The angels watching over me
to hold me as I sleep
the father with the Earth in hands
My soul is his to keep
My mother's mother's fairy tales
her daughters blinding trust
When tragedy and misery
convince her that she must

In wooden pews and basement rooms
with bible tightly clutched
I listened to the fairy tales, the fables forming rust
On alter I held out my hands
to catch the chunk of bread
That pastor always said to me
where flesh of the son long dead

Fifteen years of song and dance
Fifteen years of grace
Fifteen years spent listening
their stories gone to waste

But the world grows larger
the questions too
and the faith is quickly lost
replaced by science, philosophy
common sense dethrones the cross

I want so desperately to believe
for your sake more than mine
Eternal life is a dream to me
but I hate to see you cry

My mother's mother passed her faith
by my mother I have failed
She prays for me each day and night
but her worries I can't assail

Oh mother, mother can't you see
this faith is yours not mine
The word of God is not enough
but maybe, give me time.

Angels I have heard on high
in God I place my trust
It's the son, the cross, that I decline
He's your savior, not mine.

As angels lay me down to sleep
I hope one day you'll see
My mother's mother's parables
lend no comfort to me

Oh mother, mother can't you see
it kills me when you pray
for something I cannot give you
and by each passing day
your expectations grind at me
they make it hard to stay
Oh mother, mother I'm begging you
don't push me away

The father watching over us
holds me as I sleep
and comforts me each night as my anxiety will creep
into me heart, I trust in him
but thats all I can give
let it be enough for you
I'm trying, let me live.

Mornings greet me frantically
With persistent beeping,
And my hand reaches groggily
For more time to be sleeping.

My finger finds the snooze
Once, twice, thrice
As if I have all day to lose.
A few more minutes will suffice.

But this unusual morn,
My lids part to silence.
I turn over forlorn
From the emptiness of your absence.

You make my night,
Then play in my dreams.
When I wake to first light,
I expect you next to me.

I prop up my body,
Scan the pillows with my eyes,
My vision so foggy,
Believing my mind’s lie.

I rest my head back in place
And smile as I figure,
One day you’ll fill that space
When a ring is on my finger.

A hollow stippling of a soul in the breeze
    hiding in the bushes of perilous vexing
there are days when the wind howls
    whispers darkly  at the ominous night
feel the chill that passes through
           dances coolly on pressed eyelids
                   floats tepid beyond the senses
             know it's the emptiness that comes
        right before realities' disenchantment