The word love,
Isn't even big enough.

There aren't enough stars,
enough sky-
Or even enough space between circulating planets
to desribe how much I love you.

You couldn't count the seconds that I've waited,
The lifetimes that I've lived,
Searching for something bigger than love.
No weight could ever tip this scale-
There isn't a stage big enough,
Or a mountain high enough
to proclaim my feelings for you.

Words just aren't sweet enough and
syllables get mixed up like a foreign language...
A distinguished poem or bestselling novel
would still leave me empty
and looking
For the right word.

No fight could ever be won-
because I am forever in your favor
with a word greater than love,
For my two sons.

running miles
barefoot,
desperation pleading,
feet bleeding,
as i anxiously seek
salvation.

solid stance,
taking a chance
as i hold onto
what i believe in.

it's the difference
of who i thought i was
versus
who i truly am.

thank god
this
runaway
learned
how
to
stand.

Mix a little bit of city lights,
You know-
the ones that shine amidst the fog
leaving traces of sparkling stars
While busy cars create a dancing scene
amongst a stage of black pavement;

Take that moment and
swirl in a perfectly pastel,
left open like a door-
blazing in the breeze
country sky.
Colors that are so perfect
you'll wonder who choose them,
And how they learned
to create a masterpiece like that-

Gently mix those two together and
You got something pretty intense
But to get the perfect inspiration
You have to make it a little more dense.

Mix a little bit of snuggle,
The kind that combines heartbeats,
while wrapping you up like a blanket
who's fuzziness
leaves you feeling warm
like a cabin fire
Warm like your hearts desire,
Warm and wanting more-

And a dab of midnight kisses-
The ones that
have you tasting sweet breath for hours,
The kind of kiss that can't go sour-
The kisses that make your toes curl,
your head whirl;

Allow to sit for lifetimes,
Simmering on happy thoughts
Bubbling with laughter that you can see
While slowly turning a perfect golden brown
A love once lost but may be found-

A recipe for inspiration.

I've been shown through heartbreak-
What love is...
I've been told that love
was something that took care of me,
physically,
while tearing me apart,
emotionally.

My whole life I've been cast aside-
A mother that didn't raise me,
A father who tried his damnedest-

I've been reminded
by full force pushes to the face,
holidays alone without my family,
Siblings who choose drugs over relationships,
But even still, I learned what love was.

Love isn't a fairy tale,
or a "perfect" family,
Love isn't every holiday
with those you wish to spend it with...

Love
is the strength you have to keep going,
Love
Is the one word that someone speaks to encourage you
Love
Supports all your dreams even if they don't happen
Love
Is indeed patient and of course it's kind-

But love is putting yourself first
when you wanna put the whole world before you-
Love is thankfulness,
Love is forgiving with a reason to understand,
Over and over again...

Love is a four letter word
that contains thirteen letters...
UNCONDITIONAL.
Sometimes,
It's a phrase that gets used too often:
It's a feeling that gets shoved in your face
when you do something wrong-
But these,
Are the wrong ways to use love.

Love should be used every morning on your way out the door,
Love should be reflected when you look in the mirror-
Love is the reminder that dark days will come-
But the days past that are even brighter.

Love, is unconditional.

I picked you up off the street
The same clothes you'd been wearing for weeks
Sadness disguised where darkness creeps-
Your madness had gotten the best of you.

"I've seen you worse!"
I exclaimed
As I looked into your eyes
You lowered your head and began to weep
Filled with guilt from your urge to get high

We took you back to a safe place
and sat down to eat dinner
I did my best to lift your spirits,
But your heart still rages as a sinner.

"You can do this!"
I barked
As you scarfed down all your food
But you didn't care
all you could do was stare
at a negative attitude.

"Was there ever a great General
who gave up a battle to win the war?"
I began my research quickly
as my heart sank to the floor

I was grasping for inspiration
Hoping and praying the whole way through-
That you would wave your own white flag
And not let this addiction beat you.

Your in a war
Fighting for your life
So hold your anchor
and raise your flag-
Give yourself a chance to fight.

