Here I am, again
I know this place well
Because I never get to leave for long

I'm here alone just like every time before

We caught each other in a weak spot
I thought you'd fallen in my lap
Like a gift
Like a blessing

But I forgot about the curse

Meant to walk alone
Dream alone
Be alone
All on my own

Here I am again
But I'm not empty
I'm full of regret, the regret you get when you throw your heart around
I help break my own heart
they never do it alone

The help never ceases to amaze

If you need me, you'll know where to look
The lost
The broken
The unavailable
They find me

I won’t keep lying to myself just to lie to everyone else
I always had doubts but my actions are all I had to lay out to see the truth

It was all right there just like times before I’m never the last to know I just don’t know myself that well

I’ve never been in front of the mirror when you come over to greet me so I never saw how bright my smile got
I didn’t know that when I got you naked it was only to get you as close to me as possible
I didn’t know when I txt you with nothing to say it was just to put me in your mind that day
turns out I don’t know ****
All I got from this was a memorization of the shape of your jaw
traced it with my finger just yesterday
the corners of your mouth
there’s no straight lines in this crocked romance
I trace the lines of you in my head
I pretend my hands are yours
You’re everywhere and no where
California is our home but you've been south for the winter since I realized the truth about the hold you’ve got on my heart that started with a hand full of blouse
Take me some where else so we can be alone
Take me before I lie to myself again
State lines don’t split us apart but your decisions do
California is our home..

Certain I’ve never thought this thought before
almost shocked myself till I realized it ‘s a good thing
I hope I’ve missed my chance with you because I’m tired of being in this alone
You never say the right thing
You never think of me unless you’re lonely

I hope I missed my chance so I can’t come back and share more of myself
I always try to fill your ears with all the words you want to hear
And all you do is fill your hands with me
It’s never been enough
so why do I hold on to you?

I hope I missed my chance
Get lonely somewhere else because I’m trying to forget you
my favorite rain cloud never even around long enough to get me wet
It’s never been enough
So why do I hold on to you?

Fill my heart not just your hands

I remember back then when you’d pull me close hip to hip

Your body was mine but your heart was somewhere else

When I thought Love was pouring all over me

But when I’d wake up you’d be ready to go

I’d slid over to take the warm spot you left behind

You’ve had too much practice with us girls

I try and tell my friends it could have been any of you

But am I the only one who fell for it?

I hear you’re all the same but I’ve never met a boy like you

Feeling sorry for my foolishness when I miss you

The worst part is I still wonder how I could have kept you

You’ve had too much practice with us girls

I try not to bring you up so no one knows you’ve still got me

But some things you just can not hide

Will you ever play for keeps?

I take all the time you have to give

I never know when it could be the last time

You told me that some people want to be used

that must be something a guilty conscience tells itself

I wish I could have said something to you just then but I lost my courage and sank back in to my mind to find something you’d like to hear

I think we both know that I have a soft spot for you

We also know that you’ll never give me anything but your spare time

With both these pieces of knowledge between us why do I still bother?

Even when my friends all deemed you strange and awkward

I never let there words change the ones I’d say to you

I’m writing about you now but I hope it won’t be for always

You ask me what’s on my mind when we hit a patch of silence

well if you read this I could answer that question for you...

but I wouldn’t imagine telling you the truth

maybe you were talking about me

Because time after time here I am

If you and I have no business here then..

Tell me something so **** that it’s just across the way from sweet
You’re a self proclaimed *******
But your eyes always apologize for what your mouth has to spout
Maybe it’s the way you look for me
Maybe it’s the way you open up when I’m the only one listening

If you and I have no where to go but down then..

Tell me something so honest that it’s just down the street from endearing
You’re a self proclaimed *******
But when I ask you where you’ve been you reply waiting for you
Maybe it’s the way you make me feel good enough to cheer you up
Maybe it’s the way you correct me with a smile almost every time

If you and I have no future then I’ll give you every part of the present

I can’t wait to meet my next heartbreak

He’ll have everything I never knew I wanted

I can’t wait to see the face that will turn me back into a fool

I can’t wait to see how many smiles I’ll waste on him

I can’t wait to see what outfits I’ll buy just for him

He’ll have everything I never knew I wanted

I can’t wait to hug him like I’ll never let him go

I can’t wait to hang on his every word like they were a life raft

I can’t wait to see the eyes that take me over

He’ll have everything I never knew I wanted

I can’t wait to meet my next heartbreak

A mouth full of gasoline + a match stick for a heart, she whispers to him nice and low set me on fire

She’s willing to stare disaster in it’s Eager eyes.
She wouldn’t dream of running before her Time with him is Up.

