When I say I'm mad at you
I do mean it
But it varies between
Being ****** as hell
But still loving you
And hating you
For making me feel things.

When I say I'm mad at you
For me that means
Being mad at you
Is easier than being crippled
with fear and pain
I can stay standing
When I'm mad at you.

When I say I'm mad at you
It's easier for me to say than
"What you did hurts me because I care about you."
Somehow I just can't
Ever get those words out
But instead
I'm burdened by taut silence.

When I say I'm mad at you
Please accept
Those words for what they mean
That I'm not mad at you
That I love you
That I'm scared
And I don't know how to tell you.

I can lay
right next to you
and never touch you

I can see you smile
from across the room
without kissing you

I can watch you
leave the room
and resist hugging you goodbye

But sometimes
when I'm next to you
you have to ask me to move away

Because for a few minutes
I let fantasy get confused with reality
and I lean against you during a movie

And it's so warm
your arm and mine, touching
for that minute I'm at peace

But when you ask
of course I make room
Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable

And if you weren't my friend
I would probably try it
just once, to know what it would be like to kiss you

But ideally,
I'll get over this
and when I am, we'll still be friends

So in the meantime
I try not to think about kissing you
and I only hug you when I have reason to

What I'm saying is
I will do what I can
to keep myself sane and our friendship intact

But just know
that with every look I give
I wish I could give so much more.

When it gets dark
And the storm is too strong
The winds won't stop blowing
And the water gets too deep

You can tread water
But only for so long
Before your legs give out
And your head sinks beneath the waves

Your only hope
Is that someone will come along
And throw out a lifesaver
To pull you from the waters

And they say:
"You can't be friends with someone
whom you love
who doesn't love you."

And it hurts
Because the waves are strong
And the lifesaver is tight around your lungs
And the rim of the boat jabs into your stomach

But you do it anyway
You get in
You save yourself
You live

I let go, Jack
And left you behind
But it's not selfish
Because you let go first.

She started to walk away
Her little show complete
Preformed in front of everyone
But only he knew the meaning-
That she was done.

She could see the door
She had no more purpose here
She headed towards it
Never to enter this place
With trepidation again

"Wait!" Her heart stops
She feels sick, she falters
How dare he
Now she's mad
She keeps walking

"Please, stop."
And she does
But only to respond
Fury evident in every syllable
"Don't even try it."

He walks towards her
Past the people
Milling in the foyer
Some watching
They've heard the rumors

"I'm not going to try anything
But I think we should talk."
She stares at him
Glares at him
He thinks he has the right?

She stands there facing him
Rigid as an iceberg
And just as cold
If this is to be their last encounter
She doesn't want the starers watching

"We can go into my office" Always assuming
"Lead the way" And he does
He doesn't know
That the woman following behind him
Is not the girl he left behind a year ago

Another venture past wandering eyes
She feels the stares
But doesn't turn to acknowledge
Her back straight, head held high
She is ready

She follows him in
And shuts the door behind her
He speaks
"I think we have a lot to talk about,
But we don't have to do it here."

His words ask permission to continue
Permission not granted.
"No. I won't be seeing you again
So we're getting this done now."
"Please-" He tries, she snaps

"No! You don't get to talk!
Every time you talk
You spin words in circles
Until you have me believing
This is a good idea!

"So now I get to talk.
You don't get to do this to me anymore!
Because you've hurt me!
I've let you hurt me
Over and over again.

"But I'm done.
We're done.
You made your choice
The moment you set foot off that plane
And decided I didn't matter.

"Because that's what you did
You didn't call, text, write, or try to find me.
I was here, waiting for you
And you left
You made your choice, this is mine."

She left him in that office
Staring at the open door
Speechless
While she walked away, head high
She didn't look back.

My dreams are torturous
No wait- my dreams are wonderful
Waking from them is torturous
Because you're in my dreams
And not in my reality.

The only sense of you that I have
That you even still exist
Is all virtual, digital
I need to see you, hear your voice
I miss you like crazy.

I feel like we could be great together
I know we have that potential
But we have to stick that potential
Under a rock
And forget about it for a year.

But remember that rock?
That we hid our potential under?
I can't stop thinking about it
Imagining what it will be like
Once we can take it out.

Love stories remind me of you
They make me think
"That could be us."
They give me hope for us
That we could actually work.

Sometimes I get scared
I'm afraid you'll meet someone else
You'll be so happy with her
You won't even remember me
Except as a summer fling.

But I try not to think about that
I just focus on how amazing
Everything about this summer has been
And hope that the universe
Will take care of the rest.

I love your smile
I love your heart
I love the way you think
I love... Everything about you
But I don't love you, yet.

When she's all alone
She thinks about him
When she doesn't have to mask her expression
Or hide the sparkle in her eyes
That can be seen when he's on her mind
She feels safe.

When he's all alone
He thinks about her
But it just hurts, so he tries not to.
He stays busy
With work and friends
To keep from feeling the loneliness.

They share an entire world,
Secret from everyone else
Where they can go when they need to remember
They don't need to discuss it,
Every time they talk
It's always there, waiting.

They've both been changed
By their, short, but sweet encounter.
A summer they'll never forget
Spent in pure bliss.
Waiting for the time
When they don't have to wait any longer.

She tried to deny her heart
But it was no use,
She gave in.
While he's out there
Still trying to forget
Pretending he's the same.

She understands him
More than she's understood anyone
She clicks with him like Legos
He seems to read her mind
But lets her speak for herself
And he unconsciously clicks right back.

He tries to be firm
To set boundaries, create distance
For the sake of their sanity.
And she tries to respect that
But she can't fight gravity
And as hard as he tries, neither can he.

This is the story of two lovers
Who will grow to be more
They go together
Like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga ****
Where life is loved
And nothing can keep them apart.