I don't really hate you
but im not
necessarily   happy
that you even exist
in my world

It wasn't a suicide attempt,it was an escape from everything awful.When we cut,we're in control.We make our pain, and we can stop it whenever we want.Physical pain relieves mental anguish.For a brief moment,the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind,and when that stops and the other pain comes back, its weaker.Drugs do that too,and ***,But not like cutting.Nothing is like cutting

this loneliness is starting to
eat away at me again

each day i wake the same
feeling violated
i have to scrub myself toget ride of you touch


why does this nightmare always feel the same

i feel your fist pounding into me
i can hear your words
as the tear me apart
put me down ,
tear apart what i have tried to put back together

these nightmare break me all-over again
break what is good in me
shatter what was hole

as the tears role down my face
I hold that little knife so tight
scared of what will unfold
ignoring all the warning signals
I know this wont end well
but im just so mad I cant get it
pushing the knife down
feeling the sting
feeling the blood flow
one line after the other
this pain
wont go away
wont leave me alone
theses voices a screaming louder than ever
why cant I just be normal

mum
I beg you please
don't take me back to this war ground
im forced to see as home
please I beg you
don't make me spend another moment feeling not good enough
don't make me go home to the yelling and screaming

                                       they call me names
                                           they put me down
                                      why am I not good enough
im trying my best to up hold my promise to you
im trying not to fight with her
im trying to be good enough
im trying to be a good loving big sister*
                     * I know I let what going on in my head take control
                      im trying to stay hopeful that these tablets will
                                                FIX WHAT HOLDES ME CAPTIVE
please I beg you don't take me home
were I don't belong
were I don't fit in
and were im alone

I feel like I give so much
to gain be just like the others
I give so much to be happy
but all I do is feel so much smaller


I feel like I give so much
to be loved by my family
but never get
anyone's reassurance, love ,protection