You answered just a little too fast.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing I've missed you.
It surprised me.
The last time I saw you,
And the time before that,
You were intoxicated.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing what you are to me.
It surprised me.
You are a dress without hems or seams.
I hardly know you but you are beautiful.
You are the bullet in the rotating cylinder of the gun to my head.
You dig through my skull and explode my amygdala.
And force me to love you.
You are the jam in the barrel as I pull the trigger.
I fell to the ground in realization:
You both killed me and saved me.
It surprised me.

I miss him most when he is here, when he is close enough I could reach out and touch him. But only in places that are becoming routine. I reminisce back to a time when he would handle me like glass, when he'd run his fingers though my unwashed hair while I pretended to sleep.
Our first embrace.
When we kissed on the end of my bed, his skin slippery with angst.
My clothes wrinkled, synched tight around my waist getting caught between myself and the covers.
We were two brand new tension filled lovers.

Wouldn't it be cold if my skin turned in on itself and the roots of the soil, apparent
Delved and flourished inwards till un-viewable buds.
The stupidity of them to think their was charm in secrecy
Or that with the lights out they were beating intently yet unseen.
Foolishly hidden, wrapped like new-born.
Small.
But when they fall the world takes part
Neanderthals
Reverting and Imploding,
Escaping. Exploding.
With thorns we never stood a chance.

since we've broken up
i've been loaded up
getting drunk & throwing up
swollen head all bloated up
from doses of the finest drugs
but it's never quite high enough
to forget your type of tired love
it keeps me anchored as i'm flying up
as i'm crowd surfing
on a cloud's surface
my head is drowning in the dirt
i'm ground to grains & feeling worthless
clay for brains & muddy urges
lead to vacant veins & vapor verses
a rehearsal for a solemn song
sedating the invading fog
while praying for the haze to stop

Even with your fingers twisted around my neck I'm convinced everything's alright. You forget to water my flowers,
and my ears never meet the words I want to hear.
Instead these pretty little things fill their place.
While your sand paper hands slither down my back
I kiss your face.

I want the freedom to be addicted
Just as much
As I want freedom from addiction