She was a demented sort of being.
One typically found in perfect composure.
Down to the fact that her hair ties always matched her polish,
her beautifully polished bloodthirsty talons.
At every opportunity she made incisions upon her victims.
Gouged their eyes out and tore at their flesh.
Left innumerable wounds upon each body she considered a canvas.
Even when she withdrew her grasp she nicked every vein.
And when she was finished, it was a masterpiece.
She lined her dolls up in an orderly fashion.
She managed to take every thing she could.
The one thing that always bothered her, however, was that she could never devoid each carcass entirely of its life.

I’ve found that my indefinable truths are hard to hide.
I can’t hold on to what I don’t fully understand,
it escapes from me unhindered by the label I've yet to stick on it.
Then how easily the world captures what I can’t even find words for,
how quickly it encircles what I perceive boundless,
for my truth must belong in this box or that box and
when it’s all wrapped up and labeled accordingly,
the world delivers my truth back to me, and tells me
I can accept and acknowledge or reject and deny this gift of a definition.
So generous, to give me options, yet
somehow I suspect that I have no choice, for
because I cannot define what I hold unswervingly and confusingly true,
the world and its definition will always appear more credible than me.

I hope that if you read this, you will understand fully the journey it took to get here.

i've heard every excuse, i've heard every justification. you have to understand, the worst part of it is the feeling that it is something about me that makes them do it.

i don't think you know how much it hurts, when you tease me about the mysterious stranger with whom you now share your bed. i know he is a stuffed animal, but until you stop teasing, until you stop toying, all i can feel is the ******* blood boil in my veins, and then the anger subside, and anguish churn my stomach.

everyone has their trouble, and i have mine. the trouble with me, is that i trust you with my life, and at the same time, i have learned from experience that i will always be betrayed. it's not me, it's her. i just wasn't there enough. i just didn't care enough.

i've always known that every excuse given was false, the truth is that i cannot provide anything but love and happiness. i cannot guarantee wealth, nor riches. and in a world where dreams die young at the hands of reality, i have no future. there is no world for me, only the corpses of my dreams, smiling cadavers, waltzing to their demise. this is a weary world for the honest and good.

i want you to read this, and at the same time i don't. but most of all i would just like you to know that i love you unconditionally. i would like you to know that i trust you. and i would like you to know that the sick feeling i get in my guts when you're not here, is not mistrust, just bad experience telling me that

things don't seem to change.

i've been through so much ****, i was broken until i met you,
but you'll always be the one i think of when i wake, my soul mate.

I'm fat

And I must spend my life with that

Don't tell me I can change

A skinny life would be strange

I know it's not easy

Being made fun of and gone after by guys that are ******

I'm fat

And it gets hard to deal with that

I've tried to change and better my life

But the food makes me sick and the junk replaces my knife

I can't help the way I am

But at least my life isn't a sham

So I struggle with security and will power


It doesn't mean I cower

I get by

Without a regretful sigh

Because even though I'm fat

Even though it's tough

I face that fact.

Separate hearts could beat two at a time
It's yours and of course mine
But mine is withered and shallow
It beats just half to your one

I AM

I am a poet
I am a writer
I am a teacher
I am healthy
I am beautiful
I am creative
I am a mother
I am a wife
I am enough
Everyday faithfully I write down who I am and who I want to be.
Is it to remind me? Or the universe?
I leave out parts of me
Clumsy
Overwhelmed
Unsure
Scared
And I don’t write
Confident
Graceful
Elegant
Charismatic
Sometimes I write
Fearless
Strong
Funny
Words I use to paint a picture of what I want my life to be
The Law of Attraction or
The Law of Self delusion?