With his Arms like Alcohol, she can’t help but feel Altered when they are around her.

With his Body like running Water, she’s as good as Drown.

With his Smile like Oxygen, she’s not Gasping for Air just yet.

With his face like a love song, too bad she’s never been know to carry a tune.

With a matchstick between her lips + her heart of gasoline she waits for her moment
to set him on fire.

I hear the words leave the mouth I thought I knew so well

The confession you place on me has an instant effect

My vision starts to close in around the sides to a pin point size view it makes everything around us look like blurs of light

Your voice begins to sound almost miles away, and I could care less to hear the rest

It Feels as if my rib cage just cracked into two perfect almost identical pieces

My lungs lose the room they use to have and leave me only shallow breathes to take

Shock and Pain come that I hope is powerful enough to teach me a lesson

I shift my eyes down to see the damage

To my surprise my chest looks to be in one piece, my hand raises slowly to touch where the split should be

It shakes all the way to where my heart use to beat on the left side below my collar bone

I can’t feel any movement and for a moment I feel relief to the thought of being alive with out a heart nothing to get in the way any more

Your timing seemed so perfect the devil must’ve nudged you when to divulge this secret

It seems it didn’t hurt you to carry it

It won’t do me the same kindness

I thougth you’d give me the chance to write of Love
The kind to brake the habbits that kept the others at bay
I beileve you are someone who could make my rosy thoughts a reality
But you won’t be doing this for me


Was I just something to be soaked up
To bring you up and make you laugh
You can’t understand the way your eyes led me on
I swear I saw it in the way you looked at me
It was like the foot between us was too much to bear
I swore I could feel you holding back

You told me once that we all need affection
But what else do you need?
I thougth you’d give me the chance to write of Love
The kind that would make others jealous
The kind that would make me blush from the inside out

Put my hands on you and let you in on how it feels to be around You

Push my Excitement out from my body to fill the little spaces between Us

Do you feel it yet so nervous it makes you forget all the things that once mattered

When I say your name I have to make sure not to smile too big

You’re not the kind I'll get over, You’re the kind that in time my mind puts away so I can carry on

Everyday there is something I want to share with you

Put my hands on you so you can feel this nervous excitment that claims me everytime

There is no chance of finding another like you

Finally writing for someone who’s worth every single word but it’s the same **** story

So I’ll Show you the ways that I’ve deemed to personal for anyone to know

With my hands on you.. you may just come to find no one holds you as high as I do

You’re not the kind you get over, you’re the one I’ll always remember

Of All the Smiles that I have Caught,
Yours is The One I want to Keep.
Of All the Hands that I could Hold,
Yours are the ones to Fit in Mine.
Of All the Arms that could Comfort Me,
Yours is the Embrace that Feels like Home.
Of All the Souls that could be Mine,
I Found yours to Complete My Own.

I Steal more Time and Run with it like a clever Thief
Try and define that Sting
It’s called Guilt
You are not mine but I Steal you from time to time
I can’t stand to think of you as a Barrow

Stop cutting yourself so much Slack
You’re Right there is something Wrong here
Looking around to toss the blame in the opposite direction
Turn around and catch your elusive reflection
You are the Only one bringing you Down

I steal more of your time
But you Don’t feel the same at all
Your hands still move like they use to
Your mouth keeps missing mine on purpose
More Proof that I really am Stealing time

How can something I want so bad feel Criminal once in my hands
I was meant to meet you but we are not meant to be
You may not have helped my heart but I grew in other ways
I wasn’t working right on my own
I Won’t regret you Today

Why do I feel this way for You
These feelings have No Legs to Stand on
I can’t help but be confused
You are all over my thoughts
I can’t lose you even in my sleep

I believe more than ever that chemicals are making an example of me

Control
I  Lost the definition of this word among the Distractions and Pressure
That you Put On Me
That felt like Affection at the time

These are not Tears of Longing
They are Tears of Frustration

If I could Extract you from my mind with my bare hands I would

I want to Wake with out you on my Mind
I want to Think with out you in my Thoughts
I want to Dream with out you in my Subconscious

For Now all I can do is Wait
For the Day when Your Name will remind me of Someone Else

I Didn’t catch your new girl’s name

And you didn’t feel the need to bring her up much



She must not be enough 

Because You still need My Eyes on You, While I sit on my hands



It would be better to keep my Distance

But who can take their own Advise



She showed me where I stand with you

But you still need My Eyes on You



We were friends First

But I can’t forget our time spent alone



Sometimes to know exactly where you stand doesn’t bring Clarity

I can feel me losing my grip 

I want you

But is my intent to even keep you?

