I have always categorized my life and my memories into the seasons.
Remember that one summer when...
Remember that winter we…
I'll never forget that Spring when you…

But what about the in-between?
Those few days where you find yourself treading on the green-gold line? Those are the very best.

The surface of the water
Where the cool meets the air
A place that if left untouched
Will remain magical, still and calm
Moving in only such a way
To bring more calmness and more stillness to the chaos that is.

The tops of the trees
Swaying independently,
tell us all to admire them
To watch them,
They can teach us a lot.

The eagle
Who soars
Without fear of falling,
Reminds us of how we should be:
Cool and still like the water,
grounded like the trees he looks down upon,
And most importantly, free.

The air is thick.
Thick with divine love.

Tonight is deep,
dark,
and long.
Yet tonight is bright.
I feel merry with light.
light is everywhere around me.
It is inside of me.
Tears of joy run down my winter checks
as I feel blessed with a love.
A love that will never fray nor tarnish,
wither nor tear.
A surrounding love
is all around me,
I felt it come in,
and it is here to stay.

The Leaves of Autumn in New England do not want to leave.
like desperate fools still in love,
they pull out all the old tricks in the bag.
They dress themselves up in eye catching colors and hues;
demanding admiration from anyone who walks on by.
Up high, they sway confidently and independently,
as if to say, "nothing can bring me down."
And even when they do come down,
they come down delicately;
Begging to be picked up and admired,
for one last time.

The High Priestess
she tells me
all I need to know

She speaks to me
in my dreams
in symbols
in colors

She is high above
the restlessness within me
the blocked chakras
that need breathing

She is high above yet
not too far away
She watches me
She reassures me

The High Priestess
She tells me all that I need to know
She enters me
at times of struggle
She over comes it
not through hostility
through acceptance
She lavishes in it
she sees the lighter side
of the human spirit
and she laughs

she is spirit
she is my spirit
she is I
I am
The High Priestess.

I am.

you shall be the one.
you shall be the one I see
when I look into the mirror
you shall be the one
that makes me life much clearer
Come nearer,
so you can teach me
all there is to know.
Friend or foe,
Lover, take my hand
lets go.

Many people do not notice the sparkle that still remains in the once white, now gray snow that rests along the sides of the busy streets of our lives.
Tonight, while at a red light, I saw this sparkle.
It caught my eye.
it melted my heart,
the light turned green,
And I went.

Go forward
but do not hesitant to stop
and notice the sparkle that is ever present
even in the midst of polluted snow.
Go now.

A stone wall is kind in the country
Allowing for the green grass to grow through
Underneath a brilliant blue.

A stone wall is kind in the country
Allowing for the once lively leaves to settle in the cracks
Beneath the old baring trees

A stone wall is kind in the country
Allowing for the snow to cover
Like the ever standing presence of an old lover.

A stone wall is kind if the country
Allowing for the falling of the rain
Welcoming everything, even the pain.

A stone wall is kind in the country
Allowing for the sun to once again come on through
Underneath a brilliant blue.

Skimming the surface
Of a sweet thought
Dissecting it
Ever so slowly
So
That
It does not
Become stale.
In my mind,
Rewinding.
In my mind,
Replaying.
In my mind,
Remixing,
This sweet thought
So that
It does not touch the ground.
Just as I did as a child with a balloon,
I’m bouncing this sweet thought
from wall to wall
My skin, warm.
My hair, static.
My heart, beating.
Raking the surface of this sweet thought
Just as I did as a child,
I  am jumping in a pile of leaves--- for
This thought makes its quite easy to fall.

Rising up from the floor, I feel
The hardness, and the security of the white wall on my body.
As my body presses in,
The coolness of the wall
Washes over me.
The solidness of the wall
Takes hold of me and
Stops my spinning head and
My winding heart dead in their tracks.
Thank you Wall
For catching me
Thank you
For allowing to me experience myself
Without falling down
Onto the Floor.

I am me.
I am
my soul.

My soul is
the lush green in these trees at springtime.

Deeply rooted,
Yet free to sway with the wind.
I welcome the wind.

I gently hush the wind
Reminding her to listen
Reminding her of my reassuring ways.

my memory of you
of us
of me
now seems like a watercolored painting.
a messy canvas
in which the colors are all blending together.
Yet it is still a bright one
with reds and oranges
just like my dress
the one that you loved
the one that you took off of me with your  mouth
you hands barley touching me
yet I craved them
I craved to be in that  small warm space
between your breath and my skin.

Now
we are
only what we were:
A beautiful painting.

Every now and then
I take the painting out
dust it off
hang it up.
I hang it up on  the various walls in my new home.
The yellow wall in my living room
The lilac walls of my bedroom.
I cannot  seem to find a place for it.
In my memory it shall stay.

