So here is a tale,
Epic, but true
Of my trip to So-Cal
Written down for you

It starts out in Salem
Such a fine town indeed
And 28 hours later,
From the train I was freed

Of this long ride
Not much can be said,
But for want of a better seat partner
I wished to smack him on the head.

For never such a pompous
Man have I met-
He fancied himself
Better than the rest

And when it came time
To un-board the train
My request for help with bags
Was met with disdain

To add grief to my mood
Once I got to the station
I found that my checked bags
Had not found their destination

But don't fret dear reader,
No, do not fear,
For my story gets better
of my two day stay here.

We came back the next day
My cousin and I
To find two boxes had arrived
The third still being sly

So to the beach we did roam
And many pictures we took
If you'd like to see them,
They're on my Facebook.

While in the water that noon
The ocean clear as day,
With my eyes I did spot
A baby sting ray!

While a marvelous sight,
One I'd never seen before,
I hopped out of the water
Lest my foot receive a sore.

After our play time,
We discovered hunger
And for my first time
Went to In-N-Out Burger

My dear cousin Stefanie
From the mother of a friend
Received many apples
So I pie I did blend!

All by myself
Was the recipe made
Crusts included,
with my memory's aid.

Once out of the oven
And cooled just quite right,
The deliciousness was evident
From the very first bite.

The next morning was my last
Of my trip to California
We thought to see Hollywood
Was a marvelous idea.

But oh the traffic-
We were not prepared
So from walking around
We were completely spared.

Visit we did,
But in drive-by form
So to leave for LAX
I did not long mourn.

Early we did arrive
To where from I would leave
Thanks to the carpool lane
Into which we did weave.

Inside the airport
I traveled alone
This was the first time
I had by myself flown.

Three hours of waiting
Before I got on the plane
Thank goodness I had my Kindle
To entertain my brain.

Once the plane had been boarded
My trip seemed quite short
It wasn't long until
We got into port.

From there it was Tanner
In his Honda Accord
Who picked me up from the airport
And to Newberg I was restored.

And so of my trip
I have but one thing to say:
I like Oregon weird!
California can keep its L.A.

It's not like I'd die without you.
I'm a realistic person,
I know there are more fish in the sea.
But I don't want to find them,
Even though I've reeled out my line
And cast my net in the water,
I still secretly hope I won't catch anything.

It's not like I can't be happy without you
Ever the optimist,
I can always find something to smile for.
But it doesn't stay on my face
It eventually slides off,
And my mask slips back on
Hardening, like stone
Trying to hide my broken heart.

It's not like I loved you
What is love, anyway?
Maybe I don't even know
Maybe it's something you have to feel
And when you feel it... you just know
And if that's the case...
Then I know.

I miss you
In the simplest way
Because you're not here.

It hurts.
I don't have words
For how much it hurts.

I felt like we were soulmates
But I don't even
Believe in soulmates.

My heart aches
Every single day
Without you.

Most days
I can ignore it
And pretend to live.

But I still can't think
About us not being together
Someday.

I am awoken by the rain.

The sound of it drumming against my window
And water hitting water as it splashes into puddles.
As my senses awake, I recognize the fuzzy feeling in my mouth;
Time to brush my teeth.

I get ready for the day and head outside
Where it is still raining.
I close my eyes as I step beneath the clouds.

I feel the coolness of water droplets land on my sleepy, warm skin
I take a deep breath and let the scent of everything fill my nose.
The lilacs and tulips in the yard
Mixed with the soft smell of dirt and the grass
And the air and the rain

That cool, refreshing smell
Like starting over.

Then I open my eyes
The clouds I see
Are a bittersweet gray
The same shade of his eyes at dusk.

The grass is the deepest shade of green I've ever seen it
Being highlighted by the dark light from the sky
It all was beautiful.

I take another look
And another deep breath
And head off for the day.

Not everyone sees what I see,
But I didn’t realize that you looked different to them,
That maybe it wasn’t so obvious
Like I thought it was.

This confused me
Because I thought I’d have to fight for you
But maybe I discovered my own Narnia;
Hidden, safe from others.

The ground I’m standing on isn’t even
Because I still don’t know what to think of this (of us)
I could ask, but I’ve asked before
Somehow I don’t think it would help.

I look at the moon and the stars and the grass
I smell the night air
And I feel the Universe is at peace.
Telling me don’t hold my breath, have patience.

This in-between step intrigues me
This is all new for me;
The happenings, the feelings, the communication,
And I have a front row seat to how this unfolds.

Would anybody really understand?
We’re just two lovers,
Trapped by our lives,
Waiting for that break in time.

I freeze
When I want to talk to you.
My heart pounds
When I think of you.

I care so deeply for you
More than I thought was possible without love.
My soul… misses you,
Longs for your touch.

Friendship is all you can give
And all I can ask for, for now.
But someday, there will come a day
And then, we’ll be together.

