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alex Jun 2018
no it’s okay
i understand
not everyone can value me
in the same way i value myself.
just don’t show up when it’s over
with a hello and a hug
expecting me to thank you
for coming.
i cope by getting defiant.
alex Jun 2018
i like to say “****” in my poems
i guess i think it makes me sound serious
like this time i really mean it
honestly?
i’m just looking for a way to say
that i’m tired
but i’m still so, so ready to keep living.
the color yellow
  Jun 2018 alex
Path Humble
left my phone unlocked
on the taxi’s back seat,
won't be the last time

called it a few times
finally, the driver picked up

he had a fare immediately after mine,
and was now headed way downtown,
and would call later
when fate returned him nearer my office

and so it came to pass,
very shortly thereafter,

we met on the street,
he rolled down  the window
and with the greatest smile of pleasure,
as if he had won the lottery
beaming,
handed me my phone

I had two $20's to cover any expense he might have incurred,
neatly folded in my hand  
and offered it right up, right away;
but the driver repeatedly pushed my hand away
as I insisted,
saying:

"No sir, no no, not necessary!

Allah sent me a fare
that took me soon back close to you, so,
  no loss of time did I suffer,
so your offer is kindly unnecessary!"


to which I replied,

"exactly!
Allah sent you to me
so I could reward you!"


and with an equally, beaming smile I continued,

"our ride and meeting today,
together was pre-ordained it was


Inshallah!" ^

something he could not dispute...
or my knowledge thereof and it’s
proper pronouncement,
nor
his amazement,
to disguise!

  we parted ways
   each believing,
   each receiving,
a heavenly check plus,
each, credited with a mitzvah^^
on our
respective trip logs,
our humanly divine balance sheets,
kept by the
single
supreme taxi dispatcher
Arabic for ^"God/Allah willing" or "if God/Allah wills," frequently spoken by a Muslim


^^a meritorious or charitable act in the Jewish tradition

FYI,
NYC taxi cab drivers are suffering economically by the explosion of ride hailing app cars, many unable to pay their bills, earn a living, have committed suicide over the past few months
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sixth-new-york-city-cab-driver-dies-suicide-after-struggling-n883886

true story, poetry is there for the taking
alex Jun 2018
i think the ocean is alive and thinking
all the while
the ambivalent recollection in the mirror
looks at me and thinks
“yes i truly will love you forever”
i know so cause she told me.
this ones for me.
alex Jun 2018
you say “let’s go for a drive, put the top down”
and i do and i drive
and you tell me to slow down
that i’m doing it wrong
and that sounds like a perfect example
of who we are now.
i gotta stop thinking it will be like
the other times before
things fell apart.
it hurts me more than it hurts you
and i know it hurts you more than anything.
m. it’s always the same.
alex Apr 2018
i could just put on your jacket
i shouldn’t but i will
i’ll explain that it’s cold outside
that i just didn’t want to carry it
or i don’t know maybe
i could finally admit that i think
you should just let me keep it
i think it’ll end up in my closet
someday anyway
jcl. too high up to drop back down to the level of reality in which we never happen. in addition, i didn’t realize how familiar with the smell of you that i had gotten, but your jacket makes it seem as if you’re here. you make me so happy.
alex Apr 2018
i’m not sure that my body
knows how to handle
excitement or fear
but on the bright side
i think i’ve found a way
to cope with the answers to questions
i still don’t know how to ask.
i really do love myself sometimes.
just some thoughts i’m having before i head to a party. life really is good to me most of the time.
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