A shocking hole to the heart
A scar that can temporarily re-open
Especially after hearing your voice
Take your pain out on me
Lash me until I’m dust on the sidewalk
Crumbling where I stand in-between the parking lines
The phone shaking out of my hands
Now taken into the force of gravity
Its time to make one last swing
I’ve surrendered, its over, I’m done.
Beat me until I’m unnoticed
Back to the ground where I came from
Torture my being with your words

Standing on the side lines
Watching myself walk away
A spark went off
A decision made
Without a doubt in my mind
And without turning back
As I walk towards the office I see myself
But I walk through the eyes of a child
Walking though the doors of an elevator
Pushing his wheelchair, heavy as it seemed
The click of the wheels as they rolled over the metal
The silence as we both exist
Then the screams when the elevator comes to a stop
His flailing arms and my blurry vision
Indicating a sudden onset of panic in my mind
Banging his hands on the tray attached to his chair
I can barely see his face looking at me
He is trying to tell me something
Slowly he reaches for the panel
He touches the open button
We are free
His name was Joseph
Trapped in a body that constantly betrayed him
Communication impossible
Yet he knew
And I knew he was there
My mind started to betray me
And he was there for me
Just like I was always there for him
Fast forward, 12 years later
I remember him
And I remember the people with special needs
And how each and every one has touched my life
I continue to walk
I sign my name
Its time for a new beginning.

I only know what I know
I only see what I see
What I don’t see doesn’t exist
I see the world thought my eyes, through me

Betrayed by my world
I wonder aimlessly for answers
Realizing my life is not what it seems
7 months of lies

What else is a lie?
My word is simply an illusion
My life is living though the eyes of the unnoticed
My surroundings blend in
And I cant help but pass by things that may have been worth while

My head is heavy
Filled with thoughts that crowd the filing system in my brain
This cabinet is temporarily out of order
Thanks and come again

Or don’t.

A small yellow puff sits silently

In a never ending landscape of dandelions

Silence can speak wonders

But only to the ones who want to listen

As the dirt shifts beneath our bare feet

We step through the part of untrimmed lawn

Each step we take makes an imprint on the world

The grass flattened beneath us


In this open field of possibilities

I can only keep my eyes on this single yellow puff

At night it closes its eyes to the world

At dawn it opens to the rays of the sun

Brilliant, yellow, vibrant

Yet only a simple ****

My heads heavy and weighs down my body
My brain sloshes around inside my skull
I can’t feel my feet hit the hard surface of the hallway
An alternate universe surrounds me and I’m alien
My perception of my world has changed and I am alone
The angle that I view nobody else can see
My body continues to betray me
Eventually so do my thoughts
Pins and needles spiral around my head
I can’t make my feet move
Gravity has decided to betray me
I pretend that I’m okay
In reality my world is spinning away
I can only see a glimpse of reality in the distance
So far away that I’m afraid my sanity will slip from me
I’m shifted from the world
I’m out of place
My head spins faster than ever before
Who can I tell?
Who can I trust?
Who will understand?
And I can’t control it
I’m being betrayed by my own body and my own mind
I try to call for help but I’m at a loss for words
I can’t speak
I can’t think
I’m not me.
I will fall off the edge of the world unnoticed.
I stare into my own eyes in the mirror
This isn’t me anymore.
Panic Disorder.

Perhaps we will be allowed to stay
To sink our feet into the mud
And watch it sink between our toes
The frisk wind cold on our exposed bodies
The light from the moon dances on the ripples of the lake
We hold hands and jump feet first off of the dock
And we are submerged into the freedom
Soaking wet, sitting in the back seat of the car
We watch the moon become the sun
And at that moment, I realize I exist

Sirens and Flashing Lights
Adrenalin rush
Fight or flight
Families hysterical
A life in my hands
Emotions unbearable
Death starts where I stand
Elderly man in a diaper
Once healthy and wise
Now nearly deceased
En route he may die
The road starts to shake
The ambulance makes way
Not much more he can take
I shock him right away
His vocals make sound
Which I Mistaken for life
His pulse barely there
I imagine his wife
She Watches her Husband
At the end of his race
Tears start to fall down
Her panic-stricken face
We arrive at the hospital
He is seconds from death
Watching the wise man go
I will never forget