I try and not make it too obivious but I’m doing too well of a job
I found I’ve bulit a line between us
Lets blur this line
I must be deprived of good conversation, you seem to ignore what we have between us with out a second glance
I dressed up for you did you even notice? I thought I caught your eye the last time I wore this dress with this smile
I catch your glance as you pass
I grow tired of these glances and want a full on look
I can’t stand to waste your smiles so I keep them in me all day
Your laugh could fill a stadium, I’m dying to keep it that way
Your eyes put mine to shame but I wouldn’t have it any other way
I don’t want to spell it out
I want you to find me on your own
I fear this want will turn into a need
I’m scared you may be too good for me

I slide my ticket stub in my pocket
To find a seat in the dimly lit room, with you at my back
You Grab my hand while the picture changes before my eyes
Why did you ****** my hand with such Haste?
Why did you hold it at all?

You seem to study my finger tips with yours
I Lose concentration on something four times my size
The sound is all around me but all I can hear is the thoughts rushing in circles
Taking in this Attention only to mistake it for Affection
I take your hand in mine to scratch at your palm and run up your arm to where it bends
You react just like I hope you would
I feel you relax into me

The colors on the screen are bright but I’m blinded by the colors coming off you
Hypnotized, I memorize the bones in your hands
Wishing this movie will last just a bit longer
But we pasted the ****** moments ago
I worry when the lights come on you’ll let go

The lights are up
Names of People I could care less about disappear up to the top of the screen
I let your hand go First, to Beat you to it

To my surprise You catch me and draw me in to your side
To watch the other show of people filing out one by one

To My Catalyst,
Your Tests worked too well.
Though you didn't invent this you perfected it on me.
I couldn’t have know then and there all the hurt that was Next.
My chemical reaction was all alone.
Did You mean it to End this way?
For You to never feel the Effects?

You, I could never have changed.

A Hopeless attempt on my part.
I can't Regret you just yet but,
I can’t believe the road to my surrender was paved with good intentions.
Still I step away Hoping you will follow...

I won’t Sacrifice one Love for Another
So I’ll keep this Almost comfortable Distance For Your Sake
Safe and almost Sorry
Sorry for the Ache in your Chest that won’t be fixed  

I Try and Help you Heal
But You just Can't seem to stay Away from him

I’ll Alter what was once mine for a Chance for You to Breath

Wake to the ugly truth that smothers out all the thoughts in my head
They’ll never get the chance to run
I’ll never know what He really Feels like

I can’t take that risk
I won’t waste my chance
I’ll save it for My next Life

I may die before this Story Ends but I know how it will End

Wipe that Shock off your Face
No one has truly Surprised you in Years
So She may Never Learn
I watch her Repeat a Mistake, That may Sting Later

Those Eyes that I am Tired of Seeing
They only Change with that Tricky Liquid

I Stop Making Eye Contact
I Can’t Stop Her
And I Shouldn’t Have to

I’ll Squeeze An Apology out of you later
I Feel it come up Short

I try and Force myself to Forgive and Pretend to Forget

I Can’t seem to remember all the Exact reasons why I Love You
But I Hope I Do

Dissipation from the Past is all I can really Hope For

You make me feel Guilty for Something you have never Accused me of

It’s not enough the Memories I hold

The Feelings that Brake my Chest Open Don’t Translate outside my mind
I make them seem so untouchable
Too Personal to let out
Because I am ashamed of what I feel and of how Long it’s been going on

It won’t Rest if I Don’t let it Die

I can’t let go
On the Verge of Seeking Religious Help
Since you wouldn’t understand if I asked for your Forgiveness

Regret so Deep it makes me sick  
Distracts from what is placed in front of me
I’ve Brought myself here
Time to Stay and Bare it
Learn from what you Can’t Change
Change what you Can’t Learn from

Your Obsession with Lies Come from in You

You find it Easy

Your Victims Seem Not to Mind they come back for MORE
But You’re Braking them inside
Two More Hearts Plus your Last Breaths
You’ll find yourself in Hell

Brake the Pretty
Wound the ones that Won’t Believe your Every Word
I’m Scared for your Karmic Future
You should be Fearful Too
Braking Girls like you do
Maybe if you Didn’t Feel so Justified you’d Know Exactly what I’m Saying

Clutch at your Throat but It’s no use
You will need to Swallow harder than that to get this Down
You act like you have Never Broken a Single Thing
I see it behind Those Perfect Reflective Eyes
Someone has Broken you Back, Returned the Favor

I know Better
You may Never Learn a Single Thing

I sit back on Pins and Needles
Waiting to see you Catch on
If you are so Clever Catch on
Quick...