A movie stuck on repeat,
A sad scene playing over and over-
The ****** weapon revealed
without a suspect in sight.

Sometimes,
I can feel it...
The in-between.
The middle of what's real,
and what's not.
The moment
when all your desires comes true.
It's the second when it all collides,
like a meteor to the earth-
like the spring to the fall.
It's the moment
when everything's perfect...
Finally
you can feel a longing embrace,
suddenly know what it's like
to see things from a different perspective.
It's the moment
when it all crashes together...
All your wants and desires
finally
meet in the middle
with reality-
the moment when you wake up breathing-
heart pounding,
body sweating...
A moment when you question
what's real
and what isn't.
It's the moment in your life
when everything is silent-
But it all makes sense,
The moment when you realize-
it was only a dream
But it was perfect...

If only we could live
the in-between
The moment when we're not afraid to fly
or
love the person we are quiet about...
It's the moment when you survive the fall
to realize it didn't **** you, anyway.
All of this happens
In a moment when it all comes together-
A moment of perfect collision,
It was just a dream.

I've died from cancer
at least three times
Convincing myself that I was so sick
without a single diagnoses
based on half conscious google readings
symptom checkers,
and of course
the way I was really feeling.

I've actually mourned my own life,
planned it out,
dreamt about it in the midst of a nightmare
imagined what everyone would do without me-

I thought about how beautiful
a slow goodbye would be,
I've convinced myself I felt bad
on days that I had a chance to feel good
And now I live the in between
In hopes to rid myself of this torture.
.
this is my sickness-
believing that I can die more than once
and ruining my life over the fact that
we do
indeed
disappear
from
our
physical
bodies.

I can write a thousand words
And can't get the point across-
It's almost impossible
to keep up with my thoughts
of you.

through time he travels
leaving the past unraveled
into the layers
between darkness and light
grasping for anything
that may feel right

he's trapped between what was
and what soon will be
he hopes for someone
to open up and see
that no matter how present he may seem
no matter how beautiful a dream
he's a time traveler
and to him,
nothing is how it seems.

Sad it is;
that sometimes,
The hardest thing you'll ever do-
Is the best thing you had ever done.

It's true...
I divide myself
into teeny tiny pieces,
leaving behind
important bits-
that
cause a glitch
with the rhythm
of my heart.

Wish
       Wash
Clash

Wish
       Wash
Clash

I
    Left
A
    Part
Of
       Myself
At
The
    Laundry
         Mat.

I
wanna
love a reader-
Probably
because I'm a writer?
Or
maybe
because
the silence
that a person spends
with themselves
to sit down
and learn something new
is super **** to me.

There ain't nothing
like an old fashion piece
of literature-
something that can
paint
your imagination
a thousand
different colors
by the power of a few words.

What's more
beautiful
than a writer
loving
a
reader?

A
reader
loving
a
writer...
while leaving
the inspiration
for new thoughts.

my nose is the pointer
as i explore your skin;
like
fingertips
on a brand new piece of paper...

the trace of skin on skin
forces breath to speed
as my lips search for their final resting place.

being an optimist
means living with the door open-
waiting for someone to walk in your life
with a bouquet of a thousand balloons,
take you by the hand
and lead you on your next adventure.

being an optimist
means getting back up
after your teeth have been kicked in,
knowing that there had to be a plan
for your new toothless smile
and so-
you smile anyway.

being an optimist
means holding onto hope
when devastation strikes
grasping the ideas that this,
is only temporary-
while your life...
is permanent.

optimism is about
looking up
when the world
wants you to look down-
finding laughter
in the things that make you sad-
and kicking ***
at everything
that walks through your door.

she writes letters
in different colored ink-
it's the same line
after line-
and each time
i'm selfishly saturated
with sadness.

if only my feelings could change-
like the ink
on the pages
that separates us,
but who am I kidding?

...we've always been seperate.

So,
I'm a little unrealistic.
I put the word brave-
in everything.
If there isn't a reason for it,
I'll create one.

I'll hike to the top of a mountain
and imagine for a moment
that the world is okay...
and that somehow,
that climb
just changed it.

