My mind was once entangled
In a twisted romance
Stuck in the complex webs of
L o v e

It was almost as though a
Lightening bolt had struck
My ever changing
S o u l

My eyes shifted upwards
When he walked through me
Using dialogue that could
K i l l

"I know that we've never met
But I have to tell you
Your fantastic eyes practically
B e a m"

Flattered and confused
My brain and heart lost connection
Unable to tell how hard I would
F a l l

I sank immediately into his skin
Becoming obsessed with his being
And I didn't even know his
N a m e

And suddenly it occurred to me
That falling in love with a stranger
Was nothing more than loving an
I d e a

So I let the only man
That ever captured my full attention
Turn around and walk
A w a y

Her heels clicked and clacked
Along the side walk
And her heart turned to black
As her **** talked

Fifty if you want a spin
He sneered and hustled
Even more if you want in
And her feathers ruffled

The ****** bag quickly dealt
With the customer
It never mattered how she felt
No one trusted her

Her eyes darted to the left
As she planned her escape
What some thought of as theft
She could call ****

She teased the man in room
Left him distracted
Told him she'd be in soon
After she practiced

Awakened and sober
She grabbed the knife
Quietly killed her lover
And gained a life

Now, suddenly free and alone
She never thought
Her body could be her own
And no longer bought

With nothing left to give
She no longer cried
The woman would live
While the ****** died

Your pupils were
Pinpricks
Last Wednesday
And I swear your words
Were slurred
Just a bit

Your mouth was in a
Constant frown
And you warned me
To stay
Away

But I didn't want to

Instead
I asked you what it
Was like
To breathe fire
And swallow glass

I was oh so curious
About the
Syringe
Cemented into your
Left arm

I needed to know
Why you felt the
Need
To inject yourself
With such
Addictive poison

You claimed that it was
All about the
Rush
And the way it made you feel
Alive

But I stood there
Confused
Because I couldn't possibly
Comprehend
How the drug that's killing you
Is somehow
Helping you live

I paused
And chose my words
Carefully

"You know,
Any addiction at all
Is just a
Hopeless reach for
Happiness.."

You laughed in my face
And promised me
That you were not
Addicted
To the drug
Or the high

But simply addicted
To the feeling
Of being alive

And again I was baffled
Because
I feel alive
Every time I fly towards the sky
On a swing set

And I feel alive
When I'm holding a child's hand
As she spins around

And I feel alive
When the Autumn breeze whips
My porcelain face

And I feel alive
When I etch my shattered heart
Onto paper

And I feel alive
When I hear a song I love
On the radio

And I feel alive
When I'm forced
To watch you die

Oh my lovely dear,
What a day.
Another complicated year,
In the play,
More commonly known,
As my life.
Where I've grown,
As a wife,
Married to the earth and sky.
And the moon,
Has always watched me sigh,
A delicate tune.


Oh my angel, it seems,
The world is not,
A place for you to dream.
Only to rot,
To wash up and fade away,
To pull apart.
To break in every way,
And lose heart.
Well I put up a fight,
Raise my fists,
Throw punches all night,
And rarely miss.


Oh my darling, you know,
It's my birthday.
And every time you go,
It's the worst day.
I tried my best to pretend.
Fake a smile.
But the nonsense had to end,
After a while.
Now I have grown tired,
Of my old fears.
And the one person I desired,
Has disappeared.

"The only thing
I remember clearly
Is taking a
Shot
With you
In the kitchen.
Everything after that
Is a total and complete
Blur.."

I mumbled the morning
After
Our night together
Alone
In your basement

Truth be told
I remembered it all then
And still remember it
Now
Years later

I sat on the edge of your bed
Peering into your eyes
As you held your old acoustic
And hummed melodies
To me
In a way you never had
Before

You breezed past all of our
Favorite tunes
Sometimes even daring
To sing a few words
Along the way
"Well maybe I,
Just set aside,
The fact that you were,
Broken hearted..."

And at the time
I thought you were
Amazing
But I think it was just
The *****
Thinking for me
Again

And when I laid down
Because the spins had
Finally
Kicked in
You put your guitar
Down
And asked why I had
Shut my eyes
So early


The night was still
Young
And I was still
Drunk
And the ceiling still
Spun


I tried to stay awake
And talk to you
About whatever you were
Ranting about
You said it was important
But it was so hard to
Focus

My ears eventually
Tuned into your
Signal
And before I realized it
You were approaching me
About things that
I really didn't
Want to talk about

You went on
And on
About "us"
And what we meant to
Each other
And how we were clearly
Still
Attracted to
One another

And maybe even
Still
In love


You spoke so seriously
On our relationship
As a whole
Friends or otherwise

And all that I could do
In my state of
Mind
Was giggle

And before I knew it
Your hands were touching
Parts of me that
I wasn't exactly
Comfortable with

And I wasn't sure if
I was allowed to feel
Violated
Or not

But I started screaming
At the top of my lungs
And I
Rejected you
Over and over again
And you stopped

Thank God
You stopped


The worst part
Was the look on your face
When you realized
We would never really be
Together again

The worst part
Was the way you gazed down
When I realized
I just completely broke you
In half


The worst part
Was the way you stayed
With me
That night even though
I shouted "No!"
Twenty-seven times.

You sat at the edge of the bed
Staring at me
As I pretended to sleep
And ignore
What had just occurred
Minutes before



"When will we ever
Figure this out?"
You finally asked

My eyes snapped open
And I whispered to the
Ocean depths of your
Deep blue walls

"Maybe
Never..."

I hovered in your hallway
Glancing at those portraits
Crookedly hung upon the wall
I stopped when I saw
The one of you
Five years old maybe
Holding a baseball glove
And smiling

Smiling
Not because you were
High or drunk
Smiling
Not because you just
Shot up some dope
Smiling
Not because you had
******* some *****

Smiling
Because you were
Genuinely happy
At that exact moment
In time

Smiling because
You were still young
And innocent

Smiling because
You hadn't even
Met me yet

I glided down your hallway
And into your room
You were on the bed
Sighing again
You looked right through me
And then stared back down
At the cracks in your hands

You started to talk to yourself
The way a crazy man would
In your situation
"Sarah," you whispered to the shadows,
"I miss you girl, more than you know.
How will I ever get over you?"

And that's when
I leaned over your mourning body
And kissed your lips
So gently
For the first time

You thought it was just
A weird breeze
But in your heart
I think you knew
That it was me

Kissing you goodbye
From the grave

My thumbs twiddle under the cracks in the sky
Prussian blue and a remarkable cool gray
Littered with hints of light dancing together
I let out a sigh, unable to take in the beauty above me

My veins shatter like a Halloween pumpkin
Prematurely smashed before the holiday
Smoke twists and lingers around my left wrist
I take in a drag, half wishing the cancer would kick in

My eyes close from the chill of Fall rushing by
Seeping through my rock solid skin
Leaves rustle and wedge between my squirming toes
I blankly stare, wondering if I will ever find my true home.