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23h
Amor Fati
Kaitlyn 23h
I see a woman across the street
She's looking my way
I'm hoping she'll head over
I want to say hey

I'll go right instead of left
Since there's a fallen tree
I see a man across the street
Through the window of a bakery

I turned around
She's next in line
Her lips are stained red
Like cherries & wine

Tattoos on his arms
In a black jersey & cargo pants
He's laughing & smiling
While doing a little dance

Pistachio green eyes
I can't help but stare
She's in a pink dress
There are ribbons in her hair

I'm lost in his eyes
Brown like butter toffee
"What can I get you?"
"Just a small coffee."

She's so beautiful
He's so handsome
I wonder if she's single
I wonder if he's single

She's right in front of me
I should ask her on a date
If she says no, that's okay
If she says yes, that'd be great

I ended up here
I should ask him out
I need to take a chance
That's what life is about

"Do you have plans later?"
He asked before I could
"No, I don't."
"Okay, good."

"I wrote my number on your cup."
"I wrote my number on this napkin."
"My name is Jacob."
"My name is Kaitlyn."

"I'm almost finished.
My shift is done at 4."
"That works!
I'll be next door."

I keep checking the clock
Counting down the time
I checked my watch
It's 3:49

11 more minutes
I can't wait to see her
11 more minutes
I can't wait to see him

I'm heading over
You have a ring on your hand
This is perfect
My dream wedding band

It matches the pattern
On your blue & white purse
It's vintage & silver
With engraved flowers

"Do you want to get food?"
"Sure, I could eat."
"We should do something afterwards.
How about pottery?"

"That would be awesome!
I'm so down.
It's on my bucket list!
I know a place in town."

I made a bowl
You made a mug
I walked you home
You gave me a hug

You made a bowl for your cereal
I made a mug for my tea
Little do you know
I don't even like coffee

We talked & joked for hours
I'll always remember
The day I met you
It was the 11th of November

We talked & laughed for hours
I'll never forget
The day I met you
When I walked east instead of west

We said bye
I had a lot of fun
I'm leaving your house
I think you're the one

The way you were glowing
In the light of the moon
You wear your heart on your sleeve
Your kindness can flood a room

I'm heading back to the shop
I go inside
A woman walked up to me
Then said, "I put it aside.

I knew you'd come back!
I had a gut feeling.
She seemed down to earth,
wasn't interested in the bling."

Fast forward 2 years
7 months & 5 days
It's a Friday
June 16th of 2028

I knew you'd be my wife
We're getting married this afternoon
You are my bride
You are my groom

It's the ring I wanted
I begin to weep
"I can't believe you got it!"
Now it's mine to keep

"That blocked pathway
Led me to you.
You're the lighthouse of my universe."
I sealed my vows with "I do."

"3:45 was the time we first met.
The second time was at the store.
I vow to be your best buddy
Today, tomorrow, and forever more."

Everything happens for a reason
What's meant to be will be
Love of one's fate
That's Amor Fati
June 17th - 20th, 2025
5d · 33
Healed
Kaitlyn 5d
My past is mine
I write what I know
The words come easily
Effortlessly they flow

Pen on the paper
Ink on the page
The room fills with smoke
The burning of rage

Going back in time
She's no longer here
I was a different person
Suffocated in sadness & fear

I fell into depression
Made some bad choices
My mind got paralyzed
I heard so many voices

The Devil's work
Hellfire he lit
I wasn't prepared
The psychosis just hit

Completely unrecognizable
I had a new pulse
Lost in my own world
My reality was false

I remember everything
I made it out alive
I wish I didn't
How did I survive?

I used to have dreams
I was back in that place
My nightmares felt real
Tears burned down my face

Through & through
Thoughts of my past
The effects of my trauma
How long will they last?

I want to forget
All of the pain
Haunting my memories
Burning my brain

My soul was destroyed
Turned to dust in the ground
I can finally sleep
In the peace I have found
September 13th, 2024
5d · 21
Moments
Kaitlyn 5d
Today is all I have
Time cannot be bought
All of my memories
I see what you do not

What a suite life
It was so easy
Ice cream trucks
Getting cut by a freezie

Drawing squares on the sidewalk
Chalk in my hand
I want some grapes
There's a lemonade stand

Sitting on a toilet
Drinking some yop
Singing carly rae jepson
It's still a bop

Fast forward to the present
Nothing is the same
I graduated from college
Now I'm playing a game

I'm searching for a job
Not having any luck
I'm just trying to survive
*******, what the ****