I'm the girl who will iron your pants before work,
Pack your lunch-
And write you a letter that's cute enough for grade school-
Complete with a nickname.

I'm the shower that never runs out of hot water...
Cause the second you feel it getting cold-
I'll give you another reason to feel warm
and teach you that beauty is more than what meets the eye...

Beauty-
Is what meets the skin-
The feelings,
The emotions,
The breath on breath...
The cuddle that gets close to your heart
and the laughter that you hear with your eyes.
The love that I am ready for...
But,
I'm a little unrealistic.

Awkward would be the word to describe me...
Around you.

And I don't mean physically,
around you...
Like two bodies intertwined.
I mean emotionally...
I am emotionally wrapped around you.
Like a reader to a page turning  novel
a singer to their next note,
All of these things float-
On my awkwardness of you.

It feels like snow in the summertime
A funeral on your birthday-
The moment when you're afraid to let go
But yet,
You have a reason to celebrate.

It feels so right
And yet so very wrong
Something that makes you question everything
And God only knows I question everything.

I've never been so awkward-
I feel like a boy who hasn't grown into his arms-
Like a swimming pool that sits without water,
Kind of like the circle yes-or-no thing.

I guess if awkward is what I'll have to be
Is it fair to say I'm growing?
These feelings are unfamiliar
I know who I am-
But maybe this,
Is who I'm supposed to be...

I'm
caught
between
my
dreams
and
my
reality-
A
scary
place...

My
fears
are
my
only
enemy

"Be
afraid"
It
says,
as
I
lie
awake
in
bed-

"Be
worried"
It
repeats,

Not
sure
if
I
believe
that
fear
is
something
we
should
keep-

No
matter
how
many
times
it
repeats.

The kind of love
a butterfly feels
as she opens her wings to fly,
for the very first time-
after making the climb;
as caterpillar.

I'd imagine
in that moment-
She is thankful...

I wanna love like that.

Kind of ironic
it's the symbol that connects us
Two beating hearts, two different lives
And only our dreams left to unite us

Born together by the same mother and father
Fighting their battles as son and daughter
Never would've imagined this is where we'd be
Living as two siblings connected spiritually-
By a symbol.

My eighteenth birthday
A random surprise
Life brought us together to be eternally recognized
As the alpha and omega.

We really didn't know the roads of life
We didn't plan for heartbreak and strife
Life left you desperate gripping drugs and knives
Left me broken hearted as some bodies wife
Never the same
Always a different battle
But together we shake the world
We make men and women rattle-
People believe in us-
Cause they can see the truth
That these battles are our weapons
For encouraging the youth

So let your weary heart be rested
And may you find that life's a journey
One that we are living as symbols who united
We can stand the test of time
and all things that we fighted

The alpha is the beginning
The omega is the end
Together we're united - my brother, my best friend.

It's kinda like finding out that
Romeo and Juliet must die-
It's the realization that
the only way to have snow
is if it's freezing.

I never asked for a "perfect" love-
I asked for an honest one.

I can handle the tragedies,
And the freezing cold;
The unfolding beauty that comes after
is worth it-
but don't ever,
ever tell me
that it's not supposed to be this way.

"it is supposed to be this way..."

Naive to believe
that there's nothing that i can't handle....
Although,
In the scheme of things there's a few things that could break me,
But all my heart ever cries for is honesty-
I can accept that Romeo and Juliet must die...

I can hear my wrist watch beating in my head like a constant reminder of you- tick, tick, tick, tick. And  I'm not complaining but it would nice to know if you think of me too. My room is silent again - the kind of silence that you can hear, I'm not sure if its true but in hoping you think of me too. It's the middle of the night and I lay awake writing- I'm not trying to be rude, but am I the only one fighting? Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a hurry, I'd wait five hundred years if Iknew not to worry- that one day- you will or won't, be mine.

Lets begin:
Soft skin-
A moment in,
You're afraid to let go.

I'm sick and tired
Of being sick and tired-
Running on emotions
Like a bad electrical wire

How many times do I have to hear your ****-
That's it-
I quit-
I'm over it.

