You approached me in a dream
illuminated, with eyes glassy and wide
you told me we were meant to be together
and even in a dream it was hard to decline.
After dismissing your request
I saw the angry eyes
piercing with fury,
confusion;
eyes small as slits,
But then came the tears.
Welling up inside and bursting
with passion
at the seams of your eyelids.
Although I could not bear
to see you cry;
to see you scared and pained
with psychosis,
even in a dream
I knew
I could never
take
you
back.

cervical cancer
ovarian cyst
open your mouth
here's my fist
stomach ulcer
an inflammation disease
got pneumonia
from just a sneeze
inflamed pelvis
stomach cancer
shut the **** up
you don't know the answer
heart attack
blood clots
watch me as
my insides rot
my brain thinks
I've had every disease
but its funny
i've never had any of these

my self has two parts
each illuminated with the essence of right
or wrong
my instincts are corrupted by emotion
my thoughts spiral in and out of my mind
each a lyric with its own tune
but the song lacks actual melody.

Softly, slowly, drifting away
out of my body to some other place
a fantasy I only know exists
in the depths of my confused song.

glassy eyed and lacking breath
i shake away
a pencil in hand
writing nothing but words
that may or may not
have any meaning
to the overall sound
of the world's symphony.

You came to me once
In a dream of my childhood
Barbie and Ken, walking together
They would dance like puppets
Their fate my control
I would dream and wish to be like Barbie
Beautiful, and loved.
My biggest dream, to go to prom with the man of my dreams.
I left barbie in the abyss, still dreaming to become her
To be loved by people, to be cherished, and to find my Ken
But it didn't work exactly as I hoped.
I found a Ken, but this Ken was a girl, Kendal.
and with confusion and some doubt I stayed with her
Through what could have been love, yet could have been fear
I rode through the waves, and stayed for three years
I never did end up going to prom with a boy of my dreams
I went with a girl in a dress, which people mistook for my friend,
with the thought that I would never actually find a date.
One day she finally mustered up the courage to let me free from her sea
I was alone, but alone was okay
I was free from the ties that had traveled with me through my teens.
Only a month back at college and the same thing happened again
A girl, and her soft nature pursued me
And that soft and recognized feeling, I could not refuse
And again, here I am
Unsure of what I want
Still with the fantasy of finding my dream boy
But maybe no boy will love me the way I wish for him to.
Maybe I am defective in his eyes, or lost
Or maybe I am just scared to leave such a comfortable presence...
That of a woman.
Are you a lesbian?
Never ask me that question.
You will never understand my thoughts
You will never set a label on me
And you are an ignorant *******
You can't approach me because you think I'm gay?
Then *******.
Go live in some ****** up world where everything has a label
Where no abstract concepts exist and you will perish under the tree labeled "forbidden fruit"
It will go into flames and you will perish not through fire
But at the thought of me.
Maybe I AM afraid
Maybe I don't KNOW what I want.
And maybe I'm a little insecure
But one thing I do know is that one day I will muster up courage
I will believe that people will not leave me
And I will have trust in men again
And I will stop being confused
And you will ALL see.
And no matter what I choose, It is MY decision
Not the worlds decision
Not fates decision
Not the governments decision
Not my friends' decisions
Not any man in the WORLD's decision
But Mine.
So good luck placing me in a category I don't belong in
Good luck racing to conclusions and underestimating my worth
Because I will find the missing key to my soul one day

I always tell you that in my eyes,
your face is shaped like an hour glass.
It is only a small amount of time,
just one last drop of sand
before you make me feel calm.
Like the world is suddenly safe,
and in your arms i can be me,
without the baggage of worry and fear
that i carry with me throughout my days.
Your sweet skin is soft, and smells like the wax of a candle.
When you enter a room, I look beside me for something
Why didn't I get any flowers?
Where is my box of chocolates for you?
You mesmerize me, baby.
You have me wrapped up in your serenity,
in your loving and docile nature,
and your sweet ability to lull me to sleep.
You whisper in my ear and i hear the sound of the ocean,
peace and quiet.
The seagulls silently float on the edges of the water
and your voice is the soft and carefree wind.
My heart is open, and ready for you
and it wants nothing more than for you to stay.
So for every today's tomorrow,
And for each wave that foams beautifully on the sand,
I love you.

They said that the forecast is for rain,
and that I should carry an umbrella.
I should be prepared for the strongest of storms,
keeping my body completely safe and dry.
I used to always carry my umbrella,
rain or shine I kept it close.
I would travel one hundred miles just to stay dry,
perhaps to the desert, farthest away from the sorrows of the rain.
But then I realized the rays of the sun,
beating deep and painful on my bare skin.
With each lovely beam comes the silent burning of flesh.
Did I forget that my umbrella could protect me from the sun's rays?
And thats when I realized, I could handle anything.

Here's to the women who have been let down;
touched or pushed too hard
broken lockets, broken hearts
the empty feeling of loneliness
as if we are an empty vase
we shine in the light
yet we are hollow with doubt
with past fears,
have you ever tried to break a vase with your hands?
fragile, yet sharp
eager to bear blood
not a lot, but just enough
but unlike a vase, we can be fixed
we can piece together our existence
like a puzzle
for the woman who cried herself to sleep
for the woman who was betrayed
for the woman who felt like a shattered vase
here's to you
here's to her.