the scrap of paper
holds so much hope

in seeing everything
again
seeing sunlight
again
feeling joy
again

but i now don't hold a reason to go
get on that sickening plane
where my home was,
is now my heart's grave.

everything would remind me of you,
everywhere is a landmark of all our conversations.
the desk is our whisper to one another.

maybe we write poetry to communicate to the soul,
not to the brain,
but to the heart.

maybe we don't have any other way to sing.
maybe we want our story to be shared.
maybe no one would listen.
but i'm here,
I'm here,
and i will listen.
to the thoughts of your mind.

you were that person to me,
i confided in you,
seeked advice,
and whom i shared memories with.

what happens to all the memories you hold?
will they fade?
but they are too vibrant to fade.
i want to hold them tight, so that i could relive them.
the times of gold, the times of light.

i relive the memories,
each and every night-
the moment of your warmth,
the smile on your face.

i remember your laugh, your dimple, your eyes
i can almost feel them,
although i haven't felt them before.

if i take a plane,
with my ripped ticket,
will my heart mend?
my soul is still broken,
and i am left to decay.

if i take a plane back,
will i be strong enough to endure?
i can't hold back from staring at you.
i will regret it,
but i will stare.

will the tears hold back?
will i be crushed?
will my soul wither?

how do you feel?
are you fine, as you say you are,
but are you suffering, too?
with me?

if you are,
can we make it easier for us?
if you are struggling too,
is it too late to apologize?

I love you, were the words I never had to chance to speak.
But I'm sorry.
for all the pain I caused you,
the weight,
the pain.

you'll be fine without me.

but i still miss you.

i knew it was coming,
but i didn't know it would be this soon.
only this morning in the gray lazy sky,
i was thinking-
what if you stopped caring for me?

what if you moved on??

what if you forgot about me??

i couldn't imagine a life without you,
although i could see it coming.
impending nights never fail to  be tardy.
i could feel your vibes, i could sense that you stopped caring.

but i refused to believe.

maybe i thought about it beforehand so i would learn how to cope with it.

but maybe thinking about it before made the heartburn sting more.
because it hurts.

when you confessed, i didn't feel pain.
i knew i was supposed to,
but the truth hadn't sank in.

only when i sat in silence, drifting into space-
then
i realized
that you were gone,
fully gone,
gone from my grasp.

and i couldn't stop the tears from rolling down,
tearing up my glasses,
my soul crying with me.
my heart crying out from its pain,
my mind wanting to release itself from its torture,
but in struggling-
trying to free itself-
it made the burn bigger,
pain larger.

maybe i hadn't loved you as much as the other.
but it still hurt.
no,
it still hurts.
i will never get over the pain,
because in my belief,
you cannot fall out of love.

if you stop loving,
it wasn't love at all in the first place.

that's what i believe.

but then again,
i believed,
i told myself,
that you would never leave.

yet you did,
leaving me alone with my dark thoughts and beasts.

dark void diffuse out of my soul,
screaming,
internally-

dark void swallows me whole,
leaving, me
blind-

dark void consumes my mind,
heaving, up
dark thoughts

the darkness of the blue in our soceity
the grayness of our generation
the blackness of this world of what it is
the emptiness filling our minds

i void the thoughts
into the waste
i avoid the tears,
but they're bound to come
the void has been waiting
the insidious void
the void inside the insidious
thoughts of the void.

the lyrics thrum in my mind
and i connect the dots
from one reality to the other.
it makes a shape and i draw it out,

tearing at the dark thoughts.
and i
SCREEEAAAAAMMMMMMMMM

AT THE TWISTEDNESS OF IT ALL
THE CROOKEDNESS OF OURSELVES,
THE DARKNESS OF THE INEVITABLE VOID.
WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR US ALL.

**THE GHOSTS, THEY COMFORT ME, WELCOME TO THE DARK VOID OF MY MIND.

the melody thrums
with the beat of drums
the heart thrums
lyrics go and come.

i mouth silently
the screams, deceitfully;
the voice not making a single sound
my throat hosts an inevitable mound.

i find it hard to swallow
your thoughts for me, so shallow;
the black void swallows
the black thoughts follow

the void consumes
its flames consume
my mind is wrapped in heat
i sing along to the beat

the tears, they burn
the stings, they burn
the ache in my heart
will just not go away

i would have given up everything
for just a plane ticket, hiding
from the reality i face
in the harsh gray of this race

my heart pounds to the beat
my ears thrum with the heat
although i am in defeat,
depression isn't consuming me whole.

tear my trust apart
tears trickle down
i should've known better not to trust

i'll remind myself to be on my toes.

i thought you were genuine
i thought he was genuine
i guess im too gullible-
like you said.

i should've known not to trust,
not to trust,
not to flirt with love.

you've left me like everyone i cared about did.

you left me.

it doesnt matter, does it?
my feelings don't matter.
because i'm non existent,
right?

i'll just go and disappear,
disappear into the void.
the stars will still shine and the planets will turn,
but does my soul matter?

i let the tears flow as i turn my volume up,
screaming silently,
my mouth stretching wide as to cover up my pain.

if i didn't move,
i think.
this wouldn't really have happened.
if i ceased to exist.

the night impends onto us.
the smiles are unaware of the darkness,
but the oblivious will continue to grin.
it is cold, our minds shiver.

gravity brings the night down.
our discouragement the night down,
the night is our defeat.
but we must win.
satan is waiting, depression insidious to our fall.
we must stand up,
no grave shall cover us all.
no grave shall bury our hopes, our dreams, our love.

we must survive.

bear compassion.
bring the light among our corrupted society.

there is a wall behind a mirror;
someone's situation may remind you of your own,
but they have a story of theirs.
listen to the sweet words that tell the tragedy of irony.

bear compassion.
for we, alone, are not enough to survive the night.
for it is our own thoughts that bring it onto ourselves;
we must ward off the night,
provide each other light.

after all,
even the moon shines brighter than the darkness-
we can perceive our thoughts
in the midst of the mist,
the fogginess of the fog.

the beast of the nights,
our thoughts of the nights,
they consume us from the inside,
they are insidious,
we are engulfed in the sulfuric flames
as we provide fuel to our deaths.

stop those thoughts,
the nightmares of our deep,
endless,
trudging.

dreams shine bright,
like all dreams do,

they shine bright
in your mind,
illuminating even the darkest of your thoughts.

dreams are hopes
a game of tag
where we chase and chase
but the game never ends

we hope one day
to accomplish our dreams
whether it's a job,
or changing the world.

each dream shines bright,
shines bright in the darkness of the world
it can brighten up the evil
that is bound to be within us.

do not discourage others' dreams.
do not discourage.
it might be their only source of light,
and how will they survive?

do not laugh. do not mock.
for we are all only human,
wanting to be more, but wanting to be less.

chase the stars
in hope of becoming bright.