If I had an inch I'd give you a mile
If you were a frown I'd give you a thousand smiles
I'd give you the world if you asked
But all I want you to have is my heart

I'll write you a song if that's what you want
Then tear it all up if you don't
I'll show you my mind and give you my heart
Just promise you won't rip it apart

I want to know how you are
I want to know your heart and soul
Your voice is a work of art
I wish you could be mine to hold

I never could move on from your eyes
They'd haunt me wherever I go
Quitting isn't always so bad
When giving up on the impossible

Honestly I'd be crazy not to love you
Although the effect seems the same either way
I have dreams of spending forever with you
I wonder if you'd want to stay?

I remember
exactly the way
your voice sounds
even though I didn't
realize until I heard
someone else's.
I remember
just the way
it felt when you
held my hand
with our fingers
intertwined
and how I longed
for them to stay
that way forever.
I remember
that look in your
eyes when you
were looking at me
and I felt like
the most beautiful
girl in the world
because of
that look.
I remember
the sound of
your laugh
and how even
if I didn't know
what caused
it I still wanted
to laugh right
along with you
because you sounded
so happy which
made me so
happy.
I remember
exactly the way
your arms felt
around me holding
me and just
being there
comforting and
strong and how
when I was in
your arms I
never ever wanted
to leave them
because with
you in your
arms I felt
whole and
complete and
perfect and
that is funny
because to
me you are
the one who
is perfect.
I remember
just the way
your lips felt
when they met mine
because there was
and is and will
never be anything
quite as wonderful
as that feeling
when we kissed
and everything in the
world was wonderful
and I knew just how
much you loved
me and cared about
me and just how much
I loved you.
Remembering hurts.
It is a ***** that
never fully leaves
and always comes
back to bite when
you least expect it.
Remembering hurts
but forgetting...
forgetting would be
unforgivable
because I think
if I were to forget
everything
I wouldn't be able
to live with myself
knowing that
somewhere out
there supposedly
there was someone
for me who would
be perfect for me
and not knowing
that they were so
close.

I did a bad thing
And I feel bad about it
Although it took me a long time
To realize it was bad.

I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to think about it
I don't want to hear about it
But it won't leave me alone.

I stop myself
When I see those I used to call friends
And I want to talk to them
But how can I, after what I did?

I feel guilty
And ashamed
And I don't know how to make that feeling leave
Maybe it can't.

I feel like I need validation
Not of my actions,
But that they were wrong
An agreement

I don't know why I want punishment
But I feel like I should be a dog
Submissive to the master
Who caught it doing wrong

And we did get caught
But I was never punished
Untouchable
Innocent

And yet no
I know I'm not innocent
And yet I play no part in the consequences
How does that make me feel?

Not good
Not like I escaped death
Like I got away with something
And should celebrate.

This isn't something to celebrate
It was wrong
And I should have known it then
But I was too caught up

There's nothing I can do now to fix it
Except write this meaningless poem
That I won't show to anyone
To try and make myself feel better.

You
I can't ever describe quite right
I don't know that words do you justice
Or perhaps I need an expanded vocabulary

You
The subject of my day dreams
I have quite the imagination
And we're the stars of everything

You
Are strong at heart
Would be there if I needed you
Are beautiful inside and out

You
I can trust with me
Still to find out
If I can trust you with my heart

You
Are an amazing kisser
And I just want to be with you
But I have to learn to be apart

You
Aren't perfect
Because that doesn't exist
But I think you could be perfect for me

You
Could find someone else
That scares me
Because I want to be yours

You
Make me freeze
And not know what to say
When I see you

You
Let me be me
Which I'm thankful for
Because I need that

You
I could go on and on about
And I have, but to save my sanity,
This is all for now.

Hi
Hey
Hello

One tiny little word
Completely non-threatening
Or so you thought
That's what I thought too

Except for when you say it
I can't handle myself
I see that little window
And hear that 'pop'

And I know you just want to talk
But I can't.
Can't say a **** thing.
Because thanks to you

My brain freezes my thoughts
My breathing becomes irregular
My palms start to sweat
And I start to slightly shake

And just so you know
This is not a normal reaction
Especially for me
These things don't phase me

But you do
How do you do it?
You got under my skin
You make me nervous

You're so ****
And you always know what to say
And it always sounds perfect
Coming from you

In comparison
I feel like a silly schoolgirl
Stumbling over her words
And tripping over her feet

Trying to impress you
But not knowing how to go about it
Hoping that just being myself
Clumsy, childlike, passionate me,
Works for you

You surprise me
And I can't think of what to say
I feel like I need a slap in the face
To pull myself together

I've never had a problem with words before
But I feel out of my element with you
I always have a smart reply
But with you I feel like I lost my voice

Sometimes I feel shy
I am never shy
What are you doing to me?
I don’t understand what's happening

You confuse my body, my mind, my heart
My body wants you
My mind knows I can't have you
My heart doesn't know what to do

To get involved?
Or to not get involved?
That is the question
That my heart has to answer.

But it might not be completely up to me
I fear I may be involved, whether I like it or not
But what's to fear?
Except that I might be in too deep.