who knew the world was like this?
full of evil and brokenness?

love is much deeper than we sought to be,
there is more evil around us than we thought.

the children are so innocent
of what's to come

their valves wouldn't break
but their minds would.

their heart would keep thump,                                      
thump           ­           
thumping

but-

what about their innocence?
one day,
they would fall in love

and the passion would bring them so high,

trusting the other so much that,

when they let go,

they would

f       
a    
l  
l.

and it would hurt like crazy, because they didnt know-
that the world was like this.

to them,
love is sweet,
is constant sweet,
was sweet.

but it is rancour, filling us with evil and hate,
and the children,
once innocent,

would become one of us.

tear my trust apart
tears trickle down
i should've known better not to trust

i'll remind myself to be on my toes.

i thought you were genuine
i thought he was genuine
i guess im too gullible-
like you said.

i should've known not to trust,
not to trust,
not to flirt with love.

you've left me like everyone i cared about did.

you left me.

it doesnt matter, does it?
my feelings don't matter.
because i'm non existent,
right?

i'll just go and disappear,
disappear into the void.
the stars will still shine and the planets will turn,
but does my soul matter?

i let the tears flow as i turn my volume up,
screaming silently,
my mouth stretching wide as to cover up my pain.

if i didn't move,
i think.
this wouldn't really have happened.
if i ceased to exist.

the melody thrums
with the beat of drums
the heart thrums
lyrics go and come.

i mouth silently
the screams, deceitfully;
the voice not making a single sound
my throat hosts an inevitable mound.

i find it hard to swallow
your thoughts for me, so shallow;
the black void swallows
the black thoughts follow

the void consumes
its flames consume
my mind is wrapped in heat
i sing along to the beat

the tears, they burn
the stings, they burn
the ache in my heart
will just not go away

i would have given up everything
for just a plane ticket, hiding
from the reality i face
in the harsh gray of this race

my heart pounds to the beat
my ears thrum with the heat
although i am in defeat,
depression isn't consuming me whole.

my thoughts are dead
my soul is a ghost
inside a living zombie

my brain is dead
the brain cells are dead
from not thinking for a millennium

my mind is made up of half truths
they are lies.
but they are half truths.

for they are not truths,
and if they are not true,
they are lies.

my soul is lazy.
just wanting to sink in my puddle of tears,
sea of pity,
pool of problems.

slowly
drowning

sinking to the bottom
where i will never unravel
the tangle
of my thoughts

my skin are rags
concealing my death

it's why i wear black everyday,

because i want
to attend
my funeral

i think my thoughts should be convicted of ******.
my feelings deserve to go to jail.
my problems should be arrested,
the shoulders of my frail body
bending

underneath the weight of the world

im so tired of all this ****
the pain just wont go away

it kinda builds up like sediment
caking my heart with impurity
the heartbreak just wont go away

i wish it could go away

because i feel like....
i dont feel anymore.

i dont want to,
but it *****.

i kinda want to,
but that ***** too.

the emptiness is making me cold.

i shiver, but no one's there.

cuz i wave them away.

i've made myself alone....

and im crying about it.

i can forsee the future,
and it *****.

i know that its coming,
that it's leaving.....

use my bones as firewood
to light that passion of yours

you can use me,
**** me,
to rekindle your heart

my skin
will turn to dirt and decompose

you can use my remnants
for your own good.

because i will jump into a canyon for you,
even when you are long gone.

i will be here,
waiting,
until the stars look down on me and say,
she has been standing there longer than i have been in the sky.

burn my heart.
if you need to

because i will sacrifice my flesh
for your own passion

my dress flies with the song
the wind whispers in my ear

reaching to my bones,
chilling my spine

my hair covers my eyes
as if to protect me from seeing the future

an unspeakable song plays in my head,
forever on rewind

you have to believe me,
you used to whisper in my ear

now I'm the one singing
to put faith in me,

I hope everything will work out okay

please don't ask me what I'm doing,
I don't know either

but you have to believe me

it was just today
that i found that
i broke your heart.

it wasnt intended.
i never wanted to break your heart,
and I know how it feels-
and I didnt want that to happen for you.

I'm sorry,
deep inside my broken heart
the shards of my fragile body
and from the depth of the pieces of my dark soul
that you picked up.

you gave me light,
you gave me a reason to live.
and now i broke your reason,

with a simple action.

i'm sorry.
i swear that i didnt mean to.

if i could do anything to go back to reverse it-
trust me,
i would.

i know that my apologies can never fully show
how broken i am
and how sorry i am

i know that your words
can never show how much broken you are

you say i threw ur heart out the window,
and crushed it.

but in my point,
i didn't mean for that to happen.

i thought it was okay.
it seemed like you didnt care.

we both cried that day.

we both cried.

but now im so confused
of what to do?

my present is right here,
laid out before me-

my past is chasing me
and i want to accept it


but its okay.
it'll work out.
right?

the bus bumps against my head
the music blasts in my ear

the tunes im obsessed with
they calm me

i hold that book to my chest,
your name written in the palm of my hand-

i smile,
wondering what you would do if you were
next to me
that very instant.

even though we're thousands of miles away
distance isn't supposed to keep us apart.

or so they say.

distance doesn't bother me, as it does for others
i keep smiling about you

thinking about you

living with you in my heart

i wait for the day i go back and visit,
we can finally see each other

i imagine,
me, glomping you in a hug
a smile on our faces
you, cracking jokes at my shoes and my
new knicknacks

i smile
☺︎

maybe we could hold hands
talk about everything
enjoy the peace
where time and distance arent chasing us

my daydreams take me to that memory

it was your birthday,
you're wearing your pink, collared shirt

i remember the softness of that first hug
when i felt heaven collide with the beings on earth

the blue lockers smiled down at me

the world didnt seem like such a bad place anymore

if only you were there with me

when you drop yourself to the floor,
pick yourself up
because it's okay

everything will work out,
i promise

this road will help you later in your life,
and you will see
how it trained you
and what it has made you

i know you want to take a break
i know you probably just want a moment peace,
but keep on going,
you're strong enough

when you're feeling exhausted
or stressed

read this poem

whenever you're feeling down
remember someone cares for you

we all feel this way.
it's not just you.

it's okay,
i promise.

light the world up with your smile.