a brown cardboard home
underneath a busy bridge
I hear the passing by of tied men and pumped feet
popping against the rough cement
the whirl of the wind curling in the arch of an underway
cuts the air through my ragged clothes
not a car zooms by these lonely days and nights
I am safe but I am not happy nor sad
I do not feel shame and I am not proud
the smell of the gutter spill from the city above
I take a liking in its never changing smell
only the river waves sing me to sleep
I veer out into the foggy streets
Not an eye sets its stare upon me
Only those curious enough to drop a bill or two into my water cup
that I hold out to the sky when it starts to rain
the river's poison I've seen a man die in it
the river runs wild I lost my tattered shoes to it
been starving for weeks
hoping that the trash man drives by soon
he'll drop some litter and I'll be rummaging
my stomach will hurt for days but I am satisfied
my body keeps running
and here in this brown cardboard home
I never gave to the ideas of
doubts,
regrets,
greed,
happiness,
love,
ambition or dreams.
I slept and I awake
I don't feel and I'm undead.
I'm torn but I piece myself together
I never understood why but why I feared that this might end
and someone might take me
and put me somewhere new
some place where I'm shaven and cleaned to the teeth
fingernails and toes
given new itchy clothes
and a shiny pair of shoes
I'll be looked to improvement,
pressure to make progress
progress to make good change
stress to bottle my mind full of senseless thoughts
to **** for peace
to work for paper
to follow rules the lawmakers do not follow
to dream but never achieve
I think I will go back to my little cheap motel,
the brown cardboard love,
the home made from less than a single tree
and I will be merry
to know I don't need those toils
I'll spend my day worse than dirt,
soiling my life free of turmoils.

a mother caught a cheating husband.
a few minutes walk from their home in a high glass building.
from below she knew which apartment it would be
a green light shined from a Victorian lamp
which she had gifted the thieving *****.
as she ascended, the start of that beating drum
thumped loudly with every step
through the empty corridors
she held her ear at every red frame
for his voice of treason
and on the seventy fifth floor
at the eight hundred eighty eighth door  
she listened on
heard voices unthinkingly in love
her heart could not bare what her ears had heard
her joints and elbows contorted inward
towards her chest where she beat it madly with her fists
she slumped all the way home
plotting a demise for he and she
allowing malevolence to poison her good hearted soul
she thought of a way to get rid of them both
climbing an endless staircase dark and poorly lit
cries and tears of a joyless woman unrequited
passed her children without a momentary glance
not a wave goodbye
no more kisses goodnight
from the rooftop
passed the eight hundred eighty eighth door
she found her cure
she leapt as she stared out into the sky
and not a tear no more she will cry

Waited for the right moment to let this go.
Didn't know I was going to end up turning on the wrong road.
Running away from all the things left unsaid.
Broke the pen caught up in the ink that bled.
I'm chasing a star in the sky that may no longer be there.
There's a connection, a thread that's drawing me in.
I am a fish bound by natural attraction
and hooked by a mindless decision.
This is the way I am
Do you prosecute me so?
I remain seamless and you've got me for sure.
Trickery is to be at hand and that hand you hold so high.
Hold me high to let me fall.
The ground broke the crash landing.
How heavy that burden were to be if dropped on your shoulders.
It would be justice for me to see you crumble, to see you small.
But I am not going to let these regrets drown me.
I am putting this past behind me so that I can untie myself from the ground
And float on, baby I need to float on.
I may think of you from time to time.
But I'm on fire and I have no one to put me out.
So I'm waiting on time to burn me down.
To ashes and from the ashes I will arise with change.
When I'm done you're to be sure to remember my name.
I have to let this all go.
And this is the best time for the show.
So when my mind turns fragile be the last touch to spiderweb the cracks until it finally shatters.
At peace I will be.
At last finally at last at peace I will be