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Oct 2013 · 3.3k
What i'm feeling (part 2)
Ever felt like absolutely nothing is going your way?
Like you've tried so hard, yet they don't hear a word you say.
You do your best, yet still no recognition,
It just doesn't feel like my life, seems more like fiction.
Everything is going wrong and I don't know how to feel,
Is this really my life? These emotions seem so surreal.
I used to be so happy, now life's filled with strife.
"There goes the girl with the smile" , they'd say.
"she must have a good life".
If only they knew what I really feel like.
A roller coaster of emotions bottled on the inside.
What you see, is not who I am,
But I guess that's just life.
At least I have my pen and page,
That "something" that keeps me from showing all this rage.
I seem to be pretty good at giving advice,
Seeing that people keep coming back.
But why do I feel like i'm helpless, i'm useless,
Just an old dusty book that's shelved on the rack.
At least I have my best friends
So loyal and true they are.
They help me deal with my emotions
And heal each painful scar.
I'm really grateful for them, otherwise my life would have been a mess.
I'm trying to focus on the positives
And lay the negatives to rest.
This is my life that i'm living
MY LIFE that was meant for ME to live.
So why am I wasting it being all depressed.
I need to stop doing this to myself,
I deserve better than all this mental torture
I need to smile and give myself a break
Before these thoughts of mine, will begin to shake.
I need to stop looking for excuses,
Because all this procrastinating has got me blaming.
I'm supposed to live a happy life
But why don't I feel that way?
I swear nothings going right, everyday things change.
Happiness is a choice it all depends on ourselves
So I'm going to try and see if it works.
Those words the screenplay of my life.
Each day is an oppurtunity, dare to make use of it.
That much will benefit me I know
I just need to listen to myself more I guess
So why does it seem so hard
Haters are always going to be there,
So its no use casting the blame on them.
This, is all me, a choice to be made.
Where I have to decide.
Decide to stop being morbid, sad and depressed,
Decide to change my life and the way I react to things.
Its all up to me.  Me. Me.
The choice is mine.
Oct 2013 · 2.2k
What i'm feeling (Part 1)
It that kind of tired,
That sleep can't fix.
Its all the Stressors and the problems,
Making up the mix.
Nightmares playing all the songs,
That I don't want to remember.
Sitting up late at night,
Like its a day in December.
No matter what I try,
They haunt me day and night.
Cause no matter what I do,
It never seems quite right.
Feeling lazy and real sad
Not even sure what's this bad.
Feel depressed and quite down.
Still no smile, just a frown.
What i'm feeling, can't explain
World's closing in of all this pain
Words can't say it, songs can't sing it
Only my mind can believe it .
What i'm feeling i'm not sure,
Though my music is my cure.
Feeling down, don't know why
Play some music, life's a high.
I love my music, that I know.
People watching, but here's no show.
So this poem, might not make sense.
Its just my way to vent.
Oct 2013 · 3.4k
What happened to us?
What's happening to all of us? The so-called generation of tomorrow?
Don't you remember how we used to be?
Before we all grew up, swearing that when we're "big" we're never going to smoke or drink?
That boys were yucky and girls had Germs?
Remember how carefree we all used to be? It didn't matter to us what people said or even what they thought. We didn't care if our hair got wet or a stain got on to our clothes.

Now we've turned everything around, never meaning the words that we said. Its as if every memory of who we were, has shattered, into tiny bits of pieces.
Remember the dreams we had when we were young? The morals and virtues we swore we'd never rid of, holding on to these for dear life, yes still we threw them away.

The people we are, the children we used to be, now a totally new adolescent. A conjunction of minuscule parts of both  our past and present.

Remember the days we all were friends, no backstabbing, no lies, and complete honestly.

Sharing the humour, not hiding the facts, lived life freely, what happened to us? What happened to the people we used to be?

The all grew up that's what happened I guess, but now barely recognisable. The little child still somewhere deep in the interior of the hard outside we've formed.

Making ourselves to seem like we're stubborn, matured adults, when that's really what we're not.
We're a mixture of what we all used to be and a huge part made up of what we've been through.
All our experiences, both good and bad. All our dreams, some nourished since we were young, and others newly spurted. Our decisions to give in to peer pressure, or resist temptation. Our choices. Our friends, the ones that uplift is and the ones that have torn us down. Our family, the ones who loved us and the ones who have hurt us. Our education, tons of learning experiences. Our relationships, that all formed our inner beings more intricate than all of the above. Our emotions leading us and misleading us to where we might or might not end up . Look, i'm not saying all these things determine where we end up but they sure do influence it.

