I can't pretend that i'm angry at you, when really I'm not. I can't pretend that I hate you, when the opposite is true. I can't pretend you don't mean a thing to me, because you're absolutely perfect and I can't pretend that you don't matter to me, because you do. More than you think, tons more than you can imagine and immeasurably more than what your mind can perceive. I can't pretend that you don't matter, especially when I know in my heart that's not true.
Because you sure do matter, there's no denying that.
You matter more than anyone else and my mind knows that, my heart feels that and I have no choice but to believe that.
Sometimes it upsets me that you matter this much but there's nothing I can do, i'm too hopelessly in love with you. I can't stop now because i'm in too deep. Your love has got me crazy and I can't deny, it means something.
I can't pretend that you don't mean a thing, I can't pretend that you don't matter, when you matter, quite perfectly to me.

When I let people down
I tend to feel real bad
Something big or something small
Always gets me feeling sad
Big deal or not so big
Still really gets me down.
I Started out with a smile
Then I was chilling with a frown.
The only way I let go of things
Is through the words that I write.
I'm just tryna apologise
For not showing up last night.
I'm sure, that you had fun
Memories made ,and celebrations done.
Either way, stay you.
Keep going after what you want.
And don't you stop until you see
Your name in lights, at MSG.
Keep being ambitious and passionate about what you do,
Cause not everybody's got your mindset, they're just passing through.
Never forget your strength in Christ
And live your dream regardless of the strife
So , stay humbled and stay blessed and remember,
You're nothing like the rest.

Boy i'd hate to see you sad,
And i'd hate to see you cry.
I love saying hello,
Breaks my heart to say goodbye.
When i'm with you, its like time flies
Baby we're together now let's watch the sun rise.
When we're together, no mistakes,
Two worlds collide, in the right place.
No more, heart breaks,
Us together, must be fate.
Let go crazy in this place,
Making memories like its a race.
The love we have, its insane,
All you gotta do , is remain.
Remain in one state of mind
The one where you love me, that's just fine.
Boy I love you, don't you know?
This is for real, its not a show.
Why would I lie and be fake?
That's not my style, its a mistake.
I'm just me, that's who I am.
Trying my best, just for my man.
Living my life each golden day,
Praying to God things stay this way.
What i'd do without you, i'm not sure,
When i'm feeling down, your love's the cure.
Boy I love you, you should know.
Our lives, that's our broadway show.

Its funny how you've always looked at someone but you've never really seen them. Like you've seen their physical appearance but you haven't really seen them until you've spoken to them and seen what they're really like. You've always looked at them but you never saw them for who they truly are. Its like once you speak to them all the walls of perceptions you've built up of them broke down in to tiny pieces and now you're building a completely new wall from scrap. Its like the veils have been removed from your eyes and the new wall seems obscurely beautiful. No flaws and imperfections and you stand completely in awe at the beauty of this new wall until something unfortunate happens for you to see it differently. Like now you see the wall has cracks and holes that probably were there all along, you just failed to notice I because you were blinded by their perfection all along. You never even saw it possible for them to have imperfections. Funny how the perception you've built of this person just changes so much in an instant.

"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful." - Eric Thomas

The problem with being or at least attempting to be successful comes when people try to get you down. The same goes for trying to be happy, as soon as you're happy, try to live life happily or just decide to be happy, something always happens.
I guess that's why people fear being happy. It seems like you're setting yourself up for a downfall.
Sometimes people see you being happy and they're jealous/envious of your happiness that they'll do anything in their power to destroy it. And its kinda sad too. Its sad to see someone without joy or happiness in their life for so long, that they feel you're undeserving thereof.
When you try to be happy, and do good, there's always someone or something that gets in the way.
People try to redirect you, Try to influence you to change your mind.
But what you have to do is, do your own thing, be YOU, live for YOU, dream for YOU, and make decisions for YOU. Do you want to know why? Because that's all that matters. YOu matter, and YOU deserve better.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
So untrue, I believe
That words can easily hurt me.
You don't feel the pain I do,
The hurt that your words gave me.
Words can shatter, break and ****
The lovely one inside me.
Time after time you'd repeatedly say,
The words that always hurt me.
Little you knew how you were killing,
The loud voice inside me.
Your words that brought a lot of sad thoughts,
Suicide running in my mind.
I'd rather die than live a life,
Where your words are slowly hurting me.
Words do hurt and break people down,
I honestly wish you could see.
The tongue that we have was a gift given,
for use just by you and me.
But you chose to abuse and overuse,
The gift given to you.
How do live with yourself, I humbly ask,
Is speaking kind words that much of a task.
You have the power with the words that you say.
Why not be kind then? Just try it for a day.
You could save a life with the words that you say,
Please try speaking in a more polite way.
Lastly I'd like to leave you with a thought,
If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

There are days when I tend to let my thoughts get the better of me.
I tend to see things in a different way, completely changed you'd see.
I start to blame myself for things I have no control over.
But it all seems my fault, until someone speaks some sense in me.
My thoughts get the better of me so badly sometimes that I see more bad than good in what I once considered perfection.
I feel as if i'm ready to lose my mind
Emotions on a rollercoaster, but there's not even a high.
Inexplicable feelings, you just wouldn't understand.
The things I have to go through, you haven't experienced it first hand.
Though i've intended no harm, people were hurt nonetheless.
Cause you can't always please everybody, only a select few at a time.
I just haven't decided who's worth it, because i'm no good at goodbyes.
Why does it all hurt so much, can't explain the pain that my heart feels .
It saddens the heart, spirit and mind , my "happy buzz" is killed.
Amazing how we come to feel and think of the things we once cherished, once loved and will always remember.
Just know things aint always easy.
And there's more to what you see.
Best believe life's gonna change you
Just hope i'll still be me.