i once stole a feather from a bluebird
it twitched and stirred and cried out my name
and jolted away but i wept all the same

your name has already been etched into my ribs, you remind me
so be it, i proclaim, then i shall become an arsonist
and light myself aflame if it means ridding myself of your darkness

i do love the sea
i do love you, love you, like
a drowning sailor

i have nothing left to say, really
but i'll keep talking because i don't know what else i can do

i think the reason why we fear the dark so adamantly
is because it is to us a blank canvas
a void upon which we paint

when the day arrives the sun etches in outlines of trees and skies
splashes color upon the grass, the birds, and the houses
and we understand what these figures mean

but the dark? it is for us to imagine
and we fear what horrors our imagination can conceive
we let our minds run wild in dreams and memories and thoughts
and wait in morbid anticipation for our deadliest nightmares
to come crawling back out and tear up our canvas with snarling teeth

perhaps i need someone to admire me
since no one else will do the job

don't call me beautiful
don't say that
don't claim to know me or like me or want to be around me unless you do know me
(which you don't)

don't call me beautiful until you see me screaming for fear of being alone,
until you see me tearing up my skin for no reason and threatening to **** someone for hating me and scaring everyone i ever cared about away

don't call me dedicated until you see me ignore my work out of spite,
until you see me ripping open the page because someone is better than me and avoiding an assignment that i haven't done and failing where i could easily succeed

don't call me cool until you see my weekend plans,
(sleeping and eating and sleeping and eating),
until you see that i've been surrounded by a whole lot of nothing my entire life

don't say that

you

don't



know







me

(this isn't so much a poem as a tale i feel deserves to be told.)
yesterday i was out shopping for christmas gifts,
and the sweater i was purchasing at j.c. penney was supposedly on sale.

i told the cashier, "excuse me, but can you please check the price on this?
i want to make sure it's not actually 68 bucks like the tag suggests."
and he said yes, of course, and scanned it for me,
and confirmed that it indeed was 24.99 rather than 68 bucks.

i asked if i should scan my card now, and he asked if i had any coupons.
i said no.
was i sure?
i said yes.
not even one on my phone?
i said no.

i asked again if i should scan my card now, and he said to hold on.
he reached into a trash can under the counter, pulling out a used coupon,
and scanned it for me.
for me!

i told him thank you,
thank you, thank you (i don't recall anything else i said),
and he just smiled and told me that my total was 16.99,
and that i deserved it for saying the magic word.
thank you! was all i could say,
and he just continued to smile as i walked away.

i don't believe that the world or people are inherently good,
but some people nevertheless can be good just for the sake of being good.
i usually forget that.

(i'm glad that, for at least one day, i could remember.)

give me your attention

be aware of me
be conscious of me

acknowledge me, yes,
acknowledge me and acknowledge me and acknowledge me

this is the only love i can accept

remember me.

remember my name,
and remember who i am.

because when you're all grown up and complaining about marriage,
i'm going to be the old dog lady down the street
perfectly content with my
seventeen
dogs.

if you want to speak in metaphors
i am a raindrop
(i've always liked the rain)

i am one of thousands,
of millions, of billions
of raindrops that inhabit the skies only fleetingly

some raindrops fall quickly
they fall when they fall
and they chase after other drops nearby

don't fall quickly
don't fall for me

screams, screams, screams, screams, screams

screams, screams, screams, screams, screams, screams, screams

i'm tired of screaming

how could i ever have a significant other
when i don't believe in friendship?

when i don't have friends?


when i can't be close to anyone?



i wonder

don't talk to me!
ever again!

(i'm not being lonely)
(i'd just rather you hate me than like me)

i think
only strangers will never fail to disappoint you