There I sat
Broken hearted, dripping eyes, in the streets of Chicago
There I sat
My arms entwined in your bitter memories

There I sat
With promises thinner than the wind
And whispers much more delicate
Than your mother's china

There I sat
Cuffs left unbuttoned
Sleeves half dangling
There I sat
Pebbles digging into my thighs
Leaving little red marks
That would fade in time.

There I sat
With the sun setting just as it always did
With the birds chirping recklessly
A sickening scene

There I sat
Salt stained shoulders
Your nose buried into my pulse

There I sat
Whiskey eyed,
Pretending I could resurrect our lives.

And whether you care to remember or not,
There I sat,
With your torturous silence

There I sat,
Knowing full well,
We had both died long ago.

The pieces cut up my hands
The years shattered in seconds
And there I sat
Wishing I simply had the courage
To just walk away.

I often sit back and wonder
How the world got this way
Who decided to corrupt it?
Who invented war?
Why we are programmed to hate?
To ****?

Why do we let our demons have full reign?
And why does no one stop it?

Imagine a world of peace.
Can you?
Because I can't.
Not anymore.
Not like this.

It's passed the point of no return.
And everyone is aware.
And no one is stopping it.

I just want to stop it.
Stop it cold.

Why **** when you can create?
Why hate what you can hold dear?

I love every dead citizen,
Of all the countries,
I'm too terrified to visit.

But even more,
I love the man pulling the trigger,
Who has to live with the guilt,
For the rest of his life.
Fighting a war he doesn't believe in,
For a country,
That won't ever love him back.

Now tell me,
Was your military discount,
Worth the blood of thousands?
Was it?

How do you sleep at night?
Tell me.
Because I barely get a wink,
Knowing these people exist.

How did the world get this way?
We're just all products of fear.
A school is just a factory.
There is no education anymore.
And I'm tired of living this lie.

Pull the wool back over my eyes.
I'd rather sleep
With the rest of a thousand sheep.

And turn my head to the slaughter.
Turn my head to the corrupt.

I'd rather carry on.
Not doing a **** thing to stop it.

So tell me, now.
Who is really pulling the trigger.
You or me?

*You or me?

Bad morning darling, my eyes cynically beam
Staining my rotten teeth and my swirling dreams
The best ******* part of waking up
Is this twisted sickness in my gut
Nausea freshly brewed
Minty gums partially chewed

Bleeding raw, half crimson, half cream
Another cup spilled at the ****** scene
Caution tape draped around my tongue
Shooting up caffeine like a ****** with a gun
The sweet snow crystals dangle on my buds
The rings on our table blur and smudge

An heirloom ruined, a life destroyed
Another addiction to soak up the void
Dipping memories into steaming drops
Steeping leaves and beans into knots
I drain my mug, knowing the bitter truth
Coffee will never leave me the way I left you.

I'm drowning in all the lives I could have lived
Dreaming up the people I could have been
A nagging feeling that this path is wrong
Retracing these prints, where should I have gone?

Those who dwell on the past are stuck in depression
But focusing on the future is also a deadly obsession
There is a balance hidden in the here and now
But I braid Father Time's beard and take a bow

A game well played, designed flawlessly
He laughs as I try to piece together my life messily
Nothing fits, not even the broken memories
I slowly accept I will never be who I'm meant to be

I'm envious of the tigers never having to check the seconds
The sheep never worrying about being late to lessons
Learning something deeper than I ever could
Tell me, am I living the way everyone should?

Enjoying every beat, every tear, every laugh, every sigh
Instead of getting caught up in the labyrinth of my mind
The sun sinks, exposing the darkest of nights
It's time to start over, time to embrace my life.

I know that now it's far too late
For you to take me seriously
I'm sixteen glasses deep
Of that wine you recommended
That night you thought I wasn't
Even paying attention
I did that a lot you know,
Kept quiet in the serenity of your presence
I was always afraid
My words would cause you to
Vanish
Again

Anyway,
I never had the courage to say it,
I would just get so caught up in my head
But the words flow now
So effortlessly
I want you to know
It's true what they say
Ain't no rest
For the wicked


White Zinfandel,

I still have the headache.

I lay my head down
On the pillows of our past
Your indentation hasn't yet shifted
And I can still smell your essence
A twisted mix of shampoo and cheap cigarettes

Inhale.

It's almost like you're still with me
Blackened vision
The ghost of your arm wraps around me
Tighter than you ever had


Let me go.
You let me go.

Exhale.

The months fade like carbon paper etchings
Over time, I can't tell what you used to say
But I swear your voice
Still echoes down the hall
This isn't normal
And I'm proud now
That's half the problem

Inhale.


You breathe in daisies now.
Like I don't know how she smells.
Coconut and sunshine
Run off with your summer dream
While I'm stomping through
Snow angels
Hot boxing igloos, the way we used to
And you pretend to forget
Those nights we died between the stars

Exhale.

Pulse racing.


Suddenly I expose myself
Rip down the walls
Allow the hurt to spew into my vulnerability
Only a fool would miss you
This much

Well, color me brainless
As I breathe you in once more


Darling, I've been abandoned
For the thousandth time
And you'd think by now
I'd keep away

But that's the thing about
Fools in love,


We never learn.
We always think the ones we adore
Are worth the hurt.

They're not,
They're not.

But still,
I'll be waiting at your back door.
Knocking twice with a kick.
Our signal from 1997.

The street lights will gleam in our eyes.
As we try for the last time.

Exhale.


Just stay.