You made me rethink my destination in life,
And that alone speaks more about how I feel than any sappy ******* I could write down in my journal.

There is nothing I want more right now than to have someone laying beside me on my bed. Just laying there in the dark, all of the windows open, and listening to the sound of cars pass every few minutes. Slowly, the number of cars driving by will get lower and lower as the night lingers on.
I want to lay above the sheets in our underwear and not speak. Just lay there with that person and know that someone is with me. We can watch the shadows bounce around the room, and the lights from outside dance across the walls. The light shining through the window will illuminate only half of our bodies, while the other half remains a complete mystery.
The silence will eventually be broken because one of us has dared to speak aloud. I want to ask you dumb questions. I want to know everything about you. Why do you talk so slow? Where do your parents think you are right now? If you could be any type of vegetable what would you be? If you could kiss me right now would you? Because I want you to. And I wouldn't let you stop until our clothes are slowly coming off and we are saying prayers underneath our breath for we know we are about to commit a sin. And slowly we are tangled in one another and nothing seems to matter anymore. Everything that was once clouding our heads slowly starts to disappear because all that matters is this moment.
And suddenly, everything is quiet. No more cars passing on the street. The lights outside have grown dimmer. The world has seemed to stop spinning for a moment in time. And it's just you and I. On the bed. Completely naked. And the silence between us is the only thing we have been content with in weeks.

When someone calls me selfish
I have to agree with them.
Because in the back of my mind
I still want you to love me.
And that is very selfish of me.

And nobody is going to love you half as much as I am trying to.

Life is like the freeway
It's loud
No one knows where the hell they are going
Everyone seems to be in a rush to get somewhere
Idiots will cut you off
You will fear for your life at times
It's just a ******* mess

But you can't avoid the freeway
It takes you everywhere you need to be

Every once in a while it sinks in
that you didn’t want to be with me anymore,
and it still hurts like hell.

I dreamt that you missed me.
It was just a ******* dream.

He guessed my favorite color on the first try.

But between me and you...
I didn't even have a favorite color until he softly said "blue?"
When he looked up at me and smiled,
I told him he was right.
And ever since then I have never seen blue the same way.
It's all I can see.

I like anything that's bad for me,
Which must be why I fell for you.

I'm not okay,
Why are you?

I want my fingers to trace your every outline,
I want to paint a picture with my hands.

I'll just keep telling myself that I don't need you.
My mom always told me not to lie to others but she never said anything about lying to myself.

In Astronomy class I was taught that if you get too close to the sun you'll end up on fire.
You're my sun.
And I'm burning alive.

I want to touch you.
I want to feel your smooth skin,
Run my finger tips across your forehead,
Around the arches of your cheek bones,
And through the deep valley of your lips.
I want to intertwine your legs with mine,
And feel your cold hands make icy trails down my spine.
I want to lose my hands in your hair,
And be burned by your mouth moving across my neck.
I want to travel into your memories,
And get tangled in your thoughts.
I want to look into your eyes forever,
And be frozen there in time.
I want to drown in your sheets,
And get lost with your body.
I want you to be mine,
And I want to be yours.

You are like the coffee stain on my favorite white shirt.
The accident I didn't see coming,
The mess I was unable to clean up.

It’s okay if I’m not the girl of your dreams.
Or the one you wake up next to in the morning.
Truthfully, all I’ve ever wanted was to be the girl you
think of years from now, on a cloudy day,
staring up at the sky and wishing the clouds would move
because the sky no longer resembles my blue eyes.

If I knew being tired all the time was a warning sign of depression,
I could have diagnosed myself years ago.

You are oxygen
And I'm dying to breathe.

I am afraid if I open myself up that my secrets will not stop pouring out.
Why am I so afraid of becoming a river?
What mountain made me feel shame?

And I guess my problem is that I was always taught how to love but not to stop.
So losing you was like losing everything, and I can't stop this feeling in my heart.

I always find myself thinking about you.
Even if I don't mean to.
I could try writing about the seasons and how beautiful they are or how they are forever changing, but I know I'd end up with something hinting at you.
About how I was lonely in the spring, fell for you in the summer, lost you in fall, and let go in the winter.
I write about you because I can't actually tell you how I feel.
So the paper in my journal feels it instead.
Because if I tried to tell you, it just wouldn't come out the same.
How I can't sleep when the smell of you still lingers on my sheets.
How I stopped listening to my music on shuffle because all the songs remind me of you.
How I can't look at pictures of your face because I picture myself next to you still.
How I struggle not picking up the phone to call you when something good or bad happens to me.
How I sit in the shower and wait for the aching to stop before I get out and have to face the world again, alone.
And how I used to laugh at girls that would be love sick over a guy.
But darling, I would give up everything to hear you say, "I miss you and love you too."
Do you see what I mean?
You find your way back into my words, back into my thoughts.
The seasons are changing now, and so are you.
You're still gone.
And I'm still here.

Another night of blankly staring at the ceiling.
I guess it's better than dreaming of you.

I used to look at you like you put the stars in the sky,
But now I realize all you did was put a blind fold on me that had stars on the inside.