I internally fight it,
Like a toddler that doesn't think they need a nap
But they're so tired
I know it's coming
I can't even see through the fog anymore
Fighting against my eyelids,
Did I take my pills?
Not that this question ever seems to make enough difference
But, yes
Then begins the mob beating version of sleep
The anxiousness starting in my feet
Maybe if I rotate them and stretch it'll help,
It doesn't
Tingles and tightness running up and down my legs
I search out the coolest parts of the bed
Hips and spine stiffen
Am I in quicksand?
Drowning?
Why is it so hard to move?
My shoulders hunch in and up to my ears
Trying to hide from the unseen beating
Someone must have hit my jaw in the night
I wake up feeling
Bruised
Tight
Pain
Everywhere
Turning over
Everything pops and cracks
My bones feel hollow, heavy, tight
Where did all the cartilage go?
I try to stand up
Did they drive nails into my heels last night?  
Almost fall down
It hurts to close my hand on the door for support
Was I fighting back?
My legs don't want to work
I forcefully drag one foot, then the other
I must've gained 100 pounds over night
Everything is so heavy
Slowly, painfully,
Trying to break my leaden feet and legs free
Use your abs
My spine pops
Take a deep breath
More cracks
Breathing hurts
Maybe crawling would have been easier
I'm positive bruises cover every inch of my body
The miles long journey from my bed to the bathroom ends
I hobble my way to the mirror to examine the damage
Nothing
No marks
No bruises
No nail in my heel
No concrete
No water
No quicksand
I look perfectly fine
I want to crumble

The humid summer nights taunt me the most
Reminding me of the warm sweat of your skin after hours of burying myself in you
Your scent dances on the hot wind
Honeysuckle and spice
I reach for another whiskey
Smooth vanillas and butterscotch drift over my tongue
Your kiss
What a fool I am thinking I could be stronger than your spell
Your magic is what drew me in in the first place
That darkness and moonlight
Silver, fiery licks through my soul
Eating my secrets as though it were your only sustenance
I down another drink
Bottom shelf tequila
Sharp, sweet, vicious...your bite
What kind of alcohol will take these memories
How much before I can pass out in blackness
*****, top shelf
Smooth, warm, empty...
I'm torn between spitting it out and drinking the whole **** bottle
Whole bottle it is
Finally at the point of blank
Only to fall into the black abyss to find you standing there
Waiting for me
Your skin glistening like the sweat after hours of *** on a hot summer night
Honeysuckle and spice invading my nostrils
Your smile might has well be the welcome death of me
It sends those silvery fire licks coursing all through my insides
I have only one more secret
That I know how much of a fool I am to have let you go
I *****, begging that the memory of you comes out with it.
It's still a humid summer night
And the honeysuckle scent is strong on the breeze
Some woman's giggle, not you, but it might as well be
Travels through my window
Another night
Another taunt
I need a ******* drink

I rang, but there was no answer
So I walked outside and called, but quiet it stayed
I climbed the mountains high upon the earth
Echoing your name through the valleys
hearing it desperately repeat back to me
I flew to the skies and sailed on the clouds
Crashing them together
A thunderous cry for you
But still, you did not reply
I reached to the stars
Beseeched them to spell your name in the heavens
But their luster had been claimed
They do not sparkle for the forlorn
I begged the moon to light my way
I did not understand when her glow led through a veil
"This is the way to all lost lovers", she replied
So your name I called
Banging my fists on the translucent sheen
Aching to cross over
But I could not get in
Gently resting my hands on the silken divide
Feeling the ripple of energies kept
I love you still, I whispered

My fingers stilled
Unable to move across the pages
My muse was gone
No more words
The flower's petals kept his tender touch
The moon kept her compass
The sun burned memory into the pigments of my skin
The wind kept his sweet breath
The galaxy a black hole
Only left
Quiet
Stillness
Silence

Return
Bring back the light of the moon
Let the sun be your embrace
The wind carry your sweetness on her breeze
Taking back your touches from the petals
Once again the galaxy would be your gaze
My fingers could move again
The pages would fill

And it would all be because of you
My Muse