And that's what happened to us.

That is what we've become and that's what we are. That's made up all the parts of who we really are.

What's happened to us, I repeatedly ask , though the answer, it seems so clear.

Hard to accept, what we've become and who we strive to be.
Sometimes you open yourself up to a person because you feel and believe that they're different and maybe this time they won't break your heart and that your love will be requitted. So you go out on a limb and open up so much of yourself to this person. Things that you're afraid to tell others about because of fear of being judged or rejected. But there's just something about this person that allows you to tell them everything. You become so comfortable in the presence of that person that you openly admit your flaws, you don't hide it. You just completely lose yourself in love and in the thought and concept of being loved, of being in a relationship and of being with someone that you can be yourself with. The idea of that person just completely excites you and everything about them makes you happy. Seeing them and hearing their voice just helps you in an inexplicable manner and being with them is an emotion of complete comfortability on its  own. You learn to love this person and you accept their flaws and differences. You accept how they might not necessarily love eating McDonalds as much as you do or they are crazy about sci-fi movies where you can't even get yourself past watching a chick flick.
But that's just it, you don't mind.
You don't mind because love is about sacrifices.
Its about sacrificing your weekly episode of The Vampire Diaries to watch the most recent sports updates.

Because you'd rather lose the argument than to lose the person. You'd sacrifice a part of your daily routine all for love. The worst part is that nothing is guaranteed. You're not guaranteed how long you will be in a relationship with this person. You're not guaranteed complete happiness and you're not guaranteed that things are going to be perfect. You just have to trust this person and have faith. Believe the best and hope that everything will work out for the. Best. Believe that even if you break up with this person, that you're going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok, and that new beginnings are perfectly acceptable. Believe that you're going to overcome heartbreak of any kind. You just have to believe that someone out there is looking for someone like you.
What others see Wrong in you just might be the exact thing that will make someone else fall in love with you. And you need to be realistic. Not all relationships last forever. Some relationships are there for lessons and experiences. So that very person that you completely open yourself up to, can break your heart. It could be during or even after the relationship.

But its all part of life I guess. You'll never know how to love someone wholeheartedly if you haven't been hurt before. You just have to turn your heartbreak in to something positive, make the most out of your situation. See the light in the darkness. But learn to deal with things too. Find closure in what happened to you and don't leave a relationship with unfinished business. Because unfinished business will have to be finished sooner or later, and I think sooner is better. Allow yourself time to heal too. Opening yourself up to someone that much can hurt you a lot, and everything you had with that person will be completely lost in an instant. And you're gonna need to come to terms with that. Remember that what's meant to be , will be.

Love, is a complicated thing, and you're never quite sure how things could possibly turn out to be. You're just gonna go out on a limb each time hoping for the best and patiently waiting for your happily ever after with a special person.
Oct 2013 · 4.0k
Them young boys
Oh be careful of them young boys
I heard my momma say.
Silly, I thought, what does she mean.
Surely saying young only refers to age.
Them young boys are gonna break your heart,
Play with you, tease you and capture you Straight from the start.
Them young boys? Impossible I say.
They love me too much to let things go that way.
Oh momma what do you mean when you say that they lie,
My dear child listen to me, it's better if you hide
Hide away from then young boys, its safer, trust me, you'll see.
Them young boys love to break your heart
Into tiny bits and pieces.
Yet still I chose disobedience and followed them young boys anyway.
Boy oh boy why had I not listened,
This is not child's play.
Now I sit, brokenhearted, with tons of memories as proof.
Proof of all i've been through, with all them young boys.
Listen to your momma my friends used to say, and I never understood why
But better that than a broken heart, that them young boys tore apart.
Listen to your momma big little girl,
She knows what she's talking about.
The pressure of being a teenage girl
Is slowly closing in.
At times not sure which way to turn to
Or how i'll ever win.
Between school work and a social life
The hard-worked filled journey,
A life full of strife.
When feeling like giving up,
You wonder just why not?
Maybe it'll all be worth it in the end,
Maybe it won't.
But I just have to press on
Because I won't know which way life goes
If I don't persevere.
Despite my trials and tribulations,
I need to stay strong in my life.
Despite all the things that's going on.
I'm just going to have to press on.
High school life doesn't make things easy.
There's a ton of pressure to be perfect around me but through this storm
I'm sure I can make it,
I can survive with my positive spirit,
No matter how hard they try to break it
The pressure of being a teenage girl
Is slowly closing in
But i'm gonna let nothing stop me
Until, i'll be the one who wins.
Oct 2013 · 4.1k
Live, dont merely exist.
To live is the rarest thing in the world. I agree with that statement. To live means to have life or to be alive, but how many people actually do that?

