karuna

karuna Aug 2013

you should love her
because obviously she knows how to love you in a way that i never could
she knows all the right things to say
she makes you happy
like evidently i never could

you should love her
because it seems that any time you spend apart
is unbearable for you
reminding me that the months that we were without each other meant nothing to you

you should love her
because she's beautiful and she know how to make you feel beautiful
why didn't you give me a chance to do that?

you should love her
because she lights up your life
and give you the freedom to live and do anything you want with it
and no matter how hard i tried could never do that for you

you should love her
because she's better
and kinder
and smarter
and everything i'll ever be

you should love her
but then again
maybe you already do

karuna Aug 2013

Oceans Of Love (this is not a love poem)

they give you more pills to numb the pain
but they don't really care about you anyway
just doing their job so they get paid
thats what life's all about they say

i'm standing at the edge but no one will let me jump
being dragged down as they pick me up
i'm out of love
and out of luck

my life is at a stand still
not going up but not going downhill
theres nothing left but all this fear
i'm all alone, why aren't you here?
i don't know how much longer i can take this my dear

what happened to heart over mind?
you were never there by my side
i no longer know who cares if i live or i die
but that doesn't matter to you since i said goodbye
because you didn't even have the guts to merely try

i gave you everything i had
well isn't it sad
that even with all the **** going on in my mind
i still managed to find
courage and the time
to try and make this work out
but you were a coward full of doubt

over and over you kept breaking my heart
but i just kept making excuses for you,
yeah thats the worst part

you broke me down
and now theres n oone around
silence turns into most horrible sound

as i shatter into a million pieces
you only have a couple cracks and some creases
you're perfectly fine without me
****** why couldn't i see
that in the end
if my love was an ocean
then you would leave me
drowning in my own misery

i found the beginning of this in one of my notebooks, i think it was meant to be a song but what ever.

karuna Aug 2013

Lies

i wont forget you*
you said, once upon a time
now i know you lied

another haiku

karuna Aug 2013

Ending (tw)

the last scream
the last cry.
shame and self hatred
sink into every crevice and corner of my mind.
i feel hurt and wronged
but you've convinced me that i've got it all wrong.
its a constant battle
between what i feel
and the piercing sting of your uncannily calm words
they feed my demons with a new image of myself
'awful'
'mean'
'hateful'
'wrong'
'unloved'
'disgusting'
as i hear your answering machine,
for the last time
and leave my last message
i'm overwhelmed by what i have done
'what have i done?'
and then it hits me
this is the end
end
i've always hated endings
but i think this has to be the worst ending
i think it will be the last ending
for i fear
that at the next beginning
i'll be paralyzed with the memories of all the tragic endings
of my unfinished story,
but who knows
maybe the last ending will be my own.

part 3

karuna Aug 2013

Cold Heart

the truth was denied
your calm words have broken me
i can not bear it

my first haiku

karuna Aug 2013

Waiting

i'm waiting,
staring at a phone,
refreshing my facebook page
waiting for a sign to show me that you care about me
enough to give me more than a few text messages
to show me that it was worth it,
worth all the waiting,
all the pain,
all the courage which i'm beginning to thing i have wasted on you.
i'm waiting for you to give me back everything that i gave to you,
i need you to try,
and maybe you have tried,
in your own measly way,
but it's not enough.
can't you see how hard i fought for you?
can't you see how hard i tried?
i'm not strong enough to hold up both of us anymore.
i've spent months drowning for our love,
and i'm getting weaker by the second.
so if you keep me waiting for much longer i think,
i'll let it sink along with me.

part 2

karuna Aug 2013

Skin and Bones (tw)

you act like i'm the awful one
because i finally expressed the anger
that has been bubbling beneath the surface of my madness.
because at last i unleashed the hurt
that has slowly seeped into my veins,
which can no longer be released by even the deepest of cuts.
i think that even if i bled myself dry the hurt would still be there,
finally sunken into my skin and bones.
thats all thats left of me now,
sunken skin and broken bones
inhabited by my past, the present
and the treaturous caverns of my unsound mind.
i don't know how you can act like i'm the awful one
when you're the one that broke me.