You say that you love me,
That there can't be anyone else
Then you shove words down my throat
And threaten me with something else

I've stood strong for so long
Taking and taking
I've let you live your life
But now the bend is breaking

This is it for the taking
This is history in the making
It's me versus you-
And there is no mistaking...

I'm gonna let go of the past
Break the mold of this cast
This is history at last
I'm letting your bad love fade fast.

I've seen beauty in places no one thought to look
I've held on to hope when other feelings shook
I've been beatin down
And I've been held up
But one things for sure,
I won't give up.

I've seen love in some of the darkest places
I've seen beauty in some of the ugliest faces
I've been beatin down
And I've been held up
But one things for sure,
I won't give up.

I've watched a bad man do good
And I've seen a good man do real, real bad-
When the whole world seems to go mad
I won't give up-

Cause even when you get beat down
You find the hope to stand
And even when there seems no beauty left-
You'll see another man
And when that good person does something bad
You have to know it was their decision that was mad
So don't give up
Please, don't give up.

I dream of a quiet room-
A room that feels like a 1969 peace rally,
A room that is bright and happy
A space without space
Where we can lay and be sappy-
while loving eachother
like beasts who care more about smiling
than they do about breathing-
With a simple belief that keeps repeating:
Make love not war.

I dream of a room
Where it's okay to lay in bed for hours-
Laugh at the world as it goes sour...
Leaving the universe with a bad taste of spilt milk
across this galaxy,

But it won't matter to me-
To you-
To us-
together we'll discuss
All the fears...
The fears that rage us,
The ones that cage us-
The ones that try to make us-
But we won't let them win...

Instead we'll hold hands
And lay silently facing-
the world is our canvas;
Our bodies,
The paints;
And it won't matter if someone cries devil
Cause we both know the love of saints,

In a room that lays quiet
Built of dangling paper stars
That dance over our heads nightly
Reminding us to be brave and knightly-
As we slay this universe
With our arms around each other, tightly

This is a room that erases old scars
And prepares us for new ones-
Reminds us what victory taste like
Time...and time again.

"How many?" You asked-
One for every time I had this thought...
While laying in this space
like a lost astronaut-
without you.

As I sit here
On this bench
In my bright yellow coat
Wearing
My bright green sneakers
Tapping text on my phone-
In the bright of the day,
I realize
there is only one more thing
that could make me brighter in this moment-
YOU!

As
the
sun
rises
against
the
horizon
it
tells
everything
to
wake
up­
with
a
warm
whisper
making
way
for
beautiful
days
every
time
it
shines.­

I stopped watching TV. There came a point in time, like an eraser on a pencil, that I realized it's all for entertainment. Who we pay to entertain us- some open armed football star, some local news broadcaster with a cheeky smile and fake lips, or maybe we give money for the chance that the boy with a broken heart will actually fall in love after he kisses the fourteenth girl- we are made to believe that only then will he know what love really is. I cut TV out of my life, it began to make me sad, it almost had me convinced that there are more bad people in the world than there are good- it almost made me believe that how other people live is how I'm supposed to, it almost made me crazy to think if I don't cry over the same brainwashing tragedies as anyone else, I'm not human. TV is an invalid form of weak entertainment, put down the remote, turn off the TV and plug yourself in to what's real: the life that's right in front of you.

My heart is a hitch hiker
She ain't afraid to stick her thumb out
and grab a ride with the first loser to pull over-
No grudges.

She'll stay gone for days,
Can you believe that?
Sometimes weeks...
She doesn't care to sleep in vacant parking lots
Or dark alley where the homeless creep..

She'll sit too close to a strangers fire;
Drinking whiskey while walking a wire
and everyone around will laugh-
But meanwhile,
she's just crashing...
Daydreaming about her next hitch
Like a fix
It can't come quick enough.

She'll get comfortable too fast
Hoping for illusions to last
Spending too much time on a forgetful past-
And before you know it,
She's calling fantasy her home.

Oh, that *****
Who likes to hitch
Calling fantasy her home.