My vision is foggy
Dilated by haze
How do I leave?
It's a never-ending maze

"I'm good"
"I'm fine"
We are all the same
We all use these lines

Everyone is insane
Losing their minds
We're all a bit broken
So always be kind

When people smile
I smile too
Not knowing why
I just do

It's the little things that matter
Making the most of it all
Seeing the good in the bad
Laughing when I fall

The sounds of laughter
The sight of love
Birds & planes flying
In the sky up above

A billion pockets of light
Bursting like bubblegum
Dripping golden honey
My hair shining in the sun

Freezing in the cold
Snowflakes falling down
Shimmering like glitter
Making angels on the ground

Sparkles in my eyes
Talking to the moon
Staring at my ceiling
Alone in my room

Drowning in serenity
A blanket of tears
Happy to be alive
I'm facing my fears

Doing what feels right
Following my heart
Having trust & faith
Walking through the dark

If it's meant to be, it will be
I have no doubt
In perfect timing
Things will work out

Whatever is coming
I can't wait to see
Beyond everything imagined
In my wildest dreams

Constellations & planets
Countless stars in space
Every day I thank God
For his everlasting grace

At the end of the day
Then I go to sleep
I think about the moments
In a bottle I keep
September 12th, 2024
Kaitlyn 5d
I wish I could erase my memories
The ones that repeat in my head
The ones that I can't say out loud
The ones that keep me up at night
The ones that nobody knows about
The ones that I can't bring myself to share

I wish I could relive my memories
Every time I lived in the moment and didn't record anything
Every time I last talked to or saw someone who's no longer in my life
Every time I met someone not knowing they'd become important to me
When I heard a song and tried food for the first time before it became something I loved

I wonder who & where I'd be
If I had different parents and was raised differently
If I lived in a different city or country
If I made different choices & decisions
If certain things didn't happen
If I didn't meet the people who were & are in my life

If I could
Time & time again
I would go back to the past
Even though I know how it's going to end
It would be worth all of the sadness & pain
Just to be that happy again
January 9th - 10th

Past is prologue
Everything that's happened has led me to who & where I am now

Amor fati
Love of one's fate
Everything that's going to happen will lead me to who & where I will be in the future
5d
If
Kaitlyn 5d
If
If I could
I would sleep all day
but I can't
that would be too much

If I could
I wouldn't get out of bed
but I can't
I don't want to get used to it

If I could
I would cry my eyes out
but I can't
I feel too numb & broken

If I could
I wouldn't eat anything
but I can't
I don't want to starve myself

If I could
I would move out
but I can't
I don't have enough money

If I could
I would travel
but I can't
I don't know what's stopping me

If I could
I would change how I was raised
but I can't
the past is the past

If I could
I would let my parents in
but I can't
my personal life isn't their business

If I could
I would wear what I want
but I can't
I feel uncomfortable around them

If I could
I would express my emotions
but I can't
I suppress everything to get by

If I could
I would love myself completely
but I can't
I have insecurities

If I could
I would go to the past
but I can't
everything happens for a reason

If I could
I would erase my feelings
but I can't
they'll always be there

If I could
I would see my future
but I can't
I know it's all going to work out
January 11th, 2025
5d
Goodbye
Kaitlyn 5d
Fragments of brokenness
Flow in my bloodstream
Forever in my dna
I want to be set free

Childhood memories
Burned in my brain
My world is hell
No escaping the flames

Alive, but dying
In a cloud of darkness
Gasping for air
Suffocated by sadness

Dripping tears of my past
In waterfalls of quicksand
My mind dissipates
Heart & soul collapsed

Lingering worries
I need to let go of
Face my fears scared
That's how you grow up

I feel so alone
My vision is blurry
I am a mess
Trying to regain my sanity

In this time of desperation
I want to hit reset
Escape to a new place
Begin a blank page

Live in the present
For we only have now
I'm praying for a miracle
Maybe things will work out

If tomorrow comes
I will have survived
Live another day
Saying devil, nice try

Say what you feel
Before it's too late
The end could be near
Make your life count now

Happy to be alive
With people I love
Their presence imprinted
Until the end of time

When I have to let go
My eyes will burn
I can't say goodbye
We just said hello
September 9th, 2024
5d · 863
Lifeline
Kaitlyn 5d
My name means pure
Untainted by immorality

That's far from true
If only people knew the truth

To each person
I am someone different

Broken pieces
The memories of my past

Open wounds
Bleeding flesh

My eyes tell a story
I've been through Hell & back

I want to break the chains
They hold my heart together

I am not okay
I fall apart when I'm alone

I feel numb
I feel everything

Emptiness washes over me
I'm drowning in tears

It's hard to breathe
My lungs are overflowing

I need a lifeline
Only I can save myself
September 10th, 2024
Kaitlyn 5d
In times of darkness
We found each other

