(you know when you look around yourself,
and you come to the realization that you have
absolutely no ******* idea how you got there?)

you were standing next to me in the kitchen,
waiting for a response,
waiting for anything really, from me
I couldn't speak.
I know what you want from me,
and yet I can't seem to tell you the truth:
it can't be me.

I'm messy, and I'm hard to love.
I have no other explanation.
I really wish I did,
I really wish when I went to kiss you
that I could have made it all better,
kissed it all away.
Awoke in the morning like nothing had transpired.
When I say it's too late, it's not,
I just...I can't.

When I told her I had a lot of secrets I don't think she understood what I meant. If I could pull my mind inside out, sit down beside her and ring out the inconsistencies and the ways in which I process these things...maybe. Maybe she would have stayed a little while longer or maybe she would have been scared as hell that she allowed herself to get so close to me in the first place. I was too afraid to ask her what she thought, so I opted to say nothing.

I wish I could talk about love.
About a lot of things, actually
I mean, what do I even know?
When it comes down to it,
I could be a lot of things
For a lot of people.
I just don't know how.

I'm terrified to tell you the truth.
You and you and...you.
I spent my whole life looking for this,
For acceptance, to blend in
Against the wall, out of view.
How will I handle the judgement
I know each day I'll receive?
I'm finally ready to love who
I desire to love,
Just because I prefer soft skin
Against rough,
Small hands against large,
Whose to say then?

She walked in,
All confidence and no fear
it's like we were magnetically
charged towards one another,
Even when I pulled away,
I was still shaking,
Sparks shooting from my
fingertips
Sometimes when you realize
the things you have been missing
you see how big the void REALLY is.
There is no in between anymore,
For me
I'm gonna love without reservation,
and I have no problem telling
the world now
.

I watched her bony shoulders a little too carefully,
(When you have a mind like mine,
On fire and exploding), all of the time,
You can understand...
That when she confided in me with her
deepest darkest secrets,
I had no problem molding myself
to fit who she was

And to be what anyone ever
needed me to be was all I was
ever good for

Running over your words,
I came to the realization that they
in all their glory,
really meant
nothing