Listen, I don't care what you believe in.
If you think fate exists or maybe everything is just completely random.
Regardless, one day, one specific moment in time will hit you like a train.
You'll question everything.
Your previous belief.
You'll think,'Wow, maybe it is all random..'
Or 'Wow, what are the ******* odds..
Maybe this fate stuff has some merit.'
And I think it's that moment that makes us human.
Knowing for a fact that as strong as our perspectives are, they still could be wrong.
We could be wrong, and we probably are.
I just think that maybe.. somehow.. maybe it could be both.
Chaotic and predetermined. Beautifully tragic. Painfully blissful.
And then I think maybe no one else really gives a ****,
And I probably shouldn't either.

It just takes a heartbeat.

You are brought into this world
Shaking and crying
Confused and lost
Awake and aware
Unable to speak
Barely breathing
Eyes wide with innocence
Pure as sunlight
Screaming from the pain

And your mother
Collapsed in agony
Suddenly detached
From her first born
Relieved yet bitter
Nostalgic and anxious

Her precious child
With nothing more
Than a pulse,
A heartbeat,
And wide eyes
Revealing the universe
With every blink

And you grew up so fast
Too fast, she claims
As you watch the home movies together
Over popcorn
And cigarettes
And the pixels expose
How you waddled through the weeds
Speaking in tongues
And gibberish

And you fell down
But you never cried

You look over
And your mother is passed out
On the old tattered couch
Slowly, mechanically, you rise
And sneak out the front door
Delicately and deviously
Alone and brave
Unaware that the youth
Are far from invincible

Your pal Trevor meets you
A block down
Blasting that punk rock ****
Because your mother hates it
And secretly, so do you
And in a heartbeat
You're in his front seat
Screaming about the world
And how ******
It all is

Trev smiles sadistically
Passing you a ****
Of something sweet
To take all your troubles away
And suddenly
You're flying
Down the highway
With your arm out the window
A wing spread
Your heart bursts
You grow up so fast

And suddenly
You don't hate the world at all
But it's far too late

You look over
And Trevor is passed out
In his old, beat up Chevy
Gracefully, rapidly, you rise
And ascend up to the pearly gates
Tragically and disturbingly
Alone and afraid
Suddenly aware that the youth
Are far from invincible

And your mother gets the call
Four in the morning
Distraught and confused
Suddenly the words pieced together
And she lost her baby
To this cruel, ****** up place.
She screams.
And sobs.

You were taken from this world
Shaking and crying
Confused and lost
Awake and aware
Unable to speak
Barely breathing
Eyes wide with innocence
Pure as sunlight
Screaming from the pain

It just takes a heartbeat.

It's not good enough.

I scrape apart my fragmented words.

You call yourself a writer?

I smear the fresh ink.

This isn't art.

Flames lick my notepad.

Give it up. No one cares.

I'm trying like hell not to cry this time.

Everything you do is a waste.

The smoke smells like death. I can't breathe.

Stop trying to define art.

I collapse. Oxygen cut from my cells.

What? You think this **** is ironic?**

Without creativity, why exist at all?

It's disgusting.

I'm so repulsed
By all of these teenage boys
With a half tuned acoustic
Serenading the pants
Off of girls who don't know
The difference between
A sweet gesture
And a sweet talker

It's disgusting.
The wide eyes and sunrise
The picnic baskets and bouquets
The hand written love letters
From boys with the worst of intentions
For the girls
With the purest of hearts

Stop it
Just ******* stop it already
That's not love
That's not even close
That's just what you're told
To believe in

Love?

Love is the *******
And the longing
Love is a cold night
With an even colder beer
Sitting alone in a bar
Wishing your sweet pea
Was closer somehow
But knowing that's nothing short of
******* impossible

Love is breaking into pieces
On the pavement in public
In mid-July
And not giving a **** who sees
Your tears staining the sidewalk chalk
Love is just another metaphor
For hopscotch

Love is a broken door
A broken window
The screaming and the spit
The blood and the sweat

Love is putting up with
All of the ****
Someone throws at you
Like a deranged chimpanzee

Love is wanting to **** someone
That you know
You could never live without

Love is injecting too much of your soul
Into someone who isn't worth
An ounce of your time
And pretending like
You're actually happy

Love is a ******* disaster.

But it's always
Always
Worth it.

*Isn't it?

This is sick to admit
But when your hand brushed mine
Last night
In the most innocent way possible
I swear on the headstone
Of the mother
I really never knew
That it was the most alive
I've ever felt
In my entire life

It was odd
That second felt like a lifetime
And a nanosecond
All rolled into one

And if just a touch of your hand
Could make me want
To live just that much longer

Imagine

Just imagine

What a kiss could do.

I'm just a **** up
It's been six years since I saw you last
And I have nothing to update you
With
My life is exactly
The ******* same.

I'm just a **** up
You've got kids now you say
Bright blue eyes and bouncing curls
You're happy now
You say
You've found it all
The secret to life.

I'm just a **** up
But I don't tell you that
I fake a smile and act like
I'm okay too
Like my whole ******* life
Worked out the day you
Walked out
Like I've got secrets of my own
To keep.

But all you really need to know
Is that I kept dealing
Kept slinging around this ****
Like I had something valuable
To sell
Kept crying on subways
Like my life was something
To ***** about.

All you really need to know
Is that I'm still a ****** up
**** up
And I miss you.
And I guess I should be happy
That my partner in crime
Has found someone
To tame him
Finally.

But I miss you so ******* much
So what do you say?
How about we **** this one up
For old times sake?
Get a cup of coffee, roll a jay
And spit one right back
In life's ugly little face?

Kids you say? Three?
How'd they like a step-monster
Just like me?
I'm the kind of influence
They really need
Someone has to teach them
That one day
They'll have the honor of saying

*I'm just a **** up.

I love you because sometimes
When I stare up at the sky
At night
And the stars shine down
And the moon always smiles back
I feel
Minuscule.
I feel
Insignificant.

I love you because
When I look at you
I never feel that way.

And I think that's reason enough
To hold your hand
For the rest of my life.