Yet again here I am standing, staring at my own two feet
As you disappear
And I slowly fade away
What is easiest for you is to always drive into the distance
leaving your problems at the doorway
leaving me to stand here in a puddle of my own insecurities
You say you want me to tell you how I feel
What we had was never just friendship
You cant erase the past no matter how hard you try
to create a clean slate
Underneath it all is the reminisce and resin of what used to be
What is reality can only be covered up so much
before the past rears its ugly head again
chains that will never be broken distance us
Yet keep us from removing each other out of our lives completely
I will forever be chained to my thoughts of you
You feel the same way too
Except with you, you don't always want to need me
You need me when your life and your thoughts are spinning out of control
And the only strand of security and stability you had in your life was me
I was your backbone for so long until you outgrew me
You no longer needed me to stand tall
But when life decides to throw a hard ball
You decide you need me back again
But i'm not just a backbone anymore
Why did you call me so many times just needing to hear my voice?
Only to make yourself realize
that even though your life is falling into the quicksand
here i am.
My confidence is lagging
Here I am standing starring at my own two feet
Yet again
The longer I stare
the more foreign they seem
They no longer feel attached to my body
Are they truly part of me
Or will they one day simply stop holding me up
Will they let me fall, head first into this Earth, no turning back?
Will they simply slip from underneath me
letting me fall
unnoticed and weak.
Betrayed by my own two feet.

The wings of time fly faster than you think
She sits on her bed
Her only companions have wagging tails
She sits at her desk, trying to love what she does
But she can only pretend for so long
Watching her makes me sad
I want to make everything for her okay
I want to make her happy
How can one be stuck somewhere
In a country home
With nobody
Soundless, speechless house
Creaking sounds of the attic, maximized tenfold
She waits for a call
Or for a reason to leave
Does the dog need a sweater?
Do I need to buy the groceries?
What’s next?
She’s the one who got me through it all
The one who’s there when my life has dissolved
My mother.

Three insecure bodies fight each other for the security of only one thing.
One body.
One enjoyment.
I **** it all up. I never know what I want.
******* sleep forever.
******* wound opened and fresh for the world to puncture yet again.
The face of an hour glass.
The forceful push of his body as im slammed against the bedpost.
The drunken slurs, the silent words.
Unexciting, weak, unbearable.
Afterwards my body aches.
I survey the space.
What have I done?
Nothing but pure proof of his intentions.
Nothing but going back to where I started from.
Nothing but sitting on a pile of who knows what, in who knows where, with nothing to do but nothing.
I’m on my own,
ive come undone.
Its too late to try and bring me back to earths surface.
Im already destroyed on the inside.
He can’t say sorry
He’s already done enough.
But I tell him its okay;
three men in a room
one unnoticed me
one soul seeping its way through the mattress

Standing at the shoreline
Its like I’m freezing for the first time
Drizzles touch my body and melt my soul
This oceans completely out of control

There’s no stopping these waves
The winds been howlin’ like this for days
So get off your feet and look outside
And ill be standing there throwing pebbles at the shoreline

Without a towel, I dive right in
I feel a new life start to begin
Right behind me, dive in? you’re torn
I’ll catch you right before the storm

Together the Earth swallows us
My soul was picking up dust
You came along and made things new
The oceans never seemed so blue

Leave the shoreline before the rain
Don’t forget the day we came
Always remember, even on dry land
The girl who was always your greatest fan

I wonder why you left me so abruptly
One day you are there
The next you are gone forever
slumber though the day
sleep my life away
thoughts run through my mind that make me seem crazy
footprints left in the depths of my life
suddenly exit sharp as a knife
leaving but a single wound
leading the way for more to come

thoughts spiraling
overwhelmed with feelings like never before
as if without you the world is meaningless, and cold
but still, the seasons change and summer arrives
the word continues to spin on; without you here
but my heart will be forever wounded
a part of me will always love you
And a part of me will never understand
but here I am facing the world alone
without you by my side
and everything's alright

He walks out of the cab
Hands in his pockets and he looks at me
Something inside him causes a scream
His red eyes beam in my direction
I stand still; silent
I imaging the crack throbbing though his veins
He looks at the ground
He looks at his wife without making a sound

His 11-year-old son sits quietly on the stairwell
The man walks right by him, without even a glance
The monster inside him begins to give way
He wishes he were sober
He remembers leaving his son stranded in the driveway
He decides his life will soon be over

There she sits, standing and looking into my eyes
Her little brother close behind
Thoughts exploding through her mind
She wishes he were sober
She can't run from her thoughts
Her spirit starts to rot
And anger takes its place
She knows his time is ticking

Holding back tears
It's time to say goodbye
It’s time to let go
I let out a sigh
And I realize the fight is over
He will never be sober

On the bed in my dorm room
I sit alone and contemplate
Where am I going to end up?
And the answer is “here”
I look back and think about where I was
I remember holding the paws of my big red dog
Rolling around in our big backyard
And picking lollipops from under the swing set
I remember running through the woods
To the little wooden house
I would climb to the top
Getting splinters on the way up
And I would sit for a second
Which seemed like forever
And then I would run home
I remember all the treasures from the woods
A stature of a young boy in a pile of leaves
A letter that we never received
But I did
I remember the dandelions
Lining the edge of the woods as if guarding it
And I remember them closing their buds at night
I remember picking them, with no knowledge that they were simply weeds
I remember the day my dog ran away
Throwing cloths out of my drawers
Screaming his name at the top of my lungs
My heart beating out of my chest
Until my Dad brought him home, safe and sound
I remember, then, contemplating his death
I decided he would die when I entered high school
But I also decided that high school would never happen
So my big red dog and I would play forever
But I still had to protect him
And keep him safe
He would come with us everywhere
Even to the big house
I remember the long car rides
The soothing sound of what I later learned was the blinker
That lulled me to sleep
And my big red dog would sleep too
And in my dreams, I dreamt about growing up
So right now, here I sit
Asking myself where I will end up
Well I ended up “here” didn’t I?
And that’s when I realized
Everything will be fine.