The mirror's reflection looked away from me today.
She knew my secret and my shame...
Even now I thought I could hide it from her.
There are certain dualities to monogamous promises
Because emotions are never made just for one.
If I knew I would have loved him then I would have hated him first.
If I knew I would hurt him...then I would have killed him before I could.
I've traced all my steps back into a wall.
The path that was there before has been blocked by my own hand.
I built it with every lie and every truth about myself,
And yet I stand dumbfounded at the choice I am to make.
I'm panting and wild eyed for an escape
And my captors are threatening for an answer.
Both breathing fantasies and lives that I want to see
And all they get from me is a choke.
A stammer.
A stutter of a choice made but not thought through.
I give them both each hand to have but the joke is on me...
Basic anatomy only gave me one heart.
And them as well.
They both gave theirs to me and now I'm overly supplied
And worrying over them spoiling if I leave them out too long.
Then I think to myself of a prose well said,
"Get thee to a nunnery."
And like a coward, I flee.

A forenight ago, I dreamnt of you.
I knew it was a dream because
You told me you loved me.
I smiled and paced my heart to calm
And I knew it was a dream because
I felt you hold me.
Every second of illusion I held onto so tightly.
I knew it was a dream because
I felt you want me.
I told you I love you and I kissed you so fiercely.
I knew it was a dream because
I thought you'd never leave me.
In sleeping haze and innocent wanting
We walked and laughed and talked and cried.
We named our children and counted the tears falling from our eyes.
We made peace with our faults and forgave each other each sin.
And in that peace we were willing to begin...
But...I knew it was a dream.
Reluctant and wretched and longing and cold
My eyes fall open to an empty pillow.
All other dreams were so fleeting and easy to forget,
Yet this dream was the one you made.
You crafted it with all my desires of you
And caressesd each fold of it into my sleep.
To seal it there you pressed it with a kiss
And left it there within a cerebral prison.
Teasing and prodding long after you left.
Yes, I know it's a dream because
You left.

I do not envy the mother you made her become.
Anyone can open their legs and conceive your pretenses of love.
I do not pity the regret you had for ever leaving me for this false emotion...
This desperate grasp of freedom when I held you accountable for what you did with it.
I do not respect that you ran away from the mistakes you made guided with haze and a bottle of cheap resolve.
I didn't break you, so I have no intention to buy your escape out of the cycle that your father left you with.
The child you bore is the only part of you that concerns me.
I pity her face because it bears the remainder of your strength.
I envy her ignorance because she still sees you with unconditional dependance.
She does not call me mother, but I love her still the same
As I had loved you.

50%  of marriage is made out of silence.
Sometimes it's too quiet to notice, though.
And we become so used to it
That any sign of my spouses voice almost offends me.
And I love you too much to let you know what I'm thinking.
You ask me countless times,
Like clockwork, "What are you thinking?"
And just as consistantly I answer without giving you a hint.
"I was thinking that I love you."
Begging you to continue the silence.
I forget the reason why it became so **** quiet...
All I know is that it's better this way.
And when we're infront of our friends and family
We silently agree to act as if we were still best friends...
As if we knew every secret and more.
Then we return home and close the door
And turn each other on mute.
Like phatoms chained to a ball of non commital noise.
Sometimes I think my ,"I do" was the last honest thing I said to you.

There's a sense of claustrophobia
But not within a box.
When left to myself for too long
I become afraid inside my skin.
And it's almost poetic
Because there won't be an expansion of space
My skull confines what thoughts stir within.
Inhale...EXHALE!
Take too many breaths and I choke.
I choke on the aprehension of never escaping.
And yet, I'm afraid of leaving.
Agoraphobiatic enough to stay exactly behind the threshold.
My eyes are the doors to these fears.
You could never tell it in my face, however...
Because I'm scared of you more than I am of myself.
I'll mimic and agree.
I'll put on a show in a way that you would never suspect
Yet behind my act of egomania
I withdraw myself and present to you another.
Who is braver than I could ever be.
I am my phobia.

A moment of silence

Can be the difference between a war and a calm.

It could be the gap between words

And all the meaning within them.

Just one moment of silence

Can provoke heartache or acceptance.

But after that moment

No others can replace it.

There are only moments of clutter

And mindless choices due uncatagorized actions.

A moment of silence

Comes before the the pull of a trigger

Or after the death of a friend.

It delays the inevitable of letting something go

Just a moment of silence.

Just one second with the absence of sound.

One last look at an alternate ending.

One final inhale of freezing resolve.

One last kiss imprinted in memory.

And a moment of silence keeps it there...

Untouched and unaltered

Free to hang in the air and fill our lungs

And spark nostalgic reminders at our expense.

And in all the moments that will follow

This will be the one that silence will conquer.

Do you hear me?
Is my voice mature enough to articulate my plea?
Should I wait a year or two for my basic right of explination?
I'm sure being so young entitles me to draw attention to myself,
And forget my place in your most complicated world.
So forgive me for the assumption that the past you leave behind
Is the future I'm about to command with my inexperiance.
Instead of teaching me, you choose to neglect.
Instead of preparing me, you choose look down upon and degrade me.
Instead of acknowledging me, you choose to medicate me.
You gave me a false sense of entitlement and then punish me
For your mistakes.
Do you see me?
Does my face have the careworn scowl that yours now carries?
Are my eyes still carrying the innocence that you regret losing?
Don't fret for me then
Because it will soon fade.
The hope that I carry within my smile
Will soon mimic the dissapointment in yours.
I am your child.
I am your student.
I am your caretaker when you are old.
I am your future leader that will stand in your place.
I am encouragable and thirsty for when my voice carries weight.
And when my face grows with the ideas you have placed in my head,
Then you have no one to blame but yourself when your voice goes mute.
You'll be wanting for attention
And my response will be that of rememberance of when I was a child.