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 Feb 2014 Emily
VickyEbes
Untitled
 Feb 2014 Emily
VickyEbes
You say it all the time
“I love you.”
And I hear it
I know.
But when you come home from a long day
And the world has beaten you down
And you feel like the only thing holding you together
Is the thin layer of flesh that covers your body
When you wake up and you feel that if you leave your bed
Somehow, there are puzzle pieces of you that are stuck inside your sheets
And on the nights when you cannot remember what sleep is
And your mind begins to crumble like sand in an hourglass
And your skull begins to feel empty
Hearing the words “I love you.” should fill the cracks of your aching body
Bind the pieces that seem to fall apart
Solidify the thoughts in your mind.
When you say “I love you”
I can feel it struggle to find its way to the areas of me that need care
But it cannot get past the part of me that has grown hard
I have never understood your love
And in the attempt to learn to, most of me has become callused
Years of numbing the pain to try and learn how you love
Only to become immune to it.
Please understand I am making changes, I am becoming my own person
I am leaving for now
I am leaving for the times that I felt uncomfortable eating
Because you always seems to have a comment about my size
I am leaving for the nights where all I remember is screaming
Pretending that everything was alright, even though I was scared to death
I am leaving for the times I desperately needed a shoulder to cry on
But knew that if I turned to you I would be scolded instead of comforted
I am leaving for the times where your anger would get the best of you
And you would push me in an attempt to win the arguement
I am leaving for all the times I was told to be quiet
When all I ever wanted to do was sing at the top of my lungs
I am leaving for the times when I should have been the one crying
But instead I comforted you because you couldn’t be strong
I am leaving for the times when you told me that what I was feeling wasn’t real
Because I had a good life
I am sorry that I cannot find a way to accept your love
That your words can’t seem to flow through my cracks with the same ease as others
But I am leaving
And maybe someday I will understand how you love me
And your words will make me feel warm instead of nothing at all
I am leaving
For now
But please don’t forget me
 Feb 2014 Emily
Matthew Walker
One year ago exactly, I awoke to the miserable news that my dear friend, Morgan Helman, was dead. I called her voicemail and wept my goodbyes. I punched the wall and screamed until I thought my lungs would crack. I wrote a poem to express the ravaging anguish I was experiencing, and to try and honor her life. I read it as a eulogy at her funeral. In it, I mentioned a time when she had asked me to write a happy poem. Everything I had ever written was a result of sadness or some other tortured emotion. I apologized that what I wrote for her was far from happy. I told her someday I would a write a happy poem, though I doubted my own words. One year later, I have walked away from the depressed mental state I used to call home. On the anniversary of her passing, I completed this "happy" poem. It's different than what I'm used to creating. It might not be as artistic as some of my other poetry. But it is a vivid expression of the first step in a new direction. This poem is dedicated to Morgan Helman and the legacy of love she left in her wake.

You Are

Resonating laughter
as the child plays,
hallway smiles
on bad days.

Disney movies
when I'm sick,
lightsaber battles
as a kid.

Rope swings
for make believe Peter-Panning,
backyard sprinklers
spraying the trampoline.

Hot soup
after it snows,
Refreshing popsicles
when the sun glows.

Warm cookies
melting in my mouth,
playing cards
at Grandma's house.

Blazing campfires
engulfed in inspiration,
jam sessions
with passionate musicians.

Barefoot freedom
in the grass and on the beach,
Sandy paradise
sinking beneath my feet.

Captivating books
as it gently rains,
favorite songs
when I'm disarrayed.

Intimate poetry
as my soul sings,
genuine happiness
spilling out of me.

Caring parents
whose admiration lasts,
trustworthy friends
who remove my masks.

Comforting arms
when my friend dies,
calloused hands
pulling tears from drowning eyes.

Raw love
strung on splintered wood,
My God
you are everything good.

~ m.w. ~
2/3/14
 Jan 2014 Emily
Sara L Russell
Sara L Russell, 22nd January 2014, 01:26*

Sometimes things make it harder letting go.
We made some progress on
the first day; gathered clothes and books,
some random pieces of costume jewellery,
laptop cables, pens, lighters,
shampoo and makeup.

I could see her in everything;
the rock chick aura of her CD collection,
the dalek key ring, a book on Camelot;
only she could carry off that Wonder Woman tee shirt,
only she could stand outside in Mum's garden, in that
fleecy dressing gown with hearts,
cawing back at the crows,
cigarette in hand.

The photographs hit us the hardest.
To look into those merry blue eyes
and know that they no longer look back into ours;
They only keep their smile lines for eternity,
laughing at a secret we will never know,
lost in two dimensions,
In the flat worlds of the past.
 Jan 2014 Emily
Anna Abreu
Don't be scared to get a little dirt under your fingernails.
Dare to dig through the tunnels
her scars have built around her
wipe your hands when necessary -
pause - catch your breath
but keep going

Get yourself new spectacles
ensure they're clear enough to let you see the cracks
and when you do
pick and pull at them
start at the corners
they fall off more easily
watch as rock slips after rock
some heavier than others
because memories can be hard to let go of
look for the loose ones and caress them
listen to her song
let it guide you towards her

don't listen as tick follows tock
she is not a land mine
she is a hidden gem;
be gentle

when you are exhausted - sweating and panting
when the sand has huffed and puffed on your face
and doubt begins to whisper,
look at your bare feet
they no longer hurt from the miles walked
Mother Earth has painted them with strength
she has embraced them,
you are her child and
your feet are pointing forward;
Don't you dare defy them

Don't be scared to get a little dirt under your fingernails;
Dig through a few layers of society
and you will find unadulterated beauty

After you have climbed all her mountains
and swam her rivers
you will finally see
that she is not pretty
She is not confined in five letters
She is a sonnet, a love song
an unread novel
ready to be explored; liberated
ready to be alive

She is the happiness in your face
when you reach the hilltop,
an autumn breeze on a summer day,
she is the courage that it takes
to look into her eyes
and give her your lusting fingernails;
To say:
You are the true face of beauty.
 Jan 2014 Emily
Tana Young
The Sun
 Jan 2014 Emily
Tana Young
I wish I could be the Sun
I warrant the Sun would agree, have it be done

Oh, what a pleasure it would be, to be heartless
For there to be no such thing as darkness

Oh, and how the Sun is filled with joy
It gets to play with this little human, like a toy

It hurls back in pain, what is this thing called pain?
It realizes, this human, is no little game

Memories rush into its pure mind
That has known nothing but sublime

It screams "LET ME OUT OF THIS TRAP!"
While my memories still unwrap

I show mercy
Like I do to everyone, most of them unworthy

And I'm back, I say farewell
Now, back to my memories that I call hell
 Jan 2014 Emily
Matthew Walker
heart torn in half
dream of future
reminisce on past
emotionally unsure

this isn't what Jesus meant
when he said a kingdom
divided cannot stand
but the truth still resounds

my heart skips when she smiles
or laughs or talks or breathes
but with equal strength I collapse
when the thought of the other calls

love was meant for one
two war for my mind
will the past return
or has the future won?
1/7/14
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