My heads a mess
My thoughts repressed
From a weekend that I've spent with you
Although it is true
Sometimes I feel blue
I just want you to be part of my mess.

Little bit awkward
As we sit here in silence
When everything
Before us
Used to be nothing but violence

We'd argue and yell
Before an argument even started
Choosing words like ammo
Handing over trophies to
The biggest 'broken hearted'

We'd shoot phrases
With precision
True Marksmen who could
Think without making decisions

A game of fools
Mending love
With wrong tools
Like artists with no talent
Until our love went silent.

I'm a greet-you-and-meet-you professional
I get straight to the point and don't mess around.
I'll ask you how your day is,
If you found everything okay-
And if you prefer paper or plastic.

Like a superhero from a comic strip-
I'm out to make you smile in five minutes
or less.
I have the super power
To turn you away from your favorite alcoholic beverage
Or turn you on-
It all depends if you can pass the test,
the secret code to a top secret nuke shelter-
No pass, no go.

I'm like a greeting card,
Everyday; a new message.
Sometimes I'll hear about the weather,
Other times,
I'll hear intimate details which I really don't care about-
But I'll pretend I do...
Things like-
What you're having for supper,
How much wine your sister likes to drink
Or the fact that you make the best homemade sauce.

I'll get to know you the more I see you,
And like an app on your smart phone,
I'll remind you to come again.

I'll see your kids at their worst-
Moments their grandparents don't get to see.
I'll learn about your financial status,
Your marital status,
Or the fact that you don't have a status at all.

I'll take all of your complaints
And sometimes pass them someone else-
I'll hear all your requests like an overworked DJ
And if you're lucky...
Your wish will be granted.

I am a food slinger,
A cash ringer,
A handle-your-food winner,
I am grocery store cashier.

You're the king of this place
But your legacies been set on fire,
All the peasants are screaming revolt
As they throw rocks at your glass castle.

You need the right armor-
A shielded protection
From toxic arrows and blood spilling sparrows.
Just hold strong for the white horse to ride
He's on his way to save you...

Meanwhile,
the Dragon breathes fire
Into the realm where all the fairies live
trying desperately to scorch their desire to create all things wonderful.
They won't let him win Dear King-
They'll fight with a vengeance of light and laughter

The kingdom is falling apart,
Be sure to hold tight to your crown-
Or better yet,
Your heart,
Cause Sir King...
It's all you really own
In this unruly kingdom of
"Allalone"

MUST LOVE POETRY
And I don't mean the written kind
I mean the kind that is felt

It doesn't matter if you can express it,
You don't have to write it
Sing it
Or
Preform it-
You have to believe it.

The beauty of a sunset
The art between character and voice
The beauty of two things mismatching

You have to wonder about the world
And travel to places you'll never go

You have to wear masks of different faces
Find beauty in love that heaven replaces
Put treasure where voids leave empty spaces.

MUST LOVE POETRY

The kind that lasts longer than a read through
The kind that you feel as the wind breathes you
The poetry that finds light  in all the dark alleys
The kind that doesn't give up when in a hopeless valley

It's the kind of poetry that's lived
The kind that sees more than seven colors in a rainbow
Hangs on to love
but isn't afraid to let go
It's the kind  that doesn't always make sense...
Past
Present
Or future tense-

MUST LIVE POETRY.

No one can find us there...
It's quiet like the morning after a snowfall
Our footprints we've marked with a steady pace can only be seen by us.

It's a path that leads to brighter days,
Happier thoughts,
Laughter and innocence.

Surrounded by hopeful beginnings
And happy-ever-afters that never end.
It's a fairy tale place
Of raw imagination
A place where I can snuggle your heart
And play with your hair
A place where I don't have to hear you
because I can feel you-

It's a safe place where we can meet-
Lets go there,
It's our only safe spot.

Lost in a battle
between what is
And what used to be.

Inbetween the cracks
Of my hearts desire
I linger
Between the faithfulness
Of a love song
And the suicide
Of a love that went wrong.

My hands are gripping
For something to hold,
Something unbreakable,
Unmakeable
Something unique.

I'm lost between visions
of your happy faces,
like filling an entire page
with empty spaces.