"Life is a crazy ride and nothing is guaranteed.", said Eminem. So many people in today's day and age have gone through situations, and almost always unexpectedly. The impact of the situation has left many of them with no zest for life, and they end up simply existing. Its pretty sad if you think about it though. Where some of us are living a zealous life, amped with motivation, others are like clouds, just drifting by, day after day.

Well, I think that's the problem, I think that is to blame for so many things. People who only exist have no goals for their lives, they become negative and have no hope whatsoever. They become so pessimistic that they sometimes get the better of the optimistic. That shouldn't be happening. I can confidently say that those who live to just exist, are the most negative in our population. Everybody suffers and everybody hurts but some of us have acknowledged the fact that circumstances are temporary, so why should we let it get the better of us.

Life is way too short to just go by existing. Doing that is like making food that won't get eaten or buying a phone that you won't use, its pointless. Existing instead of living is almost insulting your creator. Each of us were created for a special purpose, and merely existing is not one of those. I believe that just existing is a waste. So many of us have lost friends and Family members, that we would give anything to see again. You have a life, they don't. Make use of it.

Remember that you were only give one life to live, but if you do it right, once is enough. Also, always know that if you love life, it will love you back. Living your life to the best of your ability can only ever have a positive effect on your life. You were given this life because you're strong enough to live it.

Take chances. Tell the truth. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone randomn. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologise. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Regret nothing. Most importantly, live life.
I can't pretend that i'm angry at you, when really I'm not. I can't pretend that I hate you, when the opposite is true. I can't pretend you don't mean a thing to me, because you're absolutely perfect and I can't pretend that you don't matter to me, because you do. More than you think, tons more than you can imagine and immeasurably more than what your mind can perceive. I can't pretend that you don't matter, especially when I know in my heart that's not true.
Because you sure do matter, there's no denying that.
You matter more than anyone else and my mind knows that, my heart feels that and I have no choice but to believe that.
Sometimes it upsets me that you matter this much but there's nothing I can do, i'm too hopelessly in love with you. I can't stop now because i'm in too deep. Your love has got me crazy and I can't deny, it means something.
I can't pretend that you don't mean a thing, I can't pretend that you don't matter, when you matter, quite perfectly to me.
Oct 2013 · 1.7k
For Cal
When I let people down
I tend to feel real bad
Something big or something small
Always gets me feeling sad
Big deal or not so big
Still really gets me down.
I Started out with a smile
Then I was chilling with a frown.
The only way I let go of things
Is through the words that I write.
I'm just tryna apologise
For not showing up last night.
I'm sure, that you had fun
Memories made ,and celebrations done.
Either way, stay you.
Keep going after what you want.
And don't you stop until you see
Your name in lights, at MSG.
Keep being ambitious and passionate about what you do,
Cause not everybody's got your mindset, they're just passing through.
Never forget your strength in Christ
And live your dream regardless of the strife
So , stay humbled and stay blessed and remember,
You're nothing like the rest.
Boy i'd hate to see you sad,
And i'd hate to see you cry.
I love saying hello,
Breaks my heart to say goodbye.
When i'm with you, its like time flies
Baby we're together now let's watch the sun rise.
When we're together, no mistakes,
Two worlds collide, in the right place.
No more, heart breaks,
Us together, must be fate.
Let go crazy in this place,
Making memories like its a race.
The love we have, its insane,
All you gotta do , is remain.
Remain in one state of mind
The one where you love me, that's just fine.
Boy I love you, don't you know?
This is for real, its not a show.
Why would I lie and be fake?
That's not my style, its a mistake.
I'm just me, that's who I am.
Trying my best, just for my man.
Living my life each golden day,
Praying to God things stay this way.
What i'd do without you, i'm not sure,
When i'm feeling down, your love's the cure.
Boy I love you, you should know.
Our lives, that's our broadway show.
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
5 August 2013
Its funny how you've always looked at someone but you've never really seen them. Like you've seen their physical appearance but you haven't really seen them until you've spoken to them and seen what they're really like. You've always looked at them but you never saw them for who they truly are. Its like once you speak to them all the walls of perceptions you've built up of them broke down in to tiny pieces and now you're building a completely new wall from scrap. Its like the veils have been removed from your eyes and the new wall seems obscurely beautiful. No flaws and imperfections and you stand completely in awe at the beauty of this new wall until something unfortunate happens for you to see it differently. Like now you see the wall has cracks and holes that probably were there all along, you just failed to notice I because you were blinded by their perfection all along. You never even saw it possible for them to have imperfections. Funny how the perception you've built of this person just changes so much in an instant.
Oct 2013 · 1.1k
23 July 2013
"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful." - Eric Thomas

