
It's not a quiet hobby
As one would like to have
It's my oxygen of stability
And a harsh one at that
Breathe it in
Choke back and relax
It gets easier each time
To breathe in your effects
Pollute me with sin
I won't struggle
But give in
The worst part of you
Is the best part of me
If you aren't convinced by now
Come to my collection
And see

You have to choose
Happiness, I mean
Despite the filth and muffled screams
You have to choose
To offend
Than to play the victim
Time and again
You have to decide
When you open your eyes
If you'll choose to smile
Or choose to cry
You must weigh out
The pros and cons
Of bearing the load
Or shrugging it off
You must admit
That, of course, it *****
To seek the silver lining
Through the settling dust
It is a choice
Not an easy one at that
To hold out your hand
Instead of withholding it back
To forgive without apologies
To forget without closure
To live your life bravely
Despite the crippling exsposure
To those who decide
To be selfish and snide
You give them your support
Despite your piece of mind
To move past regret
Though some lie and say they have none
If you regret you learn
And that lesson is done
Not everything in life is supposed to be fun
You cannot choose how the days go on
When the sun rises with hope
And sets without mercy or love
You can choose how you feel with it all
No one can make you
And they try hard
To break the one thing
That is holding you up
Life is too short
And misery is too long
To have someone else make
Those choices for you
Let them under your skin
And allow them to wear it too
To keep all secrets to yourself
Because you'll fear what they'll do
Collect your mistakes
Wear them with pride
Look them straight on
Without averting your eyes
They make you a pillar
For your own life to live
So make that difficult decision
To not only exist
But to live
It's heartbreaking to see
That those not so different from me
Choose to lay down
And let the bullets fly free
Into their person
Into their heart
Let the world crush them
Let the world draw and quarter them apart
And they call it strength
They call it courage
To allow such courtesies
To stifle their rage
Of a spirit unfulfilled
And a thirst unquenched
To become the filth
To add to the stench
It's not what the soul was fashioned for
It's not what free will is to be
To decay in the rubble
And let your choices be unseen
To take offense
To be utterly spent
To let your mind vaporize
Without consequence
You know what is right
You'll choose to do wrong
Those thoughts are yours alone
And only to you do they belong
I apologize
And I choose to be strong
But no one is perfect
And that's what's perfect about us all

Morning rise
Stretch the spine
Feel the pop of the breaking line
Resurfacing my present mind
Let it bubble and burst with rhyme
My internal clock is full of wasted time
And still I turn and look to find
The worth of all my past behind
I have no use of paper promises
Currency and it's lifeless uses
Savings accounts leave my memories
Unaccounted
And still I work these back breaking hours
And live a life of clocking in numbers
Seconds and minutes
Hours and day
Weeks and months
And years fly away
Leaving my intentions all the same
If I'm stagnant it would be a shame
Because every morning chime
I awake wishing for change
Insert some new pictures into my mental frame
And as I stand to the occasion
I find myself lame
Looking in the mirror somedays
To see if I have held myself at bay
Teetering from good and bad
As I see my image in disarray
Parting with the games I'd play
Replace them with a more responsible sway
Just tired I guess
Of cleaning the mess
Of picking up pieces
The wounds I would dress
Coddling those who never surpress
Their wants or needs
To my generous caress
Family and friends
Seems to be ever distressed
And still I reach out
My lips, I'd press
It's never a question of more or less
It's only my time and money I choose to invest
Smile through the trials
Grin through the pain
Go to sleep and have the strength
To wake the next morning
And do it again

Drunken rhyme
Regardless of the time
Things on my mind
Tag a swig
Make them dissapear
Another shot
Another joke
Take a moment
To Swallow the bitter choke
If it's meant to relax
Why do I grit?
Heart flutters
Thinning blood
Warm sweats
Take another one
Everclear
Left me blind
Had to quit
And resolve to lighter substances
Previous scars
Of un remembered drunken endeavors
Leave me lifted
In my own inebriation
I'll catch up
I'll have pace
Just keep me safe
In my little space
Takes a minute
To make me ok
Let me see
Another side
Of where I don't care
Being sober takes it's toll
And so does the drink
I wish I didn't care
What you really think
Just give me another one
Maybe join in the fun
I may be strong
And the liquor doesn't last long
But as long as I'm here
I'll have another shot
Or even a beer
As long as I'm not alone