love her,
leave her.
there is nothing more to it.

he kisses my shouldeR-
And woW, that's a really nice bElt
his hands are on my hips-
but What do you fear most?
he opens His bedroom door-
is this the Answer To my question
or the bEginning of *yours?

you put your hAnds on my chesT,
you kiSsEd my nEck-
but quick, LOok at your Wrist-
Are thOse my VeIns
wrappeD arouNd You,
or juSt the sTraps to my top?

you told me to stop Writing abOut you
because all you ReaD was bitterneSs,
but who are you to Decide
what stOries are Not mine To teLl?
As if every Single syllable
uTtered from you lips isn't mine now.
did you think thAt i would forget?
or maybe you thought the wind
would pick up your wordS
and shuffle thEm awAy
like fall leaveS-
here tOday, but goNe tomorrow.

you were my whole world,
but you left without reason.
something within me has gone
it has never returned.

loving you should've been
whispers of admiration,
longing,
happiness-
puppy love
in every sense.
but loving you was
slashes to the wrist,
the hip,
the thigh-
self destruction
in its purest form.

(1) October
leather converse and a grey hoodie,
lipslipslips
behind the pool,
but it could have been the Eiffel Tower,
all I saw was you.

(3) December
silver bells and open flames,
familyfamilyfamily
always made me feel safe,
but nothing could protect me
from the icy gaze of your mother.

(4) January
icy nights and harry potter,
lovelovelove
like the howling wind at midnight,
whispered in my ear,
but did i hear you right?

(5) February
reds and pinks
kisskisskiss
grazing along my skin,
as if you had the Midas' touch,
so why were the roses you gave me already dead?

(7) April
freckled skin and fruity lotion
legslegslegs
spread apart like your favorite book,
wishing for the soft gaze of adoration,
but knowing it was only lust.

(9) July
warm sand and chlorine kissed skin,
handshandshands
you promised to keep me up,
but when the waves came,
I choked on water, while you laughed in the sun.

(11) September
school bells and new cars,
leatherleatherleather
warm under the sun,
sticking to my legs,
just like your lips on my neck.


(13) November
tan blankets and thanksgiving break,
friendsfriendsfriends
seventeen candles stuck around the cake,
ready for the wish
I thought had come true.

(14) December
windy nights and rainy mornings
fightfightfight
we couldn't see eye to eye,
and the lines between blame and fault,
blurred and turned grey.

(15) January
cloudy days and lonely nights,
alonealonealone
I said goodbye,
and sometimes I still wonder why-
but your mother never liked me anyway.