Upon me imposed
Rules that I uphold

For what it is to be me...

I surrendered to you
For a path less true

Blaming, as I have failed to see...

Yet now I realize
Blind were My eyes

The world of limitations we shared...

Cast down from skys
I refused to rise

To my abilities, my passion, my cares...

Fear of unknown
Of being alone

I reduced myself to being your crutch...

Forgiveness I plea
I could not live free

As I learned to need you too much...


I understand
t'was not Your hand

That molded me into this form...

Won't allow you to hault
Nor toss upon fault

You who walks with me through this storm..

Nolan...a gift for stories..  He still sings of her glories.. From the folds, a soul cast out...of a family for his doubt.

Gwen...a mom for us, who lost her own....she was 14, not nearly grown...she hurts for work she was forced to do...ignoring her own needs, she'll focus on you...

Brenden...is there a more caring man?  He watched over us as a mother hen...He could not keep us each from harm...no matter his love or old-soul charm...

Kelly...a shy girl; she was me, refected in all of my poetry...she watched the grief seize her world...cut off from herself, she spun and twirled...

Shannon...my heart my little sis...she bubbles with smiles I sorely miss...she gives away love and is so very cute...she is the reason I am no longer mute...

Jonny...he was so small...around his heart was built a wall...he speaks as one who is lifetimes old...inspiration moves through him body and soul...

Bob...he was just a babe...was not held long by arms that save...but still clear on how good it would feel...to be himself; to be free and "real"...

We are her seven, her work of art...each our own story, the music of Judith Anne's heart.

The sound of grief?
A piercing scream..

From deep inside..
A broken dream.

Try to wake..
Run and hide.

But no...no.
Not this time.

A wave of pain..
followed by dread.

Up for air..
No, I'm not dead.

Bargain..plead..
Please don't leave!

Answer why!!?
I don't believe..

Don't go!  Don't go!
I'll lose control..

You promised me!
you'd never be stole..

No choice for me..
No answers to hold..

Powerless, and small..
Surrender; I then unfold.

I can never loose, what I never have.
Or have what I'm not willing to loose.
But watch now as I weave around,
The world's imposed rules.

There may appear to be no way,
out of yet another catch 22.
But such the optimist that I am,
Perhaps the universe I can fool.

I imagine in my minds eye,
a day not so far ahead..
Where serenity reins, sense abides,
Lost hope renewed from dead.

The how and when, I've no control.
But that given time it will be true.
There's a way to where we each belong..
A way back home, for me and for you.

To change the past.
That is the plea.
Of the many,
Who have failed like me.

Torment be gone,
From hurting hearts.
Anguish errased.
Unpuzzled the parts.

So much more simple,
life could be.
If it all could unscramble
And set us each free.

From our choices,
Now sealed in the past.
Forever imprinting,
Our days to the last.

So here you are Grief...
I've evaded you so long.

I always knew you'd come for me.
Perhaps you waited til I was strong.

For years I've danced around you.
Purposely putting on my facade.

Hoping I could appease you,
With a few tears now and again.

But you won't go, will you?!
Without taking what you're due..

Only brutal honesty,
will ever free me from you.

So here's what I've done to cheat you,
Out of what was yours.

I've swallowed up my anger,
Lived my shame behind closed doors.

I settled for feined indifference,
Hostile, and surly glares.

I never told them of their blindness.
Or insisted my story I must share.

I've mastered laughing at the unfunny,
Made the best jokes at my expense.

Cuz lord knows if your not laughing,
Your alone without any friends.

I'm super good at pleasing..
And will not protect myself.

I'll work to make others need me.
Be overly concerned at their offense.

I'll loose track of my own boundaries.
Cuz did I tell you how I flirt?

Helps me seal the pain inside.
Helps me cover up the hurt.

So Grief lets have at it!!
I promise I won't hide.

We both know its time.
To unlock that girl I left behind.

I smiled today; I did not look away..
From seeing Me straight in the
eyes..
Come out my dear, you've nothing to fear..
I'll listen, making space for your
cries..

Of frustration, loneliness, life losses..
That have piled up deep inside..
Know I've seen You, through you..
From me, you have nothing to
hide..


You may believe your conduct shocking..
Terrible, unspeakable even to me..
A mask to hide life lived in silent dispair..
Be assured, there's nothing I haven't seen..

And yes, I know those who love chocolate..
More than they believe they
should..
But asking your soul what's really wanted..
Will help you discover what's
good..

And not from an outside moral code..
But what strikes your soul's chord from within..
Still waters run so quiet, so deep..
Remember your searching that "well" from within...