For a minute
I actually thought I was okay
And then
I heard that song
The one we danced to
In the moonlight
Under the stars
At midnight

If I had jello in my veins,
I'd cut my wrists and drink
Scrumptious sugar sweet,
Rainbow colors within me.

You said I was the best.
You said I was perfect.

if i let enough blood out
     not enough to die
                   just to slow the blood to my head
         so i don't think as much?
maybe?

I miss the cold air penetrating my lungs,
Bringing me to life.
For once feeling cut off-
Independent
Completely free.
Its empowering
Entrancing
Intoxicating
Poisonous.
That feeling of freedom
"Just one last cigarette."
Repeated a thousand times
in dreams, on long highways,
at the corner buried in snow at midnight.
One last sin
Again
And again