Here we are again
another Friday night
you asleep and me awake
I once again beg with ignored pleas

can't bring myself to give voice to this
but if you refuse to help yourself





I am going to eventually stop
throwing you a life line

We both cried tonight
Yours was painful, gut wrenching
Mine is silent and continuing even as you sleep (how can you sleep?)

I cannot believe you think you aren't worthy of someone so broken

I am sick of you hiding things
found your vapes yet again
in the car, the bathroom, the kitchen pantry

you "don't smoke that much, just when stressed"
I know there are worse things to be addicted to, but why can't you be honest

when questioned I turn into the villain

You used to be so full of life
Now I have a list of things you hate, which right now feels like it includes me

So I go alone, to meet my family, to work events, to see friends
I don't even want to invite you anymore

I feel so sad that I can't balance this you with the old you

Should I have known this is who you'd grow up to be?
Should I have taken steps years ago to separate myself?

I used to sparkle,
have I dulled because of you?

I want you to be afraid of losing me
Maybe it'll happen today (tomorrow)

I am all in and you can’t be bothered to see that
I deserve to have my love returned just as fiercely as I give it (away)

The happily ever after (that we both never shared)

That night you looked at me, told me your hopes, dreams, plans.
I had never known, never asked.
I assumed (was scared) you didn't think the same as me
I wasn't sure it was real, convinced it was a good dream.

Until the next morning you pulled me close,
whispering you want to wake up next to me until we are wrinkly and gray. (I am going to love you until the end)