you were fire
and i was doused in gasoline.
you touched me
and suddenly,
i went up in flames.
you touched me,
and i ceased to exist.

Is the way that you think of me
Different from (how) others do?
(Do) they see me as a quiet, unlovable girl, 
Or more importantly do (you)? 
How could anyone (love) me?
I'm (a) simple (girl),
There's not much to (like), 
Nothing too special,
I'm just (me),
(for I) prefer to be quiet,
I'd rather sit in silence,
Than give every detail of who I (am),
I'm (not) a summer day,
Nor am I (a rose),
I suppose I'm more like the winter,
Not too harsh or too cold,
(But) a little chill
That leaves you longing for (a) familiar warmth,
Or maybe I'm like the first (leaf) of fall,
I fall alone,
And perhaps it's meant to be that way

A fair October morning
A kiss on the mouth
     Bliss
A January night
A three word whisper
     Promises  
A sunny April weekend
A hotel couch
     Lust
A dark October night
A few more fights
     Change
A chilly December day
A new spark
     Secrets
A cloudy January afternoon
A silent drive
     Goodbye

I found myself sitting among
Fragments of broken promises
Looming around me like
Shards of glass-

I picked them up as best I could:
A slice to the wrist, and a second,
And a few more.
But I never got them all.

I thought leaving you
Was the last of my messes,
But it seems to have
Broken down my walls
And shattered all my mirrors.

It has been months, I know I'm over you-
But at night,
I can still feel your hand in mine,
And I can still feel my heart,
Beating in time with yours.

No one ever told me
That leaving wouldn't break the one I left ,
But me too.

And they didn't ever tell me,
That leaving can occur in seconds,
But last for years.

I've learned that no one told me these secrets,
Because they're secrets no one wants to have-

It's something you have to learn for yourself,
And silence underneath years of experience,
You have to bury it-
Forget where you marked X
And leave it a secret unfound.

  *I just wish I could find my shovel

You passed by me last night,
When you walked through the door
I felt your hand touch my back-
For a second my breath hitched,
But I didn't feel like crying.
I didn't cry;
I didn't flinch.
It took me fifteen months
But I think it's safe to say:
My demons no longer look like you.

Today at church
we played a name game
and somewhere down the line
I was sitting next to you
For the first time in ten months
wondering if my name
still tastes like honey to you
Or if you even remember
What it felt like
When it rolled off your tongue
Because I still taste yours
Vibrating on my lips
And I still feel
your vanilla kisses
across my chest

You said I was the first
And only girl you ever loved.
To show me,
You gave me
a little black ball of fuzz,
A tiny life,
with eyes as green as yours,
And with that cat,
You sparked my newest love.
When I doubted,
You didn't bother to ask why,
You just ran.
I came back,
Hoping you were there.
Ironically enough,
You had left me for a girl
Who already loved cats...

But she will never love you.

dating a writer
is like guessing the weather.
you think you know what you'll get,
but you never do.

you never know
because

she'll create a hero
from your weaknesses

and she'll write a great character,
from every last flaw.

she'll create a thousand plots  
from your worst nightmares.

she'll take every last thing you hate
and create something you'll love.

she'll turn your anger
into confessions of adoration,

and she'll make you,
everything you're not.

but worst of all,
she'll leave you wondering-
is it you she's in love with,
or things she's created from you?

but here's the beauty of it:

if you date a writer,
you'll never die.

I turned you into my favorite rhymes-
Developed your smile into first lines,
Channeled your eyes in my deepest fears.

I made you stay-
Burned your name into stanzas,
Carved your body onto paper.

I loved everything about you-
Idolized your tragic flaws,
Transformed your harsh words into art.

I turned you into poetry,
But I never made you love me.

dating a poet is fun,
and you'll learn things about yourself,
that you never knew.
but when you leave her,
you'll be the one who's broken.

you see,
she'll break you down
into bits and pieces-

she'll carve rhymes
into your rib cage
and
she'll make your kisses
into pentameters.

your voice becomes her rhythm,
and each color in your eye
forms a stanza.

you become pieced together
and poorly stitched,
because she's taken out
the very best parts of you
and the very worst.

she's taken you,
and cut out her favorite parts,
and she'll promise to put you back together,
but the funny thing is,
she never learned to sew.

When you and I were we,
You introduced me:
Never as your girlfriend,
Never as your love,
But only by name
And when people ask who she is,
You say
"This one is special"
But she was not the one
Who had you laughing at the wind,
While you got on a knee,
And put a lifesaver ring
on her left hand.
*So who the hell was I?

I could not find myself an ocean
That mimicked your eyes
So I went down to the river bed.
I looked at the grass and I realized
Your eyes were never blue.

I was once wild,
But in your arms,
You'd managed to tame me.
And once you'd finished,
You threw me back into the jungle.
Here, it is eat or be eaten-
The sun is bright,
And I fear that I am not the lion.

When I realized
I was in love with you,
It was no movie scene.
No red roses,
No heart chocolates-
It was simple.
Like going out in May,
Wearing shorts and standing in a puddle
Looking at the sky thinking,
"I guess I should have
Checked the weather this morning."

The doctor closed the fist-shaped hole
Of your absence,
With little black knots,
"Come back in six months;
We'll check up on you"
I'm sitting on the table,
But there is no doctor.
There is me and there is you.
You're whispering
Sweet nothings into my ear,
And tearing my stitches out,
One by one.
I can see the hole again-
"Code Blue"
Only it's not blue,
Your eyes are green.
And I when I wake up later,
You're back.
I try to talk, but you interrupt-
you tell me I'm pretty.
"Begin compressions"
Blood is everywhere.
Months pass.
You are lying in bed next to me;
You kiss me on the mouth.
"Charge to 300"
You are gone.
Please don't come back.