I spilled the paint on the carpet
You laughed it off and said
You still love me
I'm still me
Not those others you feared

Fast forward and I'm not a ******
I'm still young so you shake your head
You still love me
I'm kind of like you now
Like all those other teenaged girls

Now I smoke and I drink
You can hardly look at me
You still love me
But you treat me different
I'm just like my brother and my father

Now I'm afraid of making
Any more mistakes
You always said you loved me
For who I was
But now I realize
You loved me for who I wasn't
And when I changed and became
Sort of just like them
Your heart shifted
You never saw it coming

But this is who I am
And I don't think I'll change
I like the way things are
In my heart and in me
You don't have to pretend
I know things are different
Just don't lie to me

You said you saved me
That you got the worst of the childhood
Because YOU chose to drink
And get into all of that stuff
I won't touch

All you did was break me
As for me and my childhood
I just want to forget it
Because you took it from me
You just don't see it

You were not the one
Whose brother was taken away
Whose brother is killing himself
Whose brother tore apart his own mother
And left you to put her back together

You were never the one
Who paid for your mistakes
You don't deserve to be angry
We do
You ***** us of our childhood
You took everyone away
You made mom scream and cry
I was only eight

Do you know I can't sleep
Do you know I have this
Constant fear of waking up
And hearing you're dead
I don't think you do
You think of no one but you

They tell me
Never to do what you did
Because it will leave me
Dried out and scarred
But what they can't see is
It already has
Even without one sip

I'm not strong
I can't deal with being
Expected to do the right thing
I'm not who you thought I
Always was

I crumble so easily
Fall apart at the smallest things
And I know this
So I got the hell out
For my own good

You don't need to keep
Pointing out that I
Am not living up to the
Perfect person I was
I know

These are my flaws
I know them by heart
I see them every time
I catch my reflection
So stop saying it

You don't even see
The darker things I hide
How I destroyed myself
How I refused to eat
How I tried to take my life
And fell apart when I couldn't
Even do that
How I keep thinking
I could do it for real
How I keep hiding
Every sigle ******* thing I
Feel

You were the only good thing
In his broken life
But you left him
By twisting a broken knife
Into his heart

And now his best friend
Follows you like
You followed him
Another sharp spike
Making its way in

You don't say a word
Won't tell him you're done
Not until everyone knows
Not until he's build up hope
Not until he will crumble
When you tell him the truth

I always said I'd never blame you
But he's still very close to my heart
And now I'm just mad, he just cries
You said forever from the start

I know things change
And he's no prince charming
And he's obsessed with dumb
Harsh ways of self-harming
But I've never seen him love
Anyone or anything
Even half of the amount that
He loves you

It’s hard to remember the time I flew above the clouds.
But I can remember the moment I crashed to the ground.
You say it’s different
Sure it’s different
I can smell it on your breath
I can’t believe I put my faith
In such a disappointing mess
Don’t you think it’s time to own up to what you did?
Guess it’s just my fault for being what you hit.

And I’m wondering why oh why I,
Keep breaking over you now.
And I’m wondering how oh how,
I can get back to the clouds.
I’m afraid that my roots
That I have laid here
Will keep me begging for serenity.
Well I’m not listening,
I’ll be fighting till it ends me.

Nearly six months and it feels so long
Since I lost all control and I sang your song
But I wouldn’t go back
No matter how hard I smiled.

I try not to think of those nights
All they do is bring tears to my eyes,
And wonder why
Why oh why
Could I let myself go
When I held on so tight?

Who fell in love
With that?
So many moments
We can’t take back.
But I felt alive.
I felt alive.

My eyes are heavy.
My mouth is dry.
My legs are aching.
I’m just so tired.
The stars are too bright.
The moon fills up my eyes.
The air is freezing.
I’ll never sleep tonight.