In my memory is where
your strong hands
your tender smell
your beautiful face
your energy
that shook me
that took me
for the ride of my young life
shall stay.

Tonight I am resting
With the winding thoughts
That spill
Over my cup
Of red wine
which spills
Over a mending
Heart.
A laughing
Smiling face
Of myself
I see in the mirror.
This is good to know:
I am laughing.
I am smiling.

On a good day
we feel high
in the sun
on a sunday.
Beers in the driveway.
Why can't I stay?
With my broken sunglasses
I don't want to go home
Where is my home?
When we're sitting in the sun
anywhere feels right.

The color of heartbreak.


The     empty         spaces           of          heartbreak.

The SIZE of heartBREAK

But The Memory:

That night
That day
Those shoes
Your hair
That smell
That noise
That song
My stomach
Your hands

That beat you tapped out with your foot
                                Made me love you forever at that moment



The Beauty of heartbreak:


i was alive.

In my old apartment
I used to have
Red Curtains.

With widows open
They would mystically dance to my
Brighter thoughts of the afternoon

Like a woman dancing
A woman drifting
A woman breathing
They desired to be watched.

A memory they create for me.
A dream of a time we woke up to a seemingly red sun
Coming through.

Stretching
Smiling
Singing

We knew if would be a beautiful day.

Please Stay.

Intriguing Eyes
Meet across such rooms
So empty and
So full
Of people

And once they meet
They burn
In the dime light of a bedroom.

"Lay lady lay"
The music goes

And she lies
And he goes
And they go

By the spark of the dark
On the skin of the moment

Truth come to me
In the lightest light of morning light.

Follow me
Into the dusk of twilight
Where all the tiny particles of my day
Float up, up and away.

Save me
In the thirsty hour of midnight
In the pool of thick water that
Settles on my skin and thought.

But leave me now
In the honest hour of day break.
Leave me to hear that bird chirping
And to smell that fresh smell
Of window screen and lilac.

But truth, please enter me
In the late afternoon
Before all the tiny particles of my day
Float up, up and away.

Yesterday
Last night
And today
I recognized your face
fully for the first time.
I saw who you were
and you are beautiful.
You are a true soul
gravitating to all that is Good
all that is Pure.
Pulling me towards you
I become Good
I become Pure.
I am where I should be.

Happiness enters
me as I gravitate up to
You.

I am in awe of your face
I am falling for your hands
I am breathing you in forever.

and although this train selfishly slices through this humid July night and the long, tired miles that now separate us,
I  smile--for I know the rocking of this train is nothing but you with your arms around me.
You will always be around me.

I drove by your trailer the other night.
You had up those large old fashion red, green, and blue Christmas lights
on the two bushes by the front door.
It made me sting.

I wanted to rush inside,
to see you sitting there on your couch,
and to kiss you hard.

I wanted to burry my face in your shoulder and smell you,
cigarettes and all.

A pain I now feel,
A pain I cannot put a name to.

I miss you, I do.
Yet I know my dreams.
I know what I want for myself
For my lover
For my family.
And unfortunately,
as much as I wish it was you,
it
is
not.

The girl's paint chipped window is wide open,
allowing Spring to breath into
her home and into her
ever mending yet growing heart.

Outside of the window
she hears the crickets in the side yard.
They are speaking to her.
They speak of comfort,
yet all the while they stress
the immediacy of  right now.

Now is the time
They say to her.
Here us now,
before we stop.
Here us now,
while we are still in unison.
Here us now,
as we share the quietness of the warm dark blue.

Here us now,
Before we are silenced by your
Burdensome thoughts.
Here us now,
Before we choose to stop.
For we sing
a sweet song
that often goes
Unnoticed.

Woke up thinking about an old friend.
Along time ago,
This friend
Made me feel
So alive.
More alive than I have ever been.

My friend took me,
Shook me,
Like dr. pepper
As I exploded
With the sweet taste of cherries.

Now I dream of this old friend
More than he will ever know.
My dreams are sad,
On the cutting edge of love
And saying goodbye
Clinging to space
That no longer exists.
Vibrating on a frequency that only exists in
Old songs,
Old smells,
Old visions.
Of those times we once had
On the frost bitten ground
Outside of my car when we laid eyes on each other.
Or under the light where you told me you loved me
As we both pretended that we smoked.

Remember when I road in the ambulance with you?
Then, I was more complicated
And so were you.
But even then I knew
Still
So clearly
That I loved you.

Oh, friend

I would have done anything for you.
But now
You exist only in my dreams
And even in my dreams
You are running away.
I wish I could let you go.
But in my mind
In my heart
And in my dreams
you still remain.