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Ankles cracking,
  Keyboard clacking,
    Sniffling of the nose,
      And all these things I do
       To make silent reading a pain.
         Wrapped up in my self-conscious cloud,
           Nerves drowned out all sound,
             I did not dare to glance up
To see that only four students remained.
We lie:
to everyone
and anyone.
Especially
 
ourselves.
 
For some of us
it's natural;
like blinking
or breathing.
 
For some of us
it's necessary;
when the truth is
too much to
bear.
 
For those of us
still moral enough,
it is difficult,
even painful.
But never

impossible.

We were made to lie.
Hush
Hush
Dim the lights
Concentrate
on nothing
Free your thoughts;
let them
gallop
across the expanses of
your mind;
nothing attached.
 
Let worries drift away
like balloons in the sky
floating up and up,
ailing in gusts of wind,
rising eternally
until they are out of sight and, eventually,
out of mind.
 
Slowly drift
while your mind
wanders and
wonders and
ponders
until there is
 
nothing
Do they understand
I am standing in the room
trying to make sense of
what I do not want to see.
I am witness to every motion,
every word branded into
my memory,
all of it a blur.
Like a movie,
a scene rehearsed
beyond perfection,
so real that their
only audience trembles
with confusion and fear.
 
Do I understand
the reasons, big
and small,
behind the raised voices,
sudden, spastic movements,
reddened faces,
hands flying erradically,
spit sailing from lips to air.
Questions met with inadequate and
nonsensical responses.
Accusations like tumblers,
dangerously thrown in the air.
 
Do you understand
why they continue
when there is no winner,
only losers filled
with hurt.
Nothing new happens
but new sparks alight,
each more inconsequential
than the last.
There is no point,
no moving on.
 
The cycle continues.
Running
Sprinting
Without thinking
Only fear.
 
There is only
the need to flee.
 
Can't turn back...
 
No way around...
 
They're gaining
and I'm losing
 
myself.
Shell peeling
and cracked;
Attracting stares and
questioning eyes-
No way to hide
from those
seemingly oblivious.

Concern and confusion
with doubt-filled looks.
Interrogations on
old information
flame up from
every direction.

Cannot conceal
what's really inside,
but it just
might not be
what you think.
 Sep 2013 Kailee Sometimes
k
she's got
no emotion
but there's so
much
pain
 Sep 2013 Kailee Sometimes
k
momma doesn't understand
daddy doesn't ask
why she stopped taking
her little white pills
"they'll save you"
everybody says as if
they know what
saving feels like.
how could she possibly explain
she wants her highest highs
even when they
make her want
to die
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