I'm too young to be done with battles I haven't won
There's smoke in my lungs, spilling out as I run
You wrote the letter, sealed the envelope
You propped the chair, placed my neck against the rope
But I'll tell you now, like I should have told you then,
I will never let you make me feel this way again
You think you're right, you say I'm wrong
And I bet you placed it all down in a song
I believed you, and I hated myself
You took our picture off of your shelf
And you gave it to me... why would you do that?
You stiffly patted me on the small of my back
Our friends said I'm too lovely to be treated like ****
Everyone says that I don't deserve it
But you made me feel like I truly do
Before you could abandon me, I abandoned you
But that doesn't make what you're doing okay
Pretending I don't exist, day after day
The saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right
I can't call you, so I just write and write
Hoping that soon we will clean up this mess
And end the days of frustration and loneliness
But I am doing better, at least I think so
I'm learning that sometimes love goes wrong and you have to let go
And I see now that the universe will work with you
If you have passion, ambitions, and the right attitude
I'll be ****** if I lie down and die without you here
Your love is no longer worth a single tear

I will admit that I was a little distracted
Driving to school at seven
My mind was flooded by thoughts of you
And how you had acted
For me, life is not post-highschool heaven
I was thinking how Saturday was your show, and you had told me I should go
Right before you said you didn't want to see me
Honestly, what am I supposed to believe?
I wish it was easy to leave
This is all what I was thinking while I pulled up to the stop sign
I glanced down at my hand
A mirage of our fingers intertwined
Less than a block away from the college we both attend, thinking of all the battles I'm never going to win
On my right was a car, half a block away
I pulled ahead, thinking I had time to cross
Two headlights in the passenger window, bright as day
The car plowed into mine and I was at a loss
In slow motion, my favorite band played on through the sound of crushing metal
It took a little while for the dust to settle
I thought I was taking my last breaths, and I screamed, "Oh my God!"
Hoping he'd save me, though I thought, probably not
If that car hit the driver's side, I'd be dead
So many things would have been left unsaid
I'm not the sort of person who can deal with unsaid things
I'd probably have haunted you, the mysterious reason the doorbell rings
Stunned, I stumbled out and onto the curb, waiting for the police to come
"Count your lucky stars," they say in times like these.
Well, I have a ticket and no lucky stars to count on
My head hurt badly, and I needed somebody
You said you'd always be there - I gave you a call
That's when I discovered you'd never really been there at all
You were probably with your "great" friends who "get" you
Probably not at all sober
You left me alone, scared, stranded, and injured
On a chilly, fateful night in October
You didn't even call back to see if I was okay
What kind of person does that? I hope karma makes you pay
You have no idea the damage you've done
This battle is over, and nobody won

I squeezed ice in my hand until it burned
A pulsing redness filled my palm
And I thought of how I'd never felt this way before
Maybe if I went to church, I could learn to blindly believe
But I'm always lonely, always feeling grief
I can't let it overwhelm me when nothing goes the way I want it to
Because if I let it overwhelm me, nothing will ever go the way I want it to
My eyes are sinking in, leaving dark circles underneath
My lungs are on overflow, words don't make it to my teeth
The more I think, the less I know
Now he's singing on the phone; he might be the death of me
My eyes are filling up, he says the candle burns at both ends
I'm not sure how low I will sink
A scary free fall - yet I still make myself press my ear to the phone
You say you're offbeat, but I take the cake
Another boy I don't love holds my hand and kisses me
Dread is a constant, but I do it, I have to get away from him
I've lost sight of joy and motivation
I need help
And he sings a song about me, and he wrote it, and he says he loves me
But I don't know how to feel about anything ever
The more the truth comes out, the more it feels like a lie
The more I try to get through myself
The more sure I am that I will die

I want to make a masterpiece.
My life has to be a masterpiece.
Some people in my life tell me that I am the masterpiece so it isn't necessary for me to make one.
I think I am lucky to know human beings so generous with such compliments that are so hard for me to believe.
I don't see me the way they see me, and I think they are delightfully delusional, and I am still focused on one day creating some sort of masterpiece whether it be writing, painting, or something else entirely so that I have an actual tangible object to show people when they ask who I am or what I do instead of just hoping they see that I am a questionably  good person trying to do definitely (mostly) good things and I am actually totally lost, kicking and screaming in a crowded sea full of others who do the same - they're just a little quieter than I could ever hope to be.
I am flailing with a smile on my face desperately trying to save people who might not want to be saved and the exhaustion set in long ago but I have no choice but to try and gather enough energy to create my good enough masterpiece.

The kind of tired sleep can't fix is the kind of tired I know a lot about
Life is easier with breaks, but I can do without
The less I sleep, the more I think
Thoughts rattling through twisted kinks
They say hope floats - for me, it sinks
I say struggling is trying
You say trying is struggling
You urge me to stop
If I said I was okay, I would be lying
I remember writing a poem about how I loved baths
Because they're comforting, and you aren't
Now we are on separate paths
Maybe that was heaven sent
Though I'm not sure where my heart went
I did not eat, I hardly slept
for many, many days
Miserable, I wept and wept
and drenched my pillow case
I was so pained, but now I see
Without you, I am more me
Now I guard my soul cautiously
I cannot afford to be carefree
If I give my heart away again
And it feels any worse than this
A full breath would be too hard to win
And maybe I would cut my wrists
Because I mean, I've thought about it
I'm certainly not a sadist
But depression is a black pit
And love will lead you by the hand to it
I'd stare at the ceiling bleeding out
And probably think of you
And with my last breath, I'd curse myself
For knowing our love, though intense,
wasn't completely true.