Battling this whirlwind of emotions.
Of a madness of so many years.
So much pain.
Such remembrance.
A smile turns quick into anguish.
So much strength pulling me forward.
Yet I am so weak.
So worn.
It is time.
To see the light
Free my self from the brick wall.
See that light beyond it.
Gentle persuasion pushes me there.
Fear is still there.
I push through it.
I choose to be free now.
I have chosen forgiveness.

Tiny hole inside my heart.
Feels so black.
Not pure and red.
Once was gaping.
So hard to hide.
To mend.
Overflowing with tears.
So hard to comprehend.
Tried to mend.
Layer after layer.
Becoming tattered.
It's closing now.
Time healing all wounds.
Black hole so old and faded.
Once large and gaping.
Memories fade inside our heart.
All that's left is a tiny black hole.
And scar tissue.

Tiny hole inside my heart.
Feels so black.
Not pure and red.
Once was gaping.
So hard to hide.
To mend.
Overflowing with tears.
So hard to comprehend.
Tried to mend.
Layer after layer.
Becoming tattered.
It's closing now.
Time healing all wounds.
Black hole so old and faded.
Once large and gaping.
Memories fade inside our heart.
All that's left is a tiny black hole.
And scar tissue.

I wait on the pier.
I have yet to see you in the distance.
So quiet.
Just slight ripples of water.
I can hear my own heartbeat.
Breath.
Pounding.
Racing.
You are like a ghost in the distance.
An apparition.
You appear out of nowhere .
I have kissed many.
But not you.
I feel your breath from a distance.
Yet you are so far.
I feel the heat of your body now.
It is intense.
Not physical heat.
Passion.
Makes me dizzy.
Spins me.
Who are you.
I want to kiss you forever.
I have never known this taste.
No words to describe it.
Like nothing else.
Like nothing before.
Passion.
A comfort
Fits
Not the physical fit.
The emotional
The spiritual
My head still spins
I want this forever.
Be my forever.

Silly little girls of youth.
With their perky little perfect *******.
Narrow hips and smooth skin.
They look in the mirror and see all their insecurities.
Fantasies about all their lovers to come.
They brag to their friends and feel nothing inside.
But we are the pleasure seekers.
Creatures of seduction.
We brag to our lover
How they race our mind with desire
Turn our lust into reality
Slow our hearts into love.
We are the pleasure seekers.
Our bodies are full and ripe.
We are women
No silliness
Pure honesty
No hidden agenda
Here for pleasure
Not for heartache or pain
No facade of who we aren't
We are the pleasure seekers.
Not needing affirmation in the mirror
The mirror shines back our reflection
Of beauty
Lines only we see
The pleasure is not all ours but our lovers'.
Physical looks not of importance
Its a spiritual existence now
Out of our body of imperfection
Only our lover sees the perfection
We are the pleasure seekers.
We are the women of lovers.

My tears are salty.
They sting my face.
Blur my vision.
I close my eyes and think of the ocean
It is flat
I try to see to the other side.
I cannot.it is endless.
I close my eyes and I see the sand.
Each grain blowing.
I try to see to the other side
I cannot..it is endless.
My thoughts are circling.
Like a pen on a Spirograph.
Circling.I try to stop.
It is endless.
I want them to see my smile.
And remember me.
I want them to remember my mind.
It is brilliant.
I want them to remember my laughter.
It is infectious
I want them to remember my love for them.
It is pure.
My pain is real.
Hurts so much
I want to surrender.
My eyes are closed.
But tears still blur my vision
I am not afraid.
I want them to know
I am not afraid.
I wish I could see beyond to the other side.
My arms are open.
And I am not afraid.
Please remember
I will fly forever.