I long to drink, to numb my pain, to ease my sins from the day.

The more I drink the better I feel and my thoughts begin to come ever so real.

Monster in the mirror sends loved ones to fear,
I scratch, I claw, destroying my all.

Attacking without cause, I paint with my claws,
a picture of pain while splitting my veins.

When Im sober I fear,
telling you “Im dead my dear”,
Just give me another bottle of everclear.

Everyday is a battle, and I choose to fight
but keep staring at me with those dead eyes,
its not like you would understand, with your perfect life

This isnt your everyday abuse,
every step a trap door to tighten my noose


I cant breath with your eyes piercing my heart
my brain fried, im paralyzed

You know what you do to me
yet you fail to cease
Im tearing myself apart at the seams

Every day, every reflection
just go the **** away

stuck in my ca ****
I have little room to grow

I want out
my predator's not giving me a chance-
ready to crush my underlying beauty


I want to start my journey
free of influence and guilt


understanding my freedom 
I soon realize I could be the next optimist on that insect infested windshield


Cars are like soldiers, imitating life's obstacles
I fail to make progress

Months go by, still fighting both battles I ask:
Is my future still worth fighting for?

I did not choose this life

Today I let go
but dont worry boy
you wont lose all of me
you have a place in my heart forever
a bullet proof chamber
one which you cant break

A new life has begun
I feel so free
Many struggles
but I was worth every fight
because now im free from you
Time to move on
Decide.Commit.Succeed

My life shattered in pieces
I scramble to put it back together
before anyone sees my weakness
the master of disguises
I put on a smile and shove my feelings to the side
I dare not be vulnerable
I mask my imperfections with impersonations
I ask you-
put me back together
make me whole again
please
I need your help to show me
show me it’s ok to be me
tell me that im beautiful
worthy
Its not like me to beg, but I have nothing left
I am broken
be the glue that holds me together

Inhale
you enter my body
tingling oxygen

traveling through my veins
you give me warmth
keeping me alive

I hold you in
hoping there is something left
an endless supply

your departure boils my blood
your beat-less body
my heart pumps for two
you leave me cold

The seasons are in the midst of change
no one will exchange
something has taken over
just want a 4 leaf clover

A black wind has brushed my face
couldn't embrace
(roots) tug at my feet
You have me beat

I fight to stay alive
taking a downward dive
an infinite battle
its caused more than a rattle

This was not my choice
just hear my voice
a form of obtuse
I wont hang the noose