At the right time
In the right place

You set my world on fire
The flames will never die

You're far away
Living in my mind

Another universe
Another timeline

How do we stay connected?
It seems impossible

Follow my heartbeat
I'll light the way

Let's fly to neverland
Staying young forever

How do we get there?
To infinity & beyond

The hands of time
Melting into moondust

2 hundred billion trillion stars
Only what our eyes can see

To have a heart & soul
How beautiful it is to be alive

We're floating in space
This is our home

Take my hand
Don't be afraid

We're alone together
Where do we go from here?
September 10th, 2024
5d · 5
Genesis
Kaitlyn 5d
In the beginning
A feeling of serenity

Moving through air
Floating down water

Where am I?
What is this place?

A world of wonder
A movie-like fantasy

Biblical like Narnia
A planet like Pandora

Frozen in awe
I can't believe my eyes

A million white birds
Flying in the sky

Their wings so large
Perfectly clear & magnified

Some formed an animal
Singing songs in the night

Colossal-sized whales
A head above water

From underneath the sea
Jumping out of the blue

I see a panda & polar bear
A black & white giraffe too

Countless animals
All from Noah's Ark

On a beast I ride
It pulls out its claws

Moving in slow motion
They begin to submerge

It's coming to an end
I don't want to leave

How beautiful it is
An experience of a lifetime

Broken is the barrier
Between Heaven & Earth

An ethereal creation
Living in my dreams

I am a witness
In sight of a miracle

My vision is surreal
Traveling in time

Locked in my memory
Lost in my mind
September 12th, 2024
Turning my "breathtaking" dream note into a poem
5d · 17
Nightmare
Kaitlyn 5d
In my room
I cry every day
Wishing I could fly
Go somewhere far away

I lie on my bed
Staring in one place
Imagining a window
A portal to space

A different timeline
Another life
My heart is bleeding
Slit by a knife

My blood pours out
Dripping like rain
I feel so numb
Drowning in my pain

Yesterday, today, tomorrow
A twisted mind game
Nothing has changed
It is still the same

My soul is empty
Overflowing with sadness
When will this end?
I can't take this madness

I fake a smile
It's all I know
I need a way out
Where do I go?

This reality is a nightmare
I feel happy when I cry
The misery will end
I'll feel alive when I die
September 13th, 2024
Kaitlyn 5d
I feel everything
I'm consumed by my thoughts
Words in my mind
Lyrics say what I cannot

Broken are the voices
Sounds float in the air
The noise is loud
At the ceiling I stare

My ears fill with melodies
My heart is set free
My eyes drown in tears
I can no longer see

A blanket of darkness
A world of snow
Where am I?
Where did I go?

I'm floating through time
In a galaxy far away
2 hundred billion trillion stars
There's the Milky Way

A glimpse of the sun
Comets burning light
The moon in the sky
Shooting stars in the night

A reflection in water
I see a face
I am not alone
What is this place?

A collection of feelings
Every song ever played
A sense of familiarity
I'm no longer afraid

I'm looking at myself
From the other side
My image revealed
Nowhere to hide

A different dimension
In my room I sleep
My emotions escaped
With the memories I keep

I've forgotten reality
In my bed I lay
I'll always remember
Forever & today
September 13th, 2024
Kaitlyn 5d
A raven's crow
Echoes in the night
The wind blows
Not a soul in sight

Dialating pupils
Black are my eyes
Death is my wish
I want to die

Earth is slowly burning
I'm drowning in the sea
Ashes to ashes
I am finally free
September 13th, 2024
5d
Anxiety
Kaitlyn 5d
Waterfalls in my eyes
Blurry vision & tears of fear
I've drowned a million times

I lose control when I'm asleep
150 heartbeats per minute
My lungs collapsing with every breath

Created from my own thoughts
A tsunami of panic swallows me
Time & time again

I spiral like a slinky
My body sinks into a pool of fire
Falling apart like a house of cards

Everyone's a bit OCD
It's a personality trait
Organized, clean, and afraid of germs

You can't be a disorder
It's uncontrollable & incurable
Crippling, & paralyzing from the inside-out

Only I need to do this
A certain way & number of times
Until it feels "right"

Ignorance is bliss
You self-diagnose & joke around
I suffocate in this permanent reality

Anxiety is a deathbed
A ****** up mind game
An earthquake of self-constructed self-destruction
May 20th, and June 14th & 15th, 2025

— The End —