she stepped into the room,
drunk with her dreams,
her imagination filling
the brim of her possibilities.

she looked around with hope,
with all the choices swimming in her mind.
but-

where were the unicorns?
mermaids?
happiness?

disappointed, she sank down.

and there will be a time where she will fall,
in loss of hope,
in loss of all;

but she shall be victorious in the end
and although the room
was not her dream,

she allowed herself
to be carried away

i used to hate this place when i was young
i look back at my hometown with guilt

so many memories,
good and back

and i'm not sure if i want to go back
anymore

i used to cry while i slept
and woke up feeling like i was drowning

now i sing happiness as i go
i don't look back at my fears anymore

keep your head up
let the slightest of your smile show
because that is enough for me
to keep going

my dress flies with the song
the wind whispers in my ear

reaching to my bones,
chilling my spine

my hair covers my eyes
as if to protect me from seeing the future

an unspeakable song plays in my head,
forever on rewind

you have to believe me,
you used to whisper in my ear

now I'm the one singing
to put faith in me,

I hope everything will work out okay

please don't ask me what I'm doing,
I don't know either

but you have to believe me

i built myself a hard shell
for my heart

so that it wouldnt trip
nor fall

i built a wall defending my mind
so it wouldnt fray

i made myself emotionless
i'm sorry,
if you get hurt

but i made myself emotionless
so that im bulletproof

no more petty crushes,
no more loving for me

i sit back as this world of chaos

turns ourselves one by one
into a mess of misunderstandings

and tears

i want to run away
where they would never find me again

i want to escape my past
my regrets
and my memories

sometimes death feels like the better option

i can catch others
but why isnt anyone here for me

it's ok,
you didnt know

you are too pure, innocent, foolish
you dont understand pain

what the boots have turned us into
a pile of colorless leaves

a mush of grey leaves
with a dark soul

seeking
for a vivid mind

i ****** up

i moved on without understanding
the misunderstandings that we share
are our only understandings

i ****** up
i lied to you
and him

i lied
i ****** up

i didnt mean for this to happen.
it will untangle,
i hope.

it's okay.
the future is still bright,
right?

but i still ****** up.
i can't escape from that truth.

i told you that i didnt,
and i have kept secrets from him.

please forgive me.
i am deeply sorry from the depth of my black, inky soul.

it was just today
that i found that
i broke your heart.

it wasnt intended.
i never wanted to break your heart,
and I know how it feels-
and I didnt want that to happen for you.

I'm sorry,
deep inside my broken heart
the shards of my fragile body
and from the depth of the pieces of my dark soul
that you picked up.

you gave me light,
you gave me a reason to live.
and now i broke your reason,

with a simple action.

i'm sorry.
i swear that i didnt mean to.

if i could do anything to go back to reverse it-
trust me,
i would.

i know that my apologies can never fully show
how broken i am
and how sorry i am

i know that your words
can never show how much broken you are

you say i threw ur heart out the window,
and crushed it.

but in my point,
i didn't mean for that to happen.

i thought it was okay.
it seemed like you didnt care.

we both cried that day.

we both cried.

but now im so confused
of what to do?

my present is right here,
laid out before me-

my past is chasing me
and i want to accept it


but its okay.
it'll work out.
right?