the feeling of being so terrified of other people's judgements of you that you can't walk in a hallway without a million voices is in your head tearing you down
the feeling of crying while you walk into the cafeteria and seeing that everyone has their place but you never will
the feeling of eating lunch by yourself and feeling like you are  the most hated person in the room
the feeling of knowing no matter how many schools you switch to, the feelings still follow
the feeling of going home to parents who know how to provide for you physically but don't understand why you feel the way you do when everything has been provided for you from the day you were
born
It's like they wrote the formula out and they know the right answer but they keep getting the wrong one
and you're that wrong one
they set the equation right and followed every step, so what could possibly be wrong?

Why am I so attracted to you
I've never thought the the cheerleaders or popular girls were attractive
I think a person with depth and flaws is beautiful
People with substance attract me
People who are passionate about life and not so caught up in this egotistical world that we all find ourselves drowning in attract me
To me, finding an emotional connection is far more valuable than a simple physical attraction
Intrigue me with your thoughts and you can have my body
There is such a discrete difference between attraction and connection
Don't be so easily fooled by what catches your eye because beyond a pretty face may lie an ugly soul
But if you want to talk attraction then explain to me how a bland mind is so attractive
Tell me about the conversations that you carry with this person
Are the meaningful? Do they mean anything at all?
I want someone who will tell me about their scars and where they come from
I want that emotional connection that is so rare to find these days

My self-conscious body has never felt more beautiful than it did in your arms
Your voice was the quench to my thirst
And when I read my poem to you, you could hear all the emotion in my throat
And your reaction was this
"Ask me to be your girlfriend again"
And let me tell you that was the perfect response
The weeks I spent without you are ones I never want to relive
You've left your mark on me
Literally, on my neck is a love bruise or a bruise from your kiss or whatever sappy phrase you prefer
Some people say they wear their hearts on their sleeves, well my heart is hid deep inside this girl named Kylie
I've never liked that name until it made me fall in love
She is why I write poems and she's the topic of every sentence I write and every conversation I have with a stranger
Baby I need a cigarette and a handful of Xanax to calm these nerves
Actually, I'd choose you over cigarettes and pills anyday because somehow you give me the same effect except the high I get from you never fades

There is one thing I'm certain of at this point
I do not know how to cope with death
I possess the most guilty heart
I do not know how to understand why god takes the good people away without reason
Why not me
I've cheated death more than I have fingers on my hands and yet the people who are taken off the earth are the innocent ones
I spend my nights contemplating on why
I make my stomach form knots like the ones that form from the families of the missing one
I don't even know the people who pass away but somehow I can't help but feel as if I was directly effected

You said some awful things a few weeks ago and we went our seperate ways
but let me just tell you that you are someone who deserves someone who will stay and fight for you
I want to fight for what we had because I am no where ready to give it up
I can't stand not waking up to you every morning or listening to our favorite records together on the floor in your room
I can't listen to the same songs because they don't sound the same without you here next to me
I just want you back because you became my world
So come over and stay the night and let me play those records and let me kiss your face and please let me hear that sweet voice say my name because no other voice can say it better and please look at me with those baby blues like I'm the only ******* Earth that could ever have you and please, please awake me in the morning with a kiss

They keep telling me that there is more fish in the sea
But you were the whole ocean for me

Why is it that you always say
"This is the Katy that I remember"
when I'm hyped up on psychiatric drugs
that are dodging every emotion I try to express
But when I'm not on any medicine and my sadness and imperfections appear,
you always say *"Who are you? This is not the Katy I know"

If I say not to touch me, then don't touch me
Don't grab my *** when I tell you to stop
Are you having a hard time grasping the meaning of no?
Let me explain to you what it means in the most simple of terms so maybe you'll understand
No doesn't mean you can still touch me because you've convinced yourself that it's okay
No doesn't mean you can touch me because you think I like it despite my words
NO means NO

I kissed you because it felt so right
I kissed you because I knew it was wrong
I kissed you because I felt a connection that we both said we lost with our current partners
I kissed you because I knew from the moment I saw you accross the room that you would mean something to me and by something I mean everything
I kissed you because she can't
I kissed you because my undeveloped brain acts too much on emotion and impulsity and not enough on logic
I kissed you because the way the moonlight reflected your face was so beautiful
I kissed you because I couldn't pay attention to what you were saying because I was too focused on your lips and not the words coming out of them
I kissed you because it was the perfect response
I kissed you because the look in your eyes was something I couldn't explain with any words
I kissed you because I can't possibly explain to you how I feel when those sweet eyes meet mine
I kissed you because when I heard that song at work with the lyrics that I no longer remember I knew you were perfect
I kissed you because you have what she doesn't
I kissed you because you deserve to be kissed, actually you deserve much more than a kiss from me
You deserve a Grammy worthy kiss from a scene in a cheesy movie
I kissed you because I hadn't felt those caterpillars in my stomach burst into beautiful butterflies in so long
I kissed you because there wasn't anything else in the world that I wanted more in that very moment
I kissed you because it felt so right

But now it feels so *wrong