I am standing alone,
In a too-crowded room,
Between a fellow ex,
And your newest fad,
Finally I realize,
I am just another name on a list-
You never loved me,
I was just another conquest-
Nothing more than an insignificant battle
In the war of your life.
* But the battlefield has since become my burial ground.

I firmly believe that the issue with us
was not an uncanny ability to dissemble,
but rather intense desire.

You craved submission and control,
you wanted compliance
and you sought out a weakness I didn't know I had.

I craved acceptance and confidence,
I wanted acquaintance.

In your pillage of my soul
you took a piece of me
that's need I knew not.

You took the very piece holding me together
and tried to shove it into yourself,
hoping, wishing, praying
it would make you who you wanted to be.

And in the flurry of your thievery,
you ripped me apart
and left me without the innocence
I'd never know.

You left in the midst of winter
I was okay
But then I felt the wind
Blowing through my chest

I tried to find a boy to fill it,
To keep me warm.
The one with the tan skin,
And the one with the icy eyes,
But it never worked.

You didn't leave a perfect hole,
Not a circle,
Not a square,
But ragged and crooked.
You were gone in a blink,
And I haven't seen you since

**I'm beginning to like the cold

It took me months to open you up,
And find all of your secrets,
And in those months,
You slowly changed  
We are to
We *were

A year has passed,
And here we are:
Lover to lover,
Ex to ex,
Face to face.

My hair is short now-
I cut off fourteen inches.
And my skin is paler.

You've gotten taller,
I always felt like a child around you.
Your eyes are greener.

You're looking at me-
Studying me.
You tell me I look different-
You tell me I look prettier.

I smile and mumble thank you.
You smile too,
But your eyes are dark,
And your hands are trembling-

I am prettier now.
I talk more. I'm different.
I'm what you wanted.

And now you panic.
You're scared and you're angry.
You lost me.
You lost me and you wish now,
That you could come back.
You wish that you'd never said those words-
"This is where I leave you"

For a while,
I wished too.
But now, you can watch.
You can watch me
Grow and talk and get prettier
You can watch me walk away
Away from you now,
And away from everything we had.
I don't wish anymore.

Now I walk away.
Now, this is where I leave *you.

I found my way to the river last week.
The current is keeping me afloat
The sun tanned my skin
The dirt ran through my hair
And the rocks almost never hit me
So I swam and swam and swam.

I came home and told you about how great it was.
I am back again today.
The current is against me  
The sun is burning it's words onto my skin
The dirt is tangled up in my throat
And the rocks hit my rib cage like bullets.
You're not here anymore.
But I'm swimming.
I will swim and swim and swim.

1*
i used to talk aBout you liKe
you ContrOlled the oCean's tides
but now you're gonE.
you're gone And i'M drowning.
2
It took You six weeks to kiss me
because yOu Said you were waiTing
untIL the time feLt right...
how Long did yoU wait
until it was the right time
tO leaVe mE?
3
I used to know You
lIke freckles on My Skin,
but yOu left
now even yoUr name
iS foreign to me.
4
It took me one yEar
a foot of haiR
and hanDfuls of ignoreD texts
but now i'Ve learned:
You'rE not coming back.
yoU dOn't love me.
5
they say
the effecTs of AlCohol
beGin dImiNshing an hoUr
aftEr every drink.
iT's been nine mOnths
and i still feeL You
bUrninG dOwn my throat.
6
are an empty hoUse
and unheard soUnds
reason enough to Call you
or can i only hear Your voice
when it's telling me tO
go **** myself?