I am ****** because I believed that load of ****.
I am ****** because they said they loved me.
They would have let me die, did you know that?

Sinking under the surface of the norm.
Lacking air , life leaving my body.

I hate them for leaving me to die and judging me still.

the universe is quiet and doesn't care.

Born in a white neighborhood to white parents in a white church.
Riding her bike to a white school
College with her white girl friends.
Married a white man and had white children.
Teaches Piano to her white students.
Year after Year
Year after Year
Hate seething out between her tight thin lips
Praying in that same white church.
Every Sunday going to that white church.
Praying
Praying
Hate seething out between her tight thin lips.
A good Lutheran girl she is.
Playing her ***** for the congregation.

You are born and live and live well, good and bad.

You add and subtract and learn.

You throw out and subtract those things that do not add up.

You keep what makes the equation correct and you add more in and live.

You live well my friend , you live well.

you make your move.
its all hands on deck.
time to change.
change your clothes.
you want to smile.
you are changing socks and people.
some friends aren't friends at all.
small talk in the cellar doors .
you are the topic.

i have to say some and very few friends
and family are true to you.
its those relationships that grow.

the others die like yesterdays tomato's.
rotting and hanging on the vine.
their unhappy judgement
their empty promise of support.
growing further away.....

...but I kept trudging to a new land.
to sunshine, and the land of plenty.

there was she of course, that perfectly perfect love, that loved me without judgement. she just wanted me to be happy while
she was on her journey too.

happiness was the  promise land.
new socks and new shoes.
a few old friends and family that really loved you.
...and a whole host of new ones too.

i'm happy.

truly happy.

I was running ..
running... thinking... letting my mind take a trip.
running looking upward.
Smelling the smells of life.

The borders in my mind fell.
The stars of the night poured down my throat in gallons.

What a beautiful world.
A beautiful night.

Simple pain.
Simple beauty.

The raw colors of the world.
The smell of the energy around us.
The warmth of a calm soul.
My boys smile...
My mothers love.

Life IS...

The stars of the night pour down my throat in gallons.
I can not get full.

The joy and life in people.
The evil in some poor soul.

Its all very colorful.
I listen to the  music of it all.

I ran round and round.
Round and Round.

Thinking ,
People are ugly, invisible and colorful.
How incredible.

The stars of the night pour down my throat in gallons.
I can not get full.

I do not assume a lot ....

I don't assume the spring will come or the streams will flow again...

when the birds will spread their wings and  breathe in the warmth filled with life.

I just don't assume the winter will end.

you know what?

I don't know when I started that...

somewhere between Key West and Buffalo...

somewhere between the palm trees and the canal, there was living you know?

There was those nights of wonder and the nights of slipping into the depths of the dark.

I don't assume.

So, tomorrow when you wake up and say" I love you", its the miracle of miracles.

...and every day after.