One single touch
Upon my skin
Makes my heart
Open up
Again

you stuffed the sharpest fragments of your past
deep into the pockets of that green coat
so that they couldn’t pierce you anymore

sometimes in conversation, your hand shifts towards a pocket
I give the gesture attention, so you go ahead and reach in

the memory you pull out, you hold before you like a line-up
I tell you I’m not taking mental-picture mugshots

all I want is to hold the parts of your past that hurt the most
and grace them with my tears

for when I look at you, I see a girl with the courage
to pick the broken fragments of her shattered self off the floor
and piece them back together

I see a girl who dares to ask the deepest questions of life
because she has already been broken
and is not afraid of the answer

the funny thing about time
is the way it grinds your bones to dust
while they’re still sitting in your flesh

we can all feel it,
we pretend we don’t, but we do

you feel it when you wake up in the morning
having dreamt of your childhood
and the sound of your sister’s laughter is still ringing in your ears

you feel it when you look up from a book
and its not your brother sitting in the chair next to you
but a strange fellow with a deep voice
and a nose that looks remarkably familiar

and strongest of all, you feel it when at the dinner table
your mother asks you what you’ve been up to for the past 18 years

see, the funny thing about time
is the way it grinds your bones to dust
while they’re still sitting in your flesh

just the other night, I pressed my palms together
and I called on a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile,
to ask where he’d been

he told me he’d been spending time with my father
because the man really needed some company
without his oldest son to talk to

oh and while I have you, he said,
your mother called
she told me to tell you
that your bed is made, if you ever want to come home

in a town in which I've never been
you light a cigarette and try to smoke me out of your mind
while I sit here, my ashtray filled with pencil stubs
from trying to write my arms around you

I haven't slept since you left
I've spent my nights searching for the sun
for if I found it, I'd climb right on top
so I could be with you in the morning

but my mornings remain rivers after a storm
memories flowing by like debris
I can't reach them without falling in
so I stand and watch them go

its the watching I can't stand
watching your hand slip from mine
watching the wrong time
convince us that we can't be together

I feel helpless, hopeless
these days hold me prisoner
the hurt trying to torture remorse from my lips
but I will never regret the days I spent with you

when I was with you
you looked at me like there was no past or future, only now
you listened to me like I was Buddha preaching the Eightfold Path
you spoke to me like I was memorizing your every word, cause I was

you hugged me
you held me
you kissed me
like I’m a boy you had a crush on became I’m a boy who loves you

but here I’m a boy who misses you

as the wind blew us together,
the rain shall sweep us away
and come fall we’ll be leaves of different colors

i just want to tell you
that for how forcefully my gut protests at the thought of letting you go
I cannot hear its cries when I think of the time I spent with you

you took my heart in your hands, you broke it in and stretched it out,
and then you gave it back
here, you said,
it is ready

Last night I just
needed you
closerclosercloser
but it felt like
you were so

                                                          far.

Finally you
grabbed me and
pulled me to your
chest and you
said, "God, why
was I trying to
sleep without
you right here?"

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace

I'm fine.
Just fine.
I can't forget how the neighbor's casserole tastes,
And I can still see his face
But I'm fine.
Just fine.

The plaid shirt still smells like him
And the flowers have long been wilted
But I'm fine.
Just fine.

His picture sits on a dusty shelf
And his body is resting deep underground
But I'm fine.
Just fine.

My chin is up
My arms are open
And I've never felt so alone
But I'm fine.
Just fine.

New to town, New to school
A fresh start, Mom said,
Now remember,
You're fine,
Just fine.

Though this house is unfamiliar
His ghost haunts these halls
The floorboards creak and whisper
The lies I have to continually tell,
"I'm fine,
Just fine."

I watch as my mother tries to fill the part of her soul which my father used to occupy
But I'm fine
Just fine

Another marriage ripping apart at the seams
A man that never felt like "Dad" takes the car
And any memory of normalcy with him
I'm fine.
Just fine.

Packing suitcases again
My life like that of a gypsy's
I want to wake up from this nightmare
But I'm fine,
Just fine.

I punched out all the mirrors around here
Because I hate the wild-eyed creature glaring back at me
Im fine
Just fine

I hate how she talks, this monster of mine,
I hate the lies she tells
"Today was a good day. I made new friends.
And I'm fine.
Just fine."

Crimson puddles gather in my hand
And I'm starting to love how nicely flesh tears
But I'm fine
Just fine

I ponder escaping from here
Every second of every hour
and these lovely little scratched up my arm show it
But really, Im fine.
Just fine.

I don't need anyone to tell me
That everything will be okay
Because it won't.
He's gone.
Taken too soon
too quick,
too sudden.
I don't want your pity.
Dont look at me that way
Shining with tears and fake empathy
Dont look at me that way-
I'm fine.
**Just Fine.