just another face in the crowd
just another classmate
we spoke occasionally, commenting on each other's work
Then it happened.

A random visit to my slumbering thoughts
made cloudy confusion blow away with the dark storm
I awoke with a smile on my face
hope wrapped around me
with a misty twinge of impatience for Tuesday rolling through

i'm not ready
i can't be ready
it's too soon...
isn't it?
it doesn't matter, he's not interested anyways

i don't want a rebound
i can't get hurt again

silence swept in behind you
calmly, coolly, quietly
setting things down beside me  

playful jibes,
attentive conversations,
shy glances,
soft smiles,
ending with long walks in the darkening sky bright with city lights

heart pounding in my breast,
breath slipping past my lips in bursts,
butterflies fluttering in my stomach

things I had not felt for a long time
rose to the front of my mind
blooming in my heart
stirring with every class spent together

The fairytale I longed for may not exist,
but you may be the man to help me find something *better

I dance to the beat

That life flings at me.

I am a bit foolish

And suicidal,

But nonetheless

Your grace

Inspires me

To be calm;

And yes,

I confess,

A bit sloppy.

just
a tree.
taking root
slowly, gradually
firmly.
yes, firmly.
reaching deeper
growing stronger
holding tighter.



think it's easy
when I'm
ripped out of
pulled out of
torn out of
familiar
soil

uprooted.
to make way
for something
newer
prettier


better

just
a tree
and I guess
its my time
to leave

I did not cry for you.

I have never cried for anyone who has left me because
I have always believed that I am so much stronger than the hollow silence.
But you once said I was beautiful, and you once said I was brave.
You will never see me in a toga or a white dress or a maternity tee,
but I hold fast to the days when you were mine to love and to look up to,
and I will always remember you in hot chocolate and french braids.

I'm so sorry.

I suppose I’m

I wish

sad since

I didn’t

I realized I

read

was last I

between

liked being first

the lines

sorry

I remember that summer by the lake
How you were surprisingly quiet that day
and nice to everyone which was weird
no sarcastic remarks
or swearing

so unlike you

your wit had died down
if we hadn't known better
we would of said you were distracted
But grateful for the change in your
demeanour
and teaching me to skip stones
If only you had taught me how to place my heart in my palm
and throw that away
instead

You weren't one for smiles
but you didn't like dramatic send offs either
that's why I was surprised when we found your cold body on the floor
bathed in the afternoon sun
In your fathers cabin
by that god forsaken lake
Under that red sky that turned everything the shade of your blood

Cassie slipped and fell and screamed
But I didn't hear her I was too busy focusing on you
willing myself to see a chest rising and falling
but all there was, was static
somewhere beyond Cassies screams

And Luke rushed to somehow clasp your wounds shut
The reflexes of a Doctor's child
But he didn't see that there was no more blood left to flow
and you were blue and cold
but you seemed unburdened of whatever
was eating
you

I remember feeling relief
I stood there
numb

We laughed at your funeral
At the irony of it all
and when your aunt got up and said you were the most
kind, generous young man
we almost died of laughter then

you were the most cold sarcastic ******we ever met

but still loved you

Jake elbowed me and said "What would he do if he was here right now?"
I smiled  "He'd jump out that ******* coffin and give his mother a heart attack"
Because it was you after all
You did love dramatic endings

She claims she feels no pain,
That society has no effect on her.
Yet, red lines scatter along her body,
And a thinning body screams for aid.
See past her lies,
She needs your help.