The problem with being or at least attempting to be successful comes when people try to get you down. The same goes for trying to be happy, as soon as you're happy, try to live life happily or just decide to be happy, something always happens.
I guess that's why people fear being happy. It seems like you're setting yourself up for a downfall.
Sometimes people see you being happy and they're jealous/envious of your happiness that they'll do anything in their power to destroy it. And its kinda sad too. Its sad to see someone without joy or happiness in their life for so long, that they feel you're undeserving thereof.
When you try to be happy, and do good, there's always someone or something that gets in the way.
People try to redirect you, Try to influence you to change your mind.
But what you have to do is, do your own thing, be YOU, live for YOU, dream for YOU, and make decisions for YOU. Do you want to know why? Because that's all that matters. YOu matter, and YOU deserve better.
Oct 2013 · 1.5k
Words
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
So untrue, I believe
That words can easily hurt me.
You don't feel the pain I do,
The hurt that your words gave me.
Words can shatter, break and ****
The lovely one inside me.
Time after time you'd repeatedly say,
The words that always hurt me.
Little you knew how you were killing,
The loud voice inside me.
Your words that brought a lot of sad thoughts,
Suicide running in my mind.
I'd rather die than live a life,
Where your words are slowly hurting me.
Words do hurt and break people down,
I honestly wish you could see.
The tongue that we have was a gift given,
for use just by you and me.
But you chose to abuse and overuse,
The gift given to you.
How do live with yourself, I humbly ask,
Is speaking kind words that much of a task.
You have the power with the words that you say.
Why not be kind then? Just try it for a day.
You could save a life with the words that you say,
Please try speaking in a more polite way.
Lastly I'd like to leave you with a thought,
If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Untitled
There are days when I tend to let my thoughts get the better of me.
I tend to see things in a different way, completely changed you'd see.
I start to blame myself for things I have no control over.
But it all seems my fault, until someone speaks some sense in me.
My thoughts get the better of me so badly sometimes that I see more bad than good in what I once considered perfection.
I feel as if i'm ready to lose my mind
Emotions on a rollercoaster, but there's not even a high.
Inexplicable feelings, you just wouldn't understand.
The things I have to go through, you haven't experienced it first hand.
Though i've intended no harm, people were hurt nonetheless.
Cause you can't always please everybody, only a select few at a time.
I just haven't decided who's worth it, because i'm no good at goodbyes.
Why does it all hurt so much, can't explain the pain that my heart feels .
It saddens the heart, spirit and mind , my "happy buzz" is killed.
Amazing how we come to feel and think of the things we once cherished, once loved and will always remember.
Just know things aint always easy.
And there's more to what you see.
Best believe life's gonna change you
Just hope i'll still be me.
I miss how close we used to be,
How open we could be with each other, a different kind of free.
I miss our long talks about anything under the sun.
We could talk about anything, never get bored, always having fun.
I miss the laughter and the jokes the most, always cracking me up.
I miss the way you knew me like nobody else ever could.
I loved how we could light up each other's day with a big hug or a smile.
Can you please help me to see, what happened in this short while?
Barely two months have passed, nothing happened, yet we only greet nowadays.
How did we go from inseparable to complete strangers.
Don't you remember?
Best friends for life, that's what we're supposed to be.
Grow up, get married, have kids, go out together.
Don't you remember?
I miss how close we used to be.
You're the only person who understood me, like no one else can.
You'd offer advice that always seemed to work, now who's going to do that.
Who's going to make me laugh like you did?
I miss how close we used to be.
Thousands of memories Stored up in my brain of all that we've been through together.
I will never forget the things you've done for me,
I'll always be here for you.
I miss how close we used to be.

— The End —