Drinking, smoking, skipping college,
Getting into fights that you don't start,
You put play before your work,
But that's just the way you are.

"Get out of my sight" or off the stage,
Your wink is soft, your anger's hard,
It seems to most, you've lost control,
But that's just the way you are.

I don't fit in, I never have,
You rebuke me, leave a mark,
Chancer, messing, cheeky, sly,
But that's just the way you are.

Yet all of this, and all of you'd
Miss half your worth by far,
It's senseless and you won't agree,
But that's just the way you are.

"How did she end up with him?"
And when did all this start?
Your play is work you want to keep,
But that's just the way you are.

And so we'll wait to tell the world,
Our lethargic, secret plan.
Sure, I could take it in my stride,
But that's not the way I am.

How come I always,
Get so caught up?
Wrong people,
Wrong places,
Half-empty cup.

You seemed an exception,
Like things were finally right.
I never,
No, never,
Even put up a fight.

I wish I had, now,
I could’ve had so much more.
If I could only,
If only,
Have just walked out that door.

With just a simple “sorry,”
You left a hollow in my chest.
I understand,
Please, understand,
You have to “do what’s best.”

And then there we both were,
Civility a struggle.
There’s her,
There’s always her,
I’m too much for you to juggle.

So all I’ve got now,
Are your footprints on my heart.
I miss you,
So much now,
Let’s go back to the start.

I can't take it,
Don't want to shake it.
Give me a fast-forward button,
Or a reason not to need one.

It's not jealousy,
He's mine, I'm his,
But still I don't like,
How pretty she is.

It's what I wanted,
What I always wanted.
Always.
(That's what I keep telling myself;
repeating it.
Repeating.)

But now I don't think,
that I want it anymore.
I think.
It's scary, and it's
difficult, and it's
Full of Meaning.
I do still want
it.
And this makes it easier.

To justify.

You have me convinced,
Just by admitting you wonder.
A bit of you… just a little bit…
Yet still more,
Than ever I could have hoped.

Lifetimes ago, had only I known,
When I am older…
But what of now?
You're persuasive.
So much more than you know.

I don’t know if I’m happy;
because I didn’t remember right away,
Or upset;
because I definitely feel weighted.

“It’s just a number,” I reassure;
just a number and just a boy,
And everything;
(Almost everything) that I’m missing.
That I lost.

I don’t know if I like that I;
remember, as I do,
Or if;
I like the privacy of it.
Of knowing.
Of you not knowing.

I do feel something, I don’t feel safe;
in the knowledge that I’d still take you back,
But you’ll never ask.