I'm lost like a train
on a one way track-
Without direction,
without turning back

I'm confused with words
like a foreign language spoken
I'm confused with your love
Which has left me broken

Broken between what is-
And what it used to be.

I'm sure we don't have anything in common anyway, I'd be so obviously awkward around you that I'd starve in fear of biting my lip instead of my burger.

I'm pretty sure a boy like you really wouldn't want anything to do with me- I'm a little self conscious and like to play video games until I get heart palpitations which might lead to a brief moment of panic.

I've never really had experience with random make out sessions, so I wouldn't even know how to make the first move to kiss you (if I wanted to.)

I'd probably step on your toes every time we tried to dance and  if we weren't physically dancing, my words would get smushed around like a slippery dance floor.

I'm pretty sure that a boy like you wouldn't want a thing to do with a girl like me- Every morning I'd bore you over every little detail of my dreams- Bore you while you sip your coffee, do you even like coffee?

I'm sure we really don't have anything in common anyway- Most of the time I'll pretend to know what you're thinking, I'll demolish your French Fries before we leave the drive thru at Burger King- Because I only eat them hot...you probably hate Burger King, don't you?

Some days I take a really long time in the shower and I leave my clothes on the floor, I won't let you touch me unless I can feel you with my heart- out of belief that the thing called  "feeling" is more then skin deep...This is another reason why we'd probably never work, I'd love you with all my heart, Everything I have, I'd throw down all my chips like a cheap game of poker...

It's all, or nothing.

I think I'm high on Vicodin-
I just left the bathtub,
Embarrassed.

It happened when the hot water ran cold-
Only then did I realize I was happily sitting
in three inches of water,
with the drain down,
waiting for the tub to fill up.

in the night she rides
weaving back and forth between clouds;
clutching on to daydreams
while bouncing from star to star.

the galaxy is where she's born,
in a soft layer between what's real,
and what's not;
in a place where magic seems to fit-
and the questions of logic,
do not.

in the sweep of the night she rides,
protesting gravity-
holding on to air
while flying faster than light;
she's a believer in all things right,
she's a warrior of the night,
holding on to daydreams
in the sweep of the night.

I feel like maybe...
I just get bored.
If it doesn't get mixed up like a mixed tape-
Wait,
Nobody listens to mixed tapes anymore.

Maybe it's the unknowing?
The nail biting edge to a horror flick?
The moment right before you jump?
Maybe if it's not like that then...

There's a hundred ways to keep me entertained,
But I also like to be the entertainer-
I mean,
I am the person who will tell the story the long way
Or drive a different way home for a change of direction.
I don't really like shortcuts;
Unless  it's for a computer program,
And even then I'll take the long way.

I think I like the challenge.
There's something about pushing every bit-
Holding my breath until I burst for air-
Filling the cup until its about to overfill...
I mean,
I like details-
but I hate oil paints-
And I like little forks-
But prefer a bigger spoon-
And if you were to ask me my favorite song...
I wouldn't have one-
Because it changes too much.

I think my mind just races
And it's not a marathon because their is no winner
This is more like a treadmill-
It keeps you in the same spot but you somehow make progress
It's like a moment when your about to kiss
for the very first time-
scared as hell that its not right;
But wanting so badly for it to be perfect...
The chemistry,
The make up,
The right timing...
That's the way I see the world.
Just sometimes,
I get bored.

I manipulated hearts today-
Without guilt I was in control
and it felt good.

With my own hands
I cut them,
With my own hands
I felt them,
With my own imagination
I twisted them until they fit just right.
Just like placing stars in
the magic of the night.

I cut out paper hearts today,
Twenty four of them.
It all seemed perfect,
One heart for every hour-
In a day,
That we're apart.

I moved them,
The hearts,
And shaped them-
And spread them apart,
Like time zones between here,
And Australia.

If only there wasn't a time zone bewteen us,
If only there wasn't your destiny and mine-
If somehow these hearts could beat together;
The rhythm to a love song-
But they cannot...

They're paper thin
hoping to win,
The hands of someone
to hold them.