Always on the search for truth
I Hide from it’s Face now and for the first time
Because Ignorance is Bliss

I wouldn’t dream of editing you
And am Glad you Found someone to talk to
But every now and then I wish it wasn’t me

I know you well enough now to see you won’t be falling for me
You won’t be listening for my Heart Beat

The Formers
You’ve divulged these secrets to me

Open as a book
I’ll bend the spine to make my crease clear and visible
There is one who’s left a lurking Impression
I get to see the stains
They won’t wash out

I think it’s too late
I wouldn’t have been enough
Enough to make Taintless the mess they’ve left behind
Lets pretend that I’m ignorant to what You and I both know

If I close a Door I want You on the other side with me
If I close my eyes I want your light to shine through my eye lids

When I Grit my teeth and pull away will it keep you away Forever

I can’t kiss away Suspicion
I won’t in brace Distrust
With a Reputation like that
You’ll be sure to brake something I can’t replace

When my Conscience evaporates from this Heat
I find our simple situation controlled by complex chemicals

All the things you just don’t understand
They just slip through your sneaky fingers
and I will too

As she crouches over the pray she never had the courage to catch
Watch for emotion in her overflowing eyes

Heat Radiates from her Face with ache of unfulfilled wants
She Waits...

Too Much left to keep inside it feels weightless in her vacant chest
Cold covers every part
The temperature comes from within the Monster
She Waits..

Afraid to find her own reflection
To Show those shiny Green Eyes
Has she turned already, Is her Fate still in everyone else's Hands?
A Monster that has been Breading in her veins
She Waits..

It's my Secret to tell
It's my very own Hell to hold inside
To make into something else
To never fully let Die
If I am the only one who knows the truth am I safe from it?
It seems like only yesterday
You gave me something to keep from Everyone
If it was out, Would I have half of what you once had
It's my Secret to tell  
I almost hold what you had, completely

I try and listen to comfort you
I hear you say things that I have only told one Soul
You Pull at my Seams
I reach for you
Hugging you this way makes me feel the Guilt
Waiting to be Caught
I listen for the door
While I lose my control
I let a Free hand bring you in
You feel warm
Your body moves to mirror my shape to a perfect fit
Your hands move to the smallest part of my waist
I let you run your hands further down
I still can't shake the Guilt
So much so that an apology follows my retreat
You say things that should be in movies
20 feet high on a screen
I want to give in
I feel your hands and then your arms are once again around me
You pull me in
You're Pulling at my Seams
You ask for my lips
I can only say no, As I shake my head
I try to shake the last minute or two loose from my mind
You close the distance between us
And suddenly I don't want to fight it any more

What a fool
I knew it then and there
I could feel it through your lips
I herd it in your stagnant heart beat
While mine pounded away
filling the room to the top
I had been resisting so long
I am only human
I couldn’t push your hands away
I put them on me
Because your mind had already been there
I won’t know the full worth till I see your face again
If I get that same look out of you then I’ll know
I’ll know what that really costed me
Was it worth it
I use to think so
Till now

I won’t escape you
With my eyes on you I could burn a hole straight through
Your body on mine, it pierces holes through my rationality
If your hands felt like a joke on me I could run away fast
but they don’t seem to find an unfimilar spot on me
I won’t escape you
I can’t find a way to ignore that you’re at my finger tips
I think I should have got an escape plan upon meeting you
you won’t be thinking of me at a time or two through out your day
so many more tempting thoughts at your minds window
I won’t escape you
I’ll just be an afterthought when they don’t have you in mind, After
My finger tips mean it when they brush across your face
My only fear is that you realized it and tossed my touch away
With a loaded promise I hold you at arms reach
I won’t escape you
Pierce three more holes through my Rationality
I’ll welcome ‘em all with a unwilling smile
Your hands can’t find an unfamiliar spot on me
With an unforfilled daydream at the edge of